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Female dumpers who've reunited with the ex


Bogdan

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From my experience, at least, it really does seem that when the female is the one to end a relationship that it is much less likely for reconciliation to occur. Of course, every relationship is different, and there is no blueprint for human behavior, but this is just my personal observation.

 

For any females who have reconciled with an ex after ending a relationship, especially a long-term relationship, how did it happen?

 

I don't mean to ask for simple answers to such a complex question, but I

would love some insight and perspective from a female point of view.

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Without data I can't agree or disagree with your premise, but I will say for myself that when I've broken up with a guy I've never changed my mind. It was almost always very early in the relationship; I realized that it wasn't a good fit, and I was very sure about that.

 

In my experience with guys who have broken up with me -- several have come back (or tried); some more than once. I'm generally acknowledged to be a pretty good catch, etc. (and yet ... single at the moment!). When breaking up with me these guys could not articulate meaningful reasons -- after years together, sometimes, and seemed to be very conflicted about breaking up. Were they wrong to break up? In retrospect, probably not (in most cases!). But since they couldn't say why they wanted to end things, I think they were less sure of their decision, and thus more likely to try to come back later.

 

So, if your observation has any merit, I wonder if it's because many men are perhaps not as self-aware as most women are. Breaking up with someone somewhat impulsively and/or with incomplete understanding of why probably leads to more severe self-doubt after the fact.

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I can definitley see the point you are making. I think that in our society it is considered to be more acceptable and less pathetic for a girl to try to get a guy back that dumped her, than it is for a guy to try to get back a girl that dumped him. I know in my experience I have heard the saying: "why is he still obsessed and trying to get back with his ex-gf who dumped him, he is so pathetic," much more than the other way around.

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Not to be sexist but men probably aren't as good at post-break up behaviour than women.

 

I know that is a generalization, but I believe that the behaviour you make after the split shapes the chances of reconciling massively, despite the reason behind the split.

 

What do people think about that?

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Not to be sexist but men probably aren't as good at post-break up behaviour than women.

 

I know that is a generalization, but I believe that the behaviour you make after the split shapes the chances of reconciling massively, despite the reason behind the split.

 

What do people think about that?

 

 

I agree with that. I also think that generally women have more options after a break-up, as far as new partners, than men do, which contributes to it as well. Because for alot (probably most) of women currently in a relationship there are usually at least 1 or 2 guys waiting it out hoping that her relationship will end and they will get their shot.

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It's not looking good, lol.

 

I think there is some truth in it and I believe it's simply because guys tend to think immediate results. He's tired of something and ends it. Only to find out a week later it wasn't worth it or he misses something else.

 

Women are more likely to weigh the options and take time in a decision.

 

With that said I wouldn't put too much weight in to it though. My ex has been completely heartless and hasn't looked back at all after 5 months. I doubt she will either, but at the same time there is a chance she will as she's HUMAN. Feelings are feelings and sometimes people don't see the big picture and make rash decisions even if hey have thought them out for the time.

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I think guys sometimes have less patience too and end up doing stupid stuff.

 

Like in my case right now I feel like just calling her and putting all my feelings out there, getting everything straight and just be done with it. I say be done with it, because I know if I do that I will lose whatever chance I have. But I am just kinda frustrated with everything...

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Not to be sexist but men probably aren't as good at post-break up behaviour than women.

 

I know that is a generalization, but I believe that the behaviour you make after the split shapes the chances of reconciling massively, despite the reason behind the split.

 

What do people think about that?

 

I agree %100. I posted a thread here a few months back asking people how long they begged and pleaded with their ex to return just to get an idea if that factored in (particularly for men) whether or not the ex might come back.

 

I think if you can walk away without trying to reason with an ex, it only shows how strong you are and it won't matter who does the dumping.

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