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Cheating ex girlfriend of 1 year ago has just contacted me with this message:

 

"im not really sure why im writing this but i guess i wanted to say hi and that i hope your ok and everything is going really well for you Take care xx"

 

We last spoke around sept/oct last year when she told me that she still loved me. I told her if she really loved and respected me, she should never ever contact me again. I honestly prepared myself to never hear from her again but part of me expected she might do this.

 

What's the reason for this message? She doesn't just do friendly chats, I know there is always a motive with her contact.

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Sounds like she still has you on the brain. Maybe she's regretting her decision to cheat and wants to stay in touch at the very least; and at the most get back together. How was your break-up? Did you end it in bad terms or are you still friends?

 

Your comment on knowing she always has a motive is a red flag. It doesn't seem like she's a trustworthy, sincere person (highligted even more by her cheating). If you have made the decision to move on and don't plan on forgiving her cheating then I would suggest you don't let her message get the best of you. You should probably IGNORE it and any communication from her (unless you want to get back - if you do, proceed with caution).

 

Maybe she senses that you're over her and doesn't want to let you go so quick. As a single woman looking for a good man, being out in the dating scene I see lots of people play games and it's not all men. Women too can be manipulators to fulfill whatever their needs are at the moment. I can tell you there are lots of good (quality) women out there who would never cheat on their men. You deserve better.

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It was a very bad breakup, I was absolutely devastated and heartbroken. I left her after I found out she cheated and I broke all contact with her. She has contacted me numerous times over the past year, telling me she still thinks about me everyday, still loves me etc. She always reacts very bitter and angry when I tell her to leave me alone but I had to for my own sanity.

 

I must admit, when I received the message it did make me feel a bit sick but it hasn't effected me half as much as her previous attempts.

 

I think you are right about her sensing that I am moving on because I have been doing quite well recently, however I still think about her at least once a day so I know that I'm not completely over her yet.

 

I sometimes confuse her contacting me as a sign that perhaps she still loves me but I sense that she perhaps does it because she is either bored or lonely... I don't know

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It would lol. Don't waste your energy on her. Focus on yourself, enjoy your single time and once you rid yourself from all her negativity and from thinking of her, then the right girl will find you! From your pic you are very attractive so you won't have any problem bouncing back! You should be thankful she cheated and now you know the real her and can be free. Hugs.

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That's some great advice you have given me lonelygyrl, thank you and thanks for the compliment The only thing that is stopping me from responding to her is my pride, whether or not that is a good thing is another matter! The feeling inside me that I can do so much better keeps me going

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Glad you found my advice useful. I think deep down you already know how you should be reacting to her but becuase you are still not fully over her, you find yourself questioning yourself and her motives.

 

Why is it you still think of her? Where you together for a long time? Is it something in particular you miss? Try focusing on how nice it will be and feel when you find a girl you can trust.

 

I think ignoring her is more for yourself and not how it will come off to her. To her it will seem like you are angry at her, like you are over her, and don't want anything to do with her. Even though I know you still care (because how can you not care for her, you were bf/gf so it's only human) but its so you can move on. That is if you are ready to do so O

 

There's also nothing wrong with being friends with your ex if you miss her company (and if you can both deal with being just friends) but you have to decide if you really want nothing romantically and stick with it, otherwise you are just draining yourself and creating drama for yourself.

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I guess the main reason why I still think about her is because she was my first love. For the first time ever I had felt what love feels like. We weren't together long but we have known each other for a number of years now. I'll be honest, she wasn't even what I would call a nice person. She would constantly b**ch behind peoples backs, she was very superficial and had ALOT of issues but there was something about her that I obviously loved, perhaps it was her vulnerability or the fact that we were completely different people (if that makes sense).

 

I know I shouldn't care about what it comes accross like if I ignore her but I just want to be seen as taking the high road. Afterall I have countless times asked her to stop contacting me but it never works. I am ready to move on, I'm 1000% sure of that!

 

I couldn't be friends with her, especially not at the moment. I would rather remain ignorant as to what is happening in her life. I admit I get curious but I don't need to know. I don't think we could ever be just friends anyway, there is far too much history and drama with us. I think the resentment on both sides would be too strong.

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In that case ignoring would definitley make it seem like you are taking the high road (replying would just keep the communication open, not replying lets her know she has no hold over you and she messed up!). I know you will find a great girl. Allow yourself to feel hurt, cry, and let it all out, but don't let it get the best of you. It was a learning experience and you are better for it. You sound strong and very wise. I know it's painful but that's part of life, and it's better you found out now than later. You will be just fine I know it!

 

Why waste any more time thinking of a girl who cheated when there are so many other great catches out there?

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