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Hello everyone,

 

I know a lot of people like to follow the progress of those posting on here, so I thought I’d start a thread to give people an update on my story.

 

Ok, so before my ex left just before Christmas (7 weeks ago today), I was very neglectful of our relationship. I shunted her down my priorities below my two jobs, hobby, cat and family. Despite that from day 1 until the end, we always got along really well, never argued and had no issues to do with trust or jealously, but I could be a little controlling looking back - albeit unknowingly.

 

On top of the above, we lived in a house with my brother. She didn’t like him, he didn’t like her and it caused a LOT of friction over the 2.5 years since she moved in (I'm surprised she stayed so long looking back, but she said it was because she loved me so much).

 

Anway, I didn’t need to buy the house, but I did and she always felt like I choose him over her, although it was a good financial deal for us all.

 

So a combination of the neglect, control and family allegiances over a 12 month + period came to a boil and she left.

 

I was crushed. We had a fairy tale relationship for the first 2 years, we loved each other so much, were best friends, massively attracted to each other, but I took her for granted and the neglect set in.

 

I did the customary begging, pleading and of course, it didn’t work. It pushed her away and she told me “She was 99% sure that it was over”.

 

After maybe a week or so NC, I started with LC. This was all initiated by me and came in the form of texts. Calls were too personal I thought and texts allowed her to not feel pressured about replying. As it went - some she would reply to others she wouldn’t, but at least I was still in contact with her and making the effort. (Remember I did neglect her for so long)

 

So, as part of the LC I made a few creative/personal gestures of love (which I felt were necessary for my situation) and around that time she started to initiate contact by popping round to pick up needless bits of mail etc.

 

I found it really difficult to hide my emotions and love for her (I still do), but I tried to keep things positive and fun and upbeat when we met up.

 

These meetings came in the form of coffees, shopping trips, a meal and her popping round. They were nothing special and not too long, but long enough to have a good talk.

 

Previously she had said she wanted to “See if we could rekindle things” and that she “wasn’t interested in anyone else”, but she was hurt by what I’d done and wasn’t sure if we could ever get back together.

 

That leads us up until now. We last met up on Thursday where we spent 5.5 hours together. We went shopping and had a coffee. During our meet up it felt like the raw emotions of the break-up had almost gone and we talked like adults about the future and for the first time she admitted her faults in the break-up.

 

She agreed that she “wouldn’t be here or talking to me if she didn’t think we had a chance of getting back together” and she said “It’s nice to see you’ve made noticeable positive changes to your life”.

 

On top of that she told me she was going to be “100% honest” with me and not lead me on or give me any false hope about the chance of getting back together.

 

At the moment I feel a lot happier about our situation. The LC has continued (maybe every other day) and while I am still doing nearly all of the initiating, she has been very receptive when I’ve asked her to meet up or have text her etc.

 

We’re going to two concerts soon (Saturday and Monday) and while she is moving into a house-share (Which she needs to do as she hates living with her mum and is never going to move back in with me and my brother), things do seem to be moving forward.

 

My ex has quite openly told me she want’s to see if the actions and progress I’ve made personally are permanent and not just to win her back. She said it would be easy to get back with me and have "someone who loves me unconditionally, is my best friend, I could rely on financially etc but the only reason I will be getting back together with you is because I want to be with you".

 

For me the key to getting back in favourable terms with my ex was to SHOW her how I’ve changed or am working towards changing the things that caused the relationship to break down.

 

I do feel very fortunate that I’m at the point I am at and while we’re not back together yet, it feels more possible every time I see her.

 

So my advice would be as follows:

 

  • Let the dust and raw emotions settle
  • Make changes and work on the issues that caused the break-up
  • Remember they left you and that was a big decision. They’re not going to come back unless things have changed
  • Take things slowly and never pressure your ex into jumping back into a relationship
  • Be patient and try not to over analyze every little thing they do or say
  • Realize that they are NOT going to forget the good times you had because you give them space for a few weeks
  • Seek help on these forums, but also do your bit in helping others

All the best to everyone, thanks for reading and if anyone has any advice for me the I will be really grateful.

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Hello everyone,

 

I do feel very fortunate that I’m at the point I am at and while we’re not back together yet, it feels more possible every time I see her.

 

So my advice would be as follows:

 

  • Let the dust and raw emotions settle
  • Make changes and work on the issues that caused the break-up
  • Remember they left you and that was a big decision. They’re not going to come back unless things have changed
  • Take things slowly and never pressure your ex into jumping back into a relationship
  • Be patient and try not to over analyze every little thing they do or say
  • Seek help on these forums, but also do your bit in helping others

All the best to everyone, thanks for reading and if anyone has any advice for me the I will be really grateful.

 

Thats really good advice Diagonal and I will follow it too, especially being patient and taking things slow.

 

I wish you all the luck in the world and I hope it works out for you ok in the end. It sounds as though there is some hope for you

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yaaaaay good for you!!

 

this post is encouraging! makes me feel a little better about my situation.

my ex left me 5 weeks ago yesterday but weve been texting and stuff since and seen each other a few times. she says she doesnt want anyone else and does want me back in the future she just wants to 'leave it for abit'. its hard to not do the insane ex boyfriend thing though and contact her all the time. when i do i dont get very good reactions (if any at all), but when im calm and normal she is abit more receptive. We were always both very loyal and loving and we were closer than any other couple i know. just glad to see things can actually get better and i wish you th ebest of luck with how things are going!

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That is so great. I am happy for you. It sounds like there is a lot of hope here. You have been wise, loving and patient and are reaping the rewards. Thanks for taking the time to post and to give others advice. You give really great advice.

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So my advice would be as follows:

 

  • Let the dust and raw emotions settle
  • Make changes and work on the issues that caused the break-up
  • Remember they left you and that was a big decision. They’re not going to come back unless things have changed
  • Take things slowly and never pressure your ex into jumping back into a relationship
  • Be patient and try not to over analyze every little thing they do or say
  • Realize that they are NOT going to forget the good times you had because you give them space for a few weeks
  • Seek help on these forums, but also do your bit in helping others

QUOTE]

 

jus gotta quote that again cos its so bloody good....

 

i am truly rooting for you diag and hope this comes to something....all the best for the future

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Thanks guys.

 

I'm not taking anything for granted (Like I did with her), just living day-to-day and I guess we'll see how things go.

 

I mean, I feel almost a little liberated actually. Maybe because things have been going well, but I feel out of that tearful and desperate stage, which can only help in improving my chances I guess.

 

Will keep people you all posted.

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Great! I love that you take responsibility for your part. She will appreciate that so much. I think her thing about not giving you false hope IS her being 100% honest and saying, "I am not quite sure of my feelings."

 

However, it all sounds good so far! Happy for you!

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