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Does NC work if your technically still together


Trick

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My girl and I never broke it off, were just on shaky ground. She just graduated in December and moved to another state for Job reasons. The plan was once I graduate, this May, I was going to move out to be with her. Along with that opportunities exist there for both of us. We are really serious with each other, have very similar interests and wanted to spend our lives together. We did everything together and love everything about each other.

 

Well, shortly before graduation, December, she started to come under a lot of stress, graduation, finals, moving, job, car, being in a new place alone, everything. I was dealing with my own stress, finals, her moving away, helping her pack, and the thought of not seeing her every day like we have for the last 2 years. Suddenly she began to say things have changed and I just don't see us long term anymore. After she moved out there, 3 weeks ago, we talked for a few days then she just shut down. She wouldn't talk with me, started to bring things up, I just kept pushing her to find out what was wrong, then she said "I have a lot of $h!t to deal with and you don't seem to understand that, you just keep pushing me more and more and more and I just want to scream Leave Me ALONE". We told each other good night, and well I haven't herd from her in a week now, and I haven't contacted her since.

 

Does the NC work in situations like this? I truly believe the stress has gotten to her and she doesn't truly mean what she is saying, but just doesn't see it. Should I just let her be? I'm so afraid that, because she is an independent woman I feel that if I just stop talking she will move on, that happened to her before in a previous relationship and she moved on. I have been with many girls and none of them were like what we have, I know you all here and say this but things were just so easy with her, so perfect, so natural. All the other girls I have been with never lasted long because it just didn't feel like what I have with her.

 

Should I continue to wait to hear from her? Continue NC? Should I send her something for V-Day? We have not technically broken up, she is all that matters to me and I just want my girl back. I feel so heart broken, I want to talk to her so bad.

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It's not a history of breaking them of, it only happened once with her, which the guy just stopped talking to her.

 

I told her that I am here and am ready to talk when she is, she knows how I feel and she told me to leave her alone. I want to contact her but she was the one to say leave me alone, I'm just not sure if she wants to talk yet.

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A week isn't the longest amount of time to give her space so continue to do so. I don't think texting her and saying like hi would be awful, but let her have her space from now. If the NC continues past 2 weeks I then I would try and contact her and communicate. Sometimes people just need their space you know? (Though I don't think not talking completely is real mature or necessary even despite the things people go through in life...she should at least message and say hi once and a while.)

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Thats whats making it so hard. Besides the first few days she was gone, the only times I have heard from her are when I contacted her first. And I feel its unfair for her to treat me like this. I keep hoping I'll get an email, message or text but nothing. She only responded to a few of my messages, email and texts before I stopped contacting her. I'm not sure if I should wait with the hope of hearing from her, or if I should just send something (and when to).

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Yes, a week is not that long, but considering that you are not broken off, this isnt a short time for not contacting you on her part. How about a short text showing her you care. If you get no response, wait for one more week and if still nothing from her. You need to have the relationship talk.

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Yea, what Richard says is something that does happen for sure about meeting new people. But, if she still hasn't talked to you by the two week mark I would definitely email her or message her and ask her whats going on and explain to her that you feel that since you two are together you at least deserve the courtesy of a hi, how are you and a little update on what she's been doing

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Well she contacted me today, on aim. Said hey, was away from the computer so didn't respond for a few min. We didn't talk much but she said she is starting to get home sick. Havent talked with her in just over a week now. kept the conversation short today and am hoping that things will start to turn around. Hope this is a good sign, putting together a letter to send her for v-day. Dont want it to be too much to push her away though so ill be sleeping on it.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Well, after things were looking good, I went ahead with the trip that out to see her that we had planned before the break, she was excited to see me again and wanted to show me around, so I was thinking maybe she was ready to make it work. And I found out she had been cheating on me since November, that is when she started to act different and we hit our rough patch. Well finding out about that, made it so much easier to let go.

The Story:

So I went to see her, stayed at her place and she acted surprised when I said I was going to sleep on the couch. The next day we toured around, hung out in a bar that night and played pool, had a great time, reminded me of before. Well that night I sat down with her and tried to talk about things, she shut down again and so I went to print my boarding pass, on her desk where her printer is, there was a letter she had written to this guy she had been cheating on me with since nov. It pretty much said everything I needed to know, the whole I'm so happy your back in my life, were both strong willed and we can make this work, I cant wait till you come back to me, blah blah blah. The odd thing is, this dude is living accross the US, a friend she reconnected with that she started a long distance emotional relationship with back when we were still together. Well, I asked her if she had been hiding anything from me, as she started acting like that back in Nov. She said nothing, still never said were through or anything about what caused her to drive a nail between us, so that was my last draw and I walked out on her. I packed up, looked her in the eyes and said, "It was so good to see you, I had a great time, I will always remember the times we had together as they were truly some of the best in my life, I wish you the best with everything, I hope you find what your looking for with your reconnected friend and I truly hope it works out for the both of you. Good by and thank you for an amazing 2 years." I left, contacted my cousins who lived in the area and had them come get me. This was Sat night.

Hung out with them on sun and got a message from her saying how pissed she was I left and I didn't giver her any heads up, that she had planned on having me the whole weekend and it really pissed her off. I just laughed, like she has the right to be pissed, she is the one who decided to cheat on me with her friend, who lives accross the US, when things were still great between us too, unbelieveable, as I never would have thought she was that type of girl.

 

So in the end I am happy I went, have been able to let go, it was hard the last month but now I have found a new girl and I am chasing her, I am already having moor fun with her! This is so much fun.

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