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My bf is a really great guy, but latley, I am sometimes feeling like he is seeing me as his younger girlfriend rather than just his girlfriend. He told me that I need to start getting along better with my dad and asked me if I washed my hands before helping make lunch and things like that. It's not a big issue. I do tend to need guidance. I need reminders of things sometimes and someone to help me to remember things and think straight. But it's kind of weird when he talks to me like that and it's getting on my nerves. I don't know if it's the age gap (he's old enough to be my dad) or if it's just a normal couples thing.

 

My mom is only a year older than my dad and she does that to him all the time. She's always saying he needs to go wash his hands before eating or she'll say something about how much he's eating or about his dirty laundry being on the couch.

 

So, I guess my question is, Is it normal for couples to say things like that to each other, or is my bf treating me like a kid? And if so, how do I let him know in a respectful way that he really annoys me when he does that?

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It sounds like a "daddy/daughter" thing when he tells you to wash your hands before making lunch etc. Thankfully my husband has never ever done that to me (nor I to him) - he's not my father, not I his mother. We treat each as an equal.

 

Do I think it's normal for couples to do this? To be honest, no, I don't.

Do I think he's treating you like a kid: Yes, it does sound like it.

 

The only way to solve this it to tell him upfront how you feel about it. If he knows about it and is aware of it, then he might change.

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Hi Car Chick,

 

I have an older boyfriend myself, and I am also the type of person who needs guidance and reminders from time to time (kind of absent-minded...lol). Anyway, he will do things like remind me about assignments, tell me when I've had a lot of sugar (I'm trying not to eat as much), and also chide me about fighting with my mom.

 

That said, I do think it is because he is older. Guys around our age are not going to act this way, because they lack the confidence/life experience to be that way with their girlfriend.

 

Now, do I think your boyfriend is treating you like you are his "young girlfriend"? Probably. But that's something you HAVE to be ready to deal with, when getting involved with someone older.

 

-TOF

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That's a good point Twist. I just thought about something. I spent all day today with a friend of mine who's 13. I DO see her as a friend, but I also see her as someone who I should give guidence too as I have been in her shoes and seen where the path leads. I feel like my experience can help her. I have a few friends like that, even my own age, but mostly younger people, that haven't experienced as much as me and I feel can use my help. I do this as a concerned and loving friend.

 

I too an absent minded, so in some ways I really like this side of him because I know when we get married he'll do things like making sure I wake up in the morning, take my pills, don't forget doctor's oppointments, and things like that. Right now, my mom does that and before Brian I was worried about what I would do when I was married because I'd have to take care of all that on my own.

 

I did a lot of stupid things in my teen years in terms of substances and I lost more than a few brain cells as a results. I have memory issues because of it and sometimes my thinking is affected other ways too. His guidance can really be good in that way.

 

It's confusing for me because one part of me is thankful that he's like that and another part of me wants to be indepenandt and finds it weird that the same guy that was just frenching me is now telling me to wash my hands.

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Yeah, I think I do need to talk to him, it's not a deal breaker with him. It's not bothering me enough to make me not want to be with him, but it's annoying, so I do think that the next time he's annoying like that, I will tell him that I don't like it. It almost feels disrespectful.

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I don't think it's actually an age thing per se.

 

I'm 26 and my bf is 37. I always ask him if he washed his hands before he eats, if he didn't, I'll even take out a purell sanitizer wipe. I'm just a clean freak and I don't really see anything wrong with that.

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I don't think it's actually an age thing per se.

 

I'm 26 and my bf is 37. I always ask him if he washed his hands before he eats, if he didn't, I'll even take out a purell sanitizer wipe. I'm just a clean freak and I don't really see anything wrong with that.

 

 

My bf is a bit of a clean freak too, even though he denies it. That may be all it is. I have OCD too so I know how it is for him, it drives me crazy when people don't do certain things or when the do do certain things. Maybe it's like that with him too.

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I doubt he sees it that way. I think he's just doing what comes naturally to him, you know?

 

Yeah. I think you're right. The other day his advice actually helped me out a lot in a really big issue. And this morning I was late to school becuase I didn't get up in time.

 

These two things and the advice on this forum have helped me look at this differently. I think I need someone who is going to keep on me about those little absent-minded things I do. I am lucky to have a man who will just come out and speak honestly to me about issues I have. If he doesn't, it'll just sit and fester and give him resentments. I can see through this that if any big issues come up in our relationship, he'll be willing to talk to me about it instead of just being quiet and letting it bother him until he's really mad at me. Like the other day, he said I sound like I'm not listening because I kept responding to him on the phone with things like, "uh huh" and "yeah". I apologized and said I was listening to him, but maybe not as much as I should because it was dark and I was trying to drive. I have bad night vision, so I was paying closer attention to the road. I guess I should have told him I'd call back later when I wasn't driving. But, because he was honest and told me how annoying that response was, I was able to explain it and now neither one of us has to be mad at each other.

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