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I want to run away if that's an option. Many things happened to me ( nothing related to my ex) and I'm not happy. I had a fall out with my family and friends so basically I'm all alone. If we haven't broke up, I know he'll pick up the phone immediately to check up on and ask if im ok ? We could at least talk what's bothering me on IM since we're so far away. Why can't he understand that ? I just need someone to talk to, someone I trust and there to listen. I never share so many intimate problems with anyone but this very particular ex.

 

He say he isn't the one 'right' to help me or hear me out. Because he don;t think he can help me without feeling akward. Why is that ? I don't want him as a lover, just as someone I could talk to when I'm really really down like last few days. He asked me to call him if I need to and he'll be there . I don't want to call , that would just feed his ego.

 

I try wrtiting down , it makes me feel better for a while and I'm all anxious again. I have no idea what I'm turning into.

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I just want to be left alone. My father abused me since childhood which I never really got over. I pretended I'm over it but deep inside I don't. I hate him till today. Although I know hate is a strong word, but really I don't want to deal with him any longer. I really can't wait to move out because this house I'm living currently brought up lots of memories and I'm not at peace with myself. I see myself reapeating OCD all over again. The sight of him makes me sick. My mother, I have nothing against her but she did something very disrespectful ( sending angry text ) to my ex for hurting me. I know she did it because of her love as a mother..but really ? I'm big enough to handle my problems... i don't need her to mess everything up. My ex was so mad that he didn't even want to talk to me for a few days. I felt even worst, guilty !!.

 

My friends ? well I don't have really any friends. I was never fitted into their group and maintaining a friendship is something which I'm not good at. My friends never include me in gatherings or hanging out. I was never part of their social network. I suffered from social anxiety for many many years. I'm just not comfortable with people.

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Have you thought about going to talk to a counselor on a regular basis? That would be a great place to start if you need someone you trust to get things off your chest! They could probably also help you to brainstorm some ideas for making friends, and help you to deal with some of the issues with your family. I would definitely recommend it

 

Also for social anxiety - cognitive behavioral therapy and/or medication would probably be a real benefit to you. I have seen it work wonders for people.

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Yes I'm seeing a therapist. He said I'm dealing with lots of anger inside me , which is the main focus which I have took into. He also see how it linked with my relationships with men. My first ex was abusive, although my recent ex won;t even hurt a fly, I didn't trust him enough. There's other underlying issues about my recent ex..not just that.

 

I'm not a forgiving person I know that. I have suffered enough and just want to run. By running it will lead me to no where and I feel rejected by the society. You know all those nagativity running in circles inside my head. I want to let go and move on, just don't know how to.

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