jj21 Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Just literally come back from a night out with a mutual friend of my ex (the friend in which me and my ex met each other). She told me what she said when they met up at Christmas. She said that she said "He's blocked and deleted me on Facebook!" and "I thought we could be friends still". She said that she sounded really shocked that I had done this. Even though after a week when we broke up i deleted her (not blocked her) as a friend and actually told her this was because it helped me get over her and move on - and she was totally cool with this. It's just recently that I've blocked her, because I've been taking a sneak peak at her profile and it made me feel really bad seeing her status updates and pics etc.. Understandable, right? Now I feel really bad and guilty when I know I shouldn't! - All after a really good week as well, when I've hardly thought of her. This is a minor set back, but if she wanted me to feel guilty she's definitely succeeded! I spoke to my mate about it and he said he would have done the same thing, and I shouldn't put myself in a position that I feel uncomfortable with to make her happy. He said she's being selfish and basically said "f*ck her, she's trying to make you feel guilty when it should be the other way round" also "don't even think about adding her on Facebook again, even though its not a competition, you are winning and if you do add her it will make you look weak" - I thought this was really good advice. I spoke to our mutual friend again and she told me that she would be coming back next weekend (she's at uni) to meet up, she asked me if she wanted her to say anything and I just said "Just tell her there was nothing malicious in it at all when I blocked her it was just for my own good and I still want to stay friends" I don't know whether to leave it as that and just let our mutual friend tell her that or, just text her and ask her how shes getting on etc. Its been a month and a week of NC. I've just recently blocked and deleted her on msn as well because I thought it made it easier for her to talk to me. I felt like she was talking to me just because I was there, online. What do people think, just leave it? I do want to keep in contact but she's got to know that what I've done is for my own good! I think I could handle talking to her now but what does she expect from me??? When we were in LC it was mostly from me and during this NC of a month and one week she hasn't contacted me at all... So is she feeling guilty now because its been so long or what? I'm confused I really needed to vent! any advice appreciated. Thanks Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 You're doing everything right so far. You don't owe her anything at this point. Link to comment
peanutbutterandjelly Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 I spoke to our mutual friend again and she told me that she would be coming back next weekend (she's at uni) to meet up, she asked me if she wanted her to say anything and I just said "Just tell her there was nothing malicious in it at all when I blocked her it was just for my own good and I still want to stay friends" I don't know whether to leave it as that and just let our mutual friend tell her that or, just text her and ask her how shes getting on etc I definitely wouldnt give her this message through a friend. I wouldnt even text her. You told her the reason when you originally did it and you didnt even have to tell her then. You dont owe her anything or have to defend your actions. Just leave it. dont say anything about it to her and dont have your friend get in the middle. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 The key word in your post is 'ex'. We're not responsible for anyone once they become that, and it's a waste of energy to do this to yourself. Link to comment
dew Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 Did she dump you? In that case, u hv every right to block her..and there is no reason to feel guilty. i too have gone thr' the guilt phrase..my ex too did try to make me feel guilty. but that's just unfair. Link to comment
jj21 Posted February 7, 2010 Author Share Posted February 7, 2010 I definitely wouldnt give her this message through a friend. I wouldnt even text her. You told her the reason when you originally did it and you didnt even have to tell her then. You dont owe her anything or have to defend your actions. Just leave it. dont say anything about it to her and dont have your friend get in the middle. I've sort of already told her to say this. She asked me if I wanted to tell her anything. I know I shouldn't really get my friend involved but at least this will clear everything up. I do want to be friends, she knows that! I really don't know why she thinks I don't want to be. Did she dump you? In that case, u hv every right to block her..and there is no reason to feel guilty. i too have gone thr' the guilt phrase..my ex too did try to make me feel guilty. but that's just unfair. Yeah she dumped me. I think shes being really selfish, what does she expect me to do?? She wants the best of both worlds and that just isn't realistic. Do you think she is feeling guilty now? Because she should instead of me! Thanks Link to comment
catfeeder Posted February 7, 2010 Share Posted February 7, 2010 [...] Yeah she dumped me. I think shes being really selfish, what does she expect me to do?? She wants the best of both worlds and that just isn't realistic. Do you think she is feeling guilty now? Because she should instead of me! Thanks Painting a dumpee as the villain is pretty common, and there's zero you can do about it. It's a way for dumpers to manipulate sympathy out of people, and it makes no sense to run friends back to say stuff--it just shows that you're buying into the drama. Ignore the noise and move your focus forward, not backward. Link to comment
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