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Tricks for No Contact...also I propose a new term...


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Hello again ENA fam!:

 

I have a question for those of you who tried NC...How did you do it? What tactics, trix, philosophies helped you get through not contacting your ex. Even if eventually you failed, what worked?: Zen? reading a book? friends? gym? alcohol? What?

 

The reason being is that I don't have a fortified bone in my body. If my SO, or Ex doesn't talk to me I freak out in a windstorm of anxiety and abandonment issues.

Abandonment issues are like whiskey: it makes people that are actually (emotionally) unnattractive look attractive to me again, and even tho by all rights I should hate my Ex and never want to see him again. If he distances himself I'll be all over him like a drunk guy in a singles bar. I will spend hours trying to figure out little plans and ways to contact him without losing my self respect....and then I lose my self respect.

 

My situation is not currently NC exactly, but my ex is and I got into a fight, as we were trying to reconcile and I really don't want to cave and call him first when he messed up so royally, there by losing my position and respect during our very hostile 'reconciliation'. I'm trying to put my foot down and make him take responsibility for acting like a GIANT PENIS.

 

So you see I need your help.

 

Also I propose a new term...N.I. JBaker and I have been tossing this term around, it means No Initiation this is when you are talking, to your ex but for whatever reason, you are forcing yourself to make your partner contact you first....Quite possible because they are behaving like giant penises What do you guys think?

 

Thank you in Advance!

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Hiding your phone away helps. Hanging out with friends, being with loving family members, playing with your pets, shopping, going online, getting and working at a job (or more than one job!), going back to school, going out and having fun, etc. These can help to distract you from not making you contact your ex.

 

Good luck!

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No Initiation is an excuse for you to respond and talk to the ex. You need to go No Contact.

 

How I get through my No Contact?

 

I tally the days I dont speak to my ex. It sounds corny, but eventually I get motivated to be able to tally another day that has passed. Sure I think about her, and its unfortunate that I use her as my motivation to get over her, but whatever works, right? It feels great when I can say 'Wow...I went another full day without hearing from her or talking to her' Give it a shot, and see how it works out for you.

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No Initiation is an excuse for you to respond and talk to the ex. You need to go No Contact.

 

How I get through my No Contact?

 

I tally the days I dont speak to my ex. It sounds corny, but eventually I get motivated to be able to tally another day that has passed. Sure I think about her, and its unfortunate that I use her as my motivation to get over her, but whatever works, right? It feels great when I can say 'Wow...I went another full day without hearing from her or talking to her' Give it a shot, and see how it works out for you.

You know something...that might be a plan! I actually have a horrible midnight snacking habit that I've been trying to break for absolutely forever. It's annoying, I'm almost a sleepwalking zombie MUST-EAT-STARCH- and I'll wake up with crumbs in my bed and like half a sandwich in my hand or something equally ridiculous-lmao!, and dont even remember getting the snack.

 

So I finally got out a sheet of paper and drew out 21 boxes...after three false starts I'm actually at day number 9! I usually can't get passed 2 days.

 

So I think i'll post a small chart in my home office right now! thanks

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My longest bout of NC was 13 days if I recall correctly. I have started again, 6 days into it already. I promised myself I would go at least all of February without initiating contact or responding to her contact. Although I am a bit too consumed in trying to get over her, I feel that once I do, I can begin to feel much better about a whole lot of other things.

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My longest bout of NC was 13 days if I recall correctly. I have started again, 6 days into it already. I promised myself I would go at least all of February without initiating contact or responding to her contact. Although I am a bit too consumed in trying to get over her, I feel that once I do, I can begin to feel much better about a whole lot of other things.

Can I ask why you decided on No Contact...as opposed to the newly patented N.I. . lol

Seriously tho..why did you decide if she called that you wouldn't speak to her?

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Yeah, I call my personal version NIC (no initiating contact) and it's much more rewarding when he contacts me on his own instead of responding to something I said/sent. And I know what you mean-if contact drops down for a long (to me I would say a week or more) period of time, I do start to panic a bit and want to talk to him. But then I know in the back of my head that it's more rewarding waiting for him if he's actually interested and sometimes that helps me stop myself. I call random family members, like my grandma instead just to chat when I'm feeling lonely and missing him too much. It's helping, I don't get nearly as worked up anymore. I haven't cry for over a week now

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NI to me will just leave you sitting around still checking your fone to see whether or not your ex has made contact. If your trying to get over the relationship NC is the way to go, if your trying to get back NC for a bit then LC, but NI really does seem as an excuse as someone already stated. You dont want to go full NC but you dont want to show you want to make contact its just a middle ground that will keep you in the same cycle.

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MTB - first of all I have to tell you that I look forward to reading your posts and the humor you interject in your stories.

 

That said - I like NI. There is also a part of me though that needs to depend on NC. I need him to initiate which he has not done since the first month. No call, no text, no nothing. At work he came into my office one day just to tell me something. On my work email he sent me a weird youtube link about the town he lives in -why? I have no friggin clue but I didn't respond. Watched the video and deleted the link. Didn't want to read into it. He only wants to interact with me about work and nothing personal or so he says. When we have to meet on work related topics (we are on a project together) if it is just the two of us in a conference room - once a couple of weeks ago we talked about the phone call we had with the vendor we were talking with and then he started to tell me all kinds of things about what is going on in his life. No questions about mine - just talked about his. He can't see past his nose with anything or any body at the moment - and he is pushing everyone away, not just me.

 

So I wait for the day that he finally calls or texts after work hours on a non work related matter or thought. I want and wait for it. Why? Because I am not going to respond whatsoever. I want him to sit and wonder why. I don't want to be giving him all the attention and me getting none. Now, if he keeps trying - eventually I will give in so he knows that I am still here. But I need him to gain some perspective on what it is like to be ignored. I don't care if you are a friend, boyfriend or co-worker you can't have your relationships one-way. Eventually people will fade or drift away from you. They are getting nothing in return.

 

With me and breaking up with me - he actively pushed me away. I did the begging, pleading, etc.... And GOD knows that I could only make it a few days at a time then a week at a time now I am doing really well but still have found excuses (work related of course!!!!) to call him and make contact. I need to knock that crap off! If I don't, I am always being supportive and caring towards him and he has no motivation to seek it from me. Seek! I need him to seek!

 

As for how do I make it through it? Drugs, lot's of drugs! All kidding aside.... The trial and error thing has been a great baseball bat to my head. When I make the contact that I am craving and I don't get what I want or the answer that I am so desperately seeking, I hang up feeling worse and starting from scratch. There are only so many times I can take that before i realize that this is just stupid. I know better. One of my very FAVORITE sayings (I tell this to my staff all the time) "the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result."

 

I need him to get some perspective or religion. Perhaps when I allow him to do that, he will miss our connection, our talks and what I mean to him and seek me out again. Until then, he asked me to leave so I have left. Be careful what you ask for.....you just might get it! (another great saying)

 

Stay strong!!! If you contact him, he won't realize he is the great big PENIS! If you leave him alone and he is left with his thoughts and wonders where you went - he might realize that you aren't contacting him because he was a jerk in the last conversation you had. Stick to your guns girl! Contacting him let's him off the hook. Ask yourself if the roles were reversed.....wouldn't his silence for you make you start to think?

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NI to me will just leave you sitting around still checking your fone to see whether or not your ex has made contact. If your trying to get over the relationship NC is the way to go, if your trying to get back NC for a bit then LC, but NI really does seem as an excuse as someone already stated. You dont want to go full NC but you dont want to show you want to make contact its just a middle ground that will keep you in the same cycle.

Hey Luckyman...

 

No i dont see NI as an excuse. I probably should have posted in the "getting back together" forum, but I dont think people over there usually use NC... I notice when a lot of people use NC they also say they dont respond to their ex's either. Its a way of healing.

NI or NIC ( wink @ sea dunkel) is when you are talking and trying to work something out..or even DURING the relationship. So that you maintain a balance and don't go all beg-tastic on your ex or current SO.

 

In my case and probably most cases its a way of setting boundaries so that as you continue the relationship, you don't teach your SO or ex to take you for granted.

I'm putting my ex in Time Out.

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@learning to relax...GIRL! You work together?! no wonder you're "learning to relax". I would lose it...actually I've been in that situation myself ( with a guy who played a lot of head games) and I DID lose it. He is the first and only guy who drove me to drink. On a few occasions after a dose of his silent treatment or head games I would burn rubber from work and drive up to my apt screeching rubber like I was Vin Diesel and rush for the tequila-Never again!

 

Yes your situation sounds like NC is a better fit. I would stick to that. And you did a great job by not responding to that ridiculous Youtube video...although I'm sure I would have broken. Stay Strong, Lady

 

Ask yourself if the roles were reversed.....wouldn't his silence for you make you start to think?
Yeah...start thinking about tequila.
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I challenged myself for the most part. Mainly, it was my perception of her control over that made me not want to contact her. I have responded to her messages (because I didn't want to give her the impression that she got to me...all of which I failed except once), but I've only initiated contact once two months after the break up just to see how she was doing.

 

I haven't made it through the 30 day NC challenge, but I have a feeling I will make it passed 30 this time even though I dropped out of it a few weeks ago.

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I was able to maintain NC with my ex because I realized it's what's best for me. I used to do NI before NC, and then after some time, I cared less and less about what he thought of me whenever I didn't reply.

 

Side thought: NC-ing your ex makes them do weirdest things. Haha!

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working overtime for me haha. more cash and less thinking about the ex. also i lost my phone since november and I don't bother getting a new one yet. talk about it until my friends are tired about it (dont do this) and then keep it all in myself.

 

Time is really your friend.

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working overtime for me haha. more cash and less thinking about the ex. also i lost my phone since november and I don't bother getting a new one yet. talk about it until my friends are tired about it (dont do this) and then keep it all in myself.

 

Time is really your friend.

 

Nice one Mellow!

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I was able to maintain NC with my ex because I realized it's what's best for me. I used to do NI before NC, and then after some time, I cared less and less about what he thought of me whenever I didn't reply.

 

Side thought: NC-ing your ex makes them do weirdest things. Haha!

Ooooh like what? ( Rubbing my hands together in glee)

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working overtime for me haha. more cash and less thinking about the ex. also i lost my phone since november and I don't bother getting a new one yet. talk about it until my friends are tired about it (dont do this) and then keep it all in myself.

 

Time is really your friend.

Yeah @ over talking my friends. Been there, still there...I finally found this site when I got tempted one day to call a wrong number just so I could tell whoever picked up about him.

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one of my best tips is to leave the moby away from your side. Its by the tv, and i never take it up to bed with me (cos it would be the first thing id check as i woke up) it jus sits by the tv, switched on, getting blanked....you forget about it and you stop obsessing bout it. if that didnt work, i was gunna change the text melody too, so you didnt hear that text bleep when you jus knew it would be them and reminding you of all the times they did text... by changing to a new melody, you disociated the sound of your fone from them

 

lil tricks

 

I like the NI concept btw

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oooooooo. Yes about the phone. The first few weeks I was obsessed with my phone. I changed his special ringer and text tone to the same as the general one for everyone else that doesn't have a "special" ringer or tone. That way I wasn't bummed when it went off but wasn't the one that indicated it was him. That still didn't work right away so I turned off the ringer completely and would leave my phone somewhere in the room I was in or nearby. I would check every so often. Then I would leave it in another room and check it. Then I turned the ringer back on and left it in the other room. Before I knew it, I left in the car and forgot about it all together until I went to look for it because I needed to make a call. I no longer am waiting to hear from him!!!!

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Hmm... I am not sure how I am making NC. I haven't broken it once. I think it is because I am 100% sure that NO good will come of me breaking NC. Mostly from reading this forum and talking to friends. I just keep telling myself that I do to try to save us will just make it worse. Since my true desire is to have some good come from this situation, then I am not calling and trying to be alone. Sure I still miss her and feel lonely. I know though that if I were to call now, it would put me back at square one. Basically I guess self preservation is helping me not to call or show up at her door.

 

Good luck to you! Remember: you are in control of your destiny and only you can control your happiness.

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