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Acceptance - How do you know?


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For those that have reached the acceptance stage, how do you know you are there. What did you feel?

 

Yesterday after work I took a short nap and when I awoke I felt this sense of peace and calm, like the bitterness, panic, anger and all have left me. What did others experience? My relationship ended Nov 17 and I went into strict NC on Christmas. I see others on the forum that are still grieving after 6 months. Being that I've been NC for only a little over a month I'm questioning my current state. Thanks in advance.

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ups and downs. the pain seems to dissolve in stages. you acknowledge little pieces here and there...and let them go. and then other bits and pieces gradually float up to the surface. seems to be so different for everyone.

 

i remember a similar feeling of peace. i think it happens when you let go of the subtle aggression you feel...towards yourself and the other. i mean, there's still sadness there...but it's more pure. it's not conflicted with thoughts...with the stories. it doesn't seem to hurt quite the same way. it's softer.

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I got my acceptance a week after the break up. My ex called to just do a bit more of the closure talk and I could just hear the tone in her voice. Right then I knew that was it. I gave up on hope and decided to accept it right then because I knew it was completely out of my hands.

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I accept the acceptance stage by simply giving up. I gave up trying to reconcile, and trying to get her back. Im not happy about it, but lately I have been able to think more about fixing myself, than trying to fix something for her...

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I think you know when you are there. I don't believe it is something that you can just consciously decide. It is more of a journey there and where the ups and downs are less severe and start to even out a bit. They are still there and there are triggers that cause a stab of pain but you continue on. After a while, you just realize that you are there and carry on forward. One step at a time.

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For me it happened slowly. For the first few weeks I'd wake up with a cloud of depression and sadness and I'd have to fight through it just to get out of bed. I'd cry randomly, then feel happy, then mad at myself for being happy, angry, scared that I was going crazy since my emotions were everywhere.. I remember the feelings of panic and hyperventilating when I saw he had removed a video on youtube of him playing a song on the piano just for me... I remember being in my car and driving down the highway SCREAMING for close to a half an hour straight, and feelings of numbness too.

 

Eventually the nightmares stopped and getting out of bed was easier. Still painful, but I didn't have to lay there crying for 20 minutes first. Sometimes I'd cry in the shower, but I noticed I would only need to cry for a few minutes. I'd feel upset driving by his parents house and would call a friend to cheer me up. I stopped feeling like I needed to obsess over the details of the break up all the time.

 

Now I feel ok. I'm cheerful again and it feels AWESOME. I haven't cried in over a week. Maybe I'm back to being in denial and delusional that reconciliation is going to happen? Maybe my heart is finally letting go a bit? I'm not sure. But I know that I no longer hyperventilate, or feel the need to scream in pain, or bring him up in every single conversation. Except on here of course, haha.

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