Jump to content

Would now be too early to contact her again?


audacity4387

Recommended Posts

Long story (not so) short:

I started hitting things off with an acquaintance from high school this past summer (both just graduated college, hadnt seen each other in ages). We started talking a lot, hung out a bit, went out together a few times. Due to the lack of anything else going on in my life, I found myself getting really attached to the girl since we had been talking for a few hours nearly everyday for a few months. The furthest we went was making out a few times. Anyways, I ended up getting really drunk one night (ugh) and we had the "whats going on with us talk." She said she didnt want a relationship or anything since she doesnt really know whats going to happen job-wise and whatnot. I understand that completely. However, I was pretty blasted so I completely overreacted and got a bit upset. She didnt believe me that I wasnt upset, so I just left her alone for a few weeks (talked every now and then) to let her collect her thoughts.

 

Anyway, I tried to start talking to her again and she would still seem kind of distant. So then after about 2 weeks of not talking or anything, we ended up having a real conversation finally. She said she thought that due to my leaving her alone that I thought after all that (the drunk conversation) I had just moved on and was above it all. I told her I wasn't, and just wanted to give her some time to collect her thoughts. She apologized for being "a * * * * * " (her words) and then that talk kind of ended.

 

After that talk, I thought things might've been able to move into the right direction, I guess I was wrong. I'd ask her if she wanted to get together during the week, and she would say "sure, sounds great." Then when I would call her, she would completely ignore my calls, not respond or anything. This happened about 3 times, and I had enough. I sent her a message saying that if she wants to hang out or just chat, thats fantastic, but I"m not going to put up with essentially being ignored. So I sent her that, and didnt expect to hear back. Three days later, she sent me a text saying "i dont want you to think i dont care, its just been hectic around here and i want to be able to think" (heh, I know what that means). I told her to take as much time to think as she needs.

 

Its been a bit over a month since I got that from her, and I was wondering if it would be too soon for me to just sent her a little message like a "hey whats up, just wondering how you've been?" All things considered, I think it's been a good thing that I haven't talked to her in the past month. I feel 20x more confident about everything and can accept it either way (if she wants to start getting together again or not).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sure, it seems like a good time to check in. She's certainly not leaping through hoops to be in touch with you, though, so prepare yourself that she may not be that interested right now. By the way, for the future, when you are drunk is the worst possible time to have serious talks.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Audacity,

 

Don't take this the wrong way, but why are you knocking yourself out for this girl? She has ignored your attempts to get together and she has really made no effort on her own to seek you out.

 

I hate to be so direct, but I don't think she is that into you. If she were she would make an effort.

 

I think you have done what you can do. Its her turn to ante up.

 

X

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Haha, I'm not really knocking myself out anymore. I really don't care if it goes either way.

 

I know a lot of her friends from high school, and they all said she was pretty into me when things were going well. I just feel like due to that drunk talk, I sort of established myself as a bit of a * * * * * , and I feel like if I can just have one little casual talk with her to catch up I can start slowly moving things back in the right direction.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

hey yes you can check back in

my advice is to have a plan...maybe something specific to ask her to

a concert a gallery a museum or something

i think you should not make the point of your meeting to "talk" as its been over a month and its not that you cant bring it up in the conversation if it feels natural but just that when you ask her out dont make her feel like oh he wants to hangout and have "the talk"

have a plan....women like it when the guy can take control and plan out something. and also it gives you both something you can do and have fun and will lighten up the mood

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sent her the msg late this past afternoon. No response yet, though I wasn't expecting one quickly. She has a HUGE family and is pretty consistently busy. Even when things were going well it would take a bit for a response, so I'm not going to rush anything. But I am still feeling confident and will be fine with whatever happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi audacity,

 

If I really tried, I could give you about a million reasons why she didn't respond. All of which being perfectly acceptable and excusable.

 

But do you really want to hear them? The end result is that, no matter the reason, she didn't respond. I have been there countless times, and it always hurt the same.

 

I admire your strength and I hope you can indeed move on as quickly as you feel able.

 

-TOF

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lo and behold 4 days later she responds.

 

She said "ive been thinking about you." she said she passes my house frequently and always wonders how i am (we live very close by). said that she wishes more was new with her, and that we should plan a night to go out to the bars soon.

 

Now, how do I respond? I literally just got the message so I'm not going to respond just yet so as to not seem like I've just been sitting around for it (i swear i havent What should I say? I would be slightly excited about her saying we should meet up at the bars sometime; but shes pulled bull * * * * like this before (saying she'd like to get together but having no real intention). What do I do wise members of ENA?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Lo and behold 4 days later she responds.

 

Now, how do I respond? I literally just got the message so I'm not going to respond just yet so as to not seem like I've just been sitting around for it (i swear i havent What should I say? I would be slightly excited about her saying we should meet up at the bars sometime; but shes pulled bull * * * * like this before (saying she'd like to get together but having no real intention). What do I do wise members of ENA?

 

I'd wait a couple of days then answer. Suggest her to meet on some specific day / time maybe a week from there. If she bails out call it a game and quit asking her. From then, it only makes sense to react if she would really want to meet up and if she'd approach you first.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Given her history of making broad plans and then not following through, you might want to swallow your pride a little bit and take the initiative. By that I mean you could ask her what days she is free over the next few weeks. Leaving the question somewhat open ended will give her room to select a time and day that is comfortable for her; but asking about what days will force her to commit to a meeting.

 

I don't think you need to wait two or more days. Responding tomorrow would be fine. It is long enough that you don't seem eager, but short enough that it doesn't seem like you are stressing over it or playing games.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

alright so, i took 2 days and responded, just told her how i was doing, said i was glad to hear shes doing well, threw a few callbacks to inside jokes in the message. the next night online i IM'd her just for the hell of it to see what she was up to (it was late on friday). we talked for like 10 minutes, I was absolutely exhausted so I told her I was going to go to sleep. She said "Hey, maybe sometime I will see you soon," (what the hell kind of ambiguous statement is that? haha. I just said "alright, stay in touch, bye" etc. She was away in the city (we're in a suburb) visiting friends last night, so I couldn't of asked her to get together or anything. But I'm not quite sure what to do now. Calling her up would be a bit pointless (she never answers her phone - not just to me, all of her friends are always complaining on her FB wall about how she never picks up). I'm thinking of maybe trying to spark up a few more conversations online, then taking it from there. I don't want to try and rush anything. I was going to hit her up today while she was on, but it being valentine's day, I decided to wait. What do you guys think would be best?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...