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Dont know what to think now!


syxx87

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Some of you have read my threads and know my but for those of you who dont, here is the quick rundown.

 

- Were together for 3.5 year

- Broke up with me for her boss in the end of November because I didnt do the "little things" anymore, took the relationship for granted, etc.

- Was in NC/LC for the month of December and she threw so many mixed signals at me.

- She told me and mutual friends how much she missed me, loved me, and all the other stuff close towards X-Mas.

- New Years, we all hung out and me and her spent New Years together, made out, and spent the whole day together talking about us, where we went wrong, and even the potential of reconciliation.

- She got distant again after that and I finally had enough

- Finally told her after New Years that we would be in strict NC while she was dating her boss and have been for about 5 weeks (A little over a month) now.

 

Now for the latest (sorry for the potential long post)

 

So It has been five weeks since me and my ex last talked. She tried to message me on FB a week into NC but I ignored it since it wasnt anything but her telling me she was proud of me for something I did. I've been doing all the usual healing tactics, getting fit, finding new interests (Church), hanging out with friends, going out and meeting new people, and going out on dates. About three weeks ago, my best friend randomly was asking me about my opinion on the breakup, what I thought about my ex, and if I still wanted to get back with her. When I asked him why he was asking me this, he told me it was something I should possibly be thinking about, which I found to be weird. The next day a co worker told me she seen my ex and her boss out eating somewhere which kind of stung me some that day.

 

When I told my best friend about it, he had a confused look on his face which made me ask whats going on and what does he know. He finally admitted that my ex had reached out to him on FB and was asking him for help on her situation with her boss. She told him how she appreciated all the sweet things he does for her (which she left me for) but she couldnt see herself falling in love with him. She was asking my best friend about how she should go about breaking up with him as well. She begged him not to tell me either. As much as I tried to not let that get my hopes up, it did just a little. I just tried to tell myself that actions speak louder than words and everything she has said to me or others about this whole situation has been been just talk.

 

A few more weeks go by and once I realized that I had went exactly a month of NC with her, it kind of hurt me a little and I had a semi breakdown and talked to my mom. She then tells me how my ex had messaged her and my grandma on FB last week to see how they are doing and to let them know she misses them. That doesnt mean anything but I did wonder if she was so set on her new life without me, why would she stay in contact with my loved ones?

 

On Wednesday night, a friend of mine came over and he has been going through a breakup as well so we have been able to talk to each other and lean on each other for support. We had been drinking and I finally told him some info about his ex that me and another friend were keeping secret from him for his own well being. He then turned around and told me how he seen my ex a few weeks ago drunk at a club dancing with a few dudes and even someone I considered a close friend a couple of years back. He said that she came to him and asked where I was and went back about her business. He said that he told my best friend about it and they decided to keep it from me for the time being. I was furious and wanted to punch a wall. The whole week I have been thinking that it seems she will never come back and this just added to it.

 

I immediately called my best friend to ask him if it was true. He told me yes it was and then told me that while I had reason to be upset about that, that I also had reason to be optimistic and that thats all he could tell me. That threw me for a loop, and had me wondering what was going on for the rest of the night. He has been staying over at my ex's house with her sister while he is waiting for his apartment to be finished so which is why he has had the constant contact with her lately. I spent the entire next day wondering what I should be optimistic for and unfortunately was anticipating "The Call" which never came about.

 

Then Friday, I had to go to a basketball game which just happened to be where my ex works. When we were leaving, I noticed her car was in the parking lot by itself (it was well past business hours), which told me that she was likely out somewhere with her boss. That stung me a little bit and when I told my best friend about it, he once again had a confused look on his face. He then said that "if thats the case then she lied to him". I finally just asked him to tell me what happened. He told me that she broke up with her boss on Wednesday night. He said that she literally asked him how she should do it before she went and did it. He said that when she came back, she said she did it and described how hard and emotional it was for both.

 

I didnt know what to think! Part of me was excited obviously but part of me was hurt as well because that happened two days earlier and still no call, no text, no e-mail, not anything from her. I halfway want to swallow my pride and contact her instead of sitting here waiting for her to call first(Which I want and kind of think should be the case) but that will be an epic failure on my part if she is back with her boss and waste 33 days of NC.

 

So do I stay in my protective bubble that is NC or do I swallow my pride and reach out to her to see whats going on? I really dont know if I should keep on as if she isnt coming back or if I should atleast try and reach out to her. Anyone have some input? Sorry for the long post as well!

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I would wait for her to make contact. She broke up with you, and she is the one who dissapeared after she gave you hope that you were getting back together. That she has not called you two days after the "break up" with boss doesnt mean anything. She could be trying to it some time before she contacts you. I would do the same in her shoes.

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I say leave her alone and make sure that she has broken up with her boss for good. Her reaching out to you at this point could make her more confused and she could waffle back and forth between who is the better of both of you. The fact that you aren't contacting her and applying any pressure whatsoever works better for you. It has to make her wonder why you aren't contacting her - keep her wondering. You know she is by all that you have learned from others. Curiosity kills the cat! You want her to come back to you only if she is ready and knows that she wants to be with you. Not just to test waters, see how she feels only to have her turn and bolt with uncertainty. Let her come to these conclusions on your own.

 

Patience weedhopper.

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I would wait for her to make contact. She broke up with you, and she is the one who dissapeared after she gave you hope that you were getting back together. That she has not called you two days after the "break up" with boss doesnt mean anything. She could be trying to it some time before she contacts you. I would do the same in her shoes.

 

I say leave her alone and make sure that she has broken up with her boss for good. Her reaching out to you at this point could make her more confused and she could waffle back and forth between who is the better of both of you. The fact that you aren't contacting her and applying any pressure whatsoever works better for you. It has to make her wonder why you aren't contacting her - keep her wondering. You know she is by all that you have learned from others. Curiosity kills the cat! You want her to come back to you only if she is ready and knows that she wants to be with you. Not just to test waters, see how she feels only to have her turn and bolt with uncertainty. Let her come to these conclusions on your own.

 

Patience weedhopper.

 

Thank you both for your responses! I actually agree with what both of you said and it actually calmed me down some. It wouldnt surprise me if her emotions and feelings are all out of whack right now and I definitely wouldnt want her to come back to me right now if she is having underlying thoughts about her boss, debating her decision, and trying to compare the two of us flipping back and forth. I'm just so impatient and keep expecting immediate results. I need to keep on with my life as if she isnt coming back because the past few days really have set me back.

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I realize that the drama of her life has been your focus, but I'd consider taking a step back and clarifying for yourself exactly how willing you are to take back a lover who could leave you just as quickly again for someone else who starts doing little things for her...

 

How can this woman possibly own the clarity right now to assure both you and herself that this would never happen again? How willing are you to live out a future of always looking over your shoulder for signs of her next disloyalty?

 

I'd focus on resolving these questions for yourself instead of investing in every little drink she takes and with whom. At this point, I would not believe in her as relationship material--she likely needs some solo time to do the work of getting her head on straight, but would she even be willing to do that? She's like a trapeze artist swinging from one guy to the next. Is THAT really what you want back in your life? If so, how do you intend to handle it?

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