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So my ex and i broke up 3 months ago. It has been up and down ever since. I was the one who left. It was the hardest decision of my life because I still cared for him. I just knew it wasn't right. Too start off with he was devestated. He would message and call a lot. He insisted that going no contact would not help in any way. I felt so guilty I did whatever he asked to make him feel better.

 

And then after about 3 weeks he informs me that he is seeing someone else. Well I know it shouldn't have bothered me as I was the one who left first but I was still gutted. After only 3 weeks!! A few weeks later the tables turn again and he insists that he's not over me and he's only with her to try and feel better. And once again I go back to feeling guilty.

 

So it's been up and down ever since. Some weeks he seems ok. I know he has quite a few girls chasing him and i'm pretty sure he meets up with a few of them. And others he informs me he can't even be bothered getting out of bed because it's just not worth it. I do want him to move on and be happy again. I know I shouldn't feel gutted at the thought of him being someone else but I can't help it.

 

After a lot of thinking i've come to the conclusion that the worst part about all this is how alone I feel. For the past two years whenever i'm down I knew he was just a phone call away. When there was nothing to do on a weekend we could just spend a quiet one watching dvd's. Now I have no one. Most of my friends have boyfriends and i'm constantly fighting for their attention. We also have quite a few mutual friends and occasionally I feel like I can't go to a certain party or event because he'll be their and mixed with alcohol and other girls it wouldn't go well.

 

I've thought about moving on and start to see someone again. But everyone I meet just seems to annoy me. Either that, or I'm worried about how the ex would feel if he found out. Maybe i'm not ready to find someone else. I would settle for just a close friend that I could spend time with and talk to and would want to spend time with me. I feel so constantly lonely.

 

Next big challange is valentine's day. Most friends are heading to a party that the ex will be at. The thought of going makes me feel sick for more reasons then just the him. Its not my scene. But I don't know what to do instead. I don't want to sit at home on a Saturday night, and valentine's day as well. It seems most of the people i know will either be at that party, working or spending it with the bf/gf.

 

Does it ever get easier? I just want to feel better and not to hurt anymore.

 

I'm sorry if I'm rambling or if it doesn't make sense. I just need to get it out.

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It makes perfect sense.

 

You still care for your ex and want to see him happy. More important you need to make yourself happy. You broke up for a reason I assume? And it has been a few months. Try not to think about him right now. You are still feeling lonely and guilty. You need to take care of yourself first.

 

The lonely feelings suck. But you might want to embrace the single life until you are OK on your own. That is far easier said than done. You may already know this, but now is the time to make some changes in your life. If there is anything you want to do different, go for it. Want to try something new? Go for it. Take care of yourself.

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Yes your right. And that's what I thought when we first broke up. I don't mind being single. I don't need to be someone's girlfriend.

 

And in a few weeks I'll start my first year of Uni so at least that will be a new challange to thing about.

 

It's just the thought of next weekend being completely alone with no one to even catch up with. Everyone already has plans. Just need to find a friend that I can catch up for a movie or go have a drink with. Something to make me feel just a little less alone.

 

But i'll get through it somehow.

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