6 months on......

[dandan78]

*Disclaimer*

If this post jumps from point to point it is just a reflection of where my head is today

 

So, here it is. The 6 month "anniversary" of the break up. This time 26 weeks ago I had no idea how much my life was about to change.

The fact that I'm writing this tells me that I'm still not completely over it but I am no longer the emotional wreck I once was.

I'm filled with what can only be described as a numbness, like its all been a dream.

I still really dislike the fact that she is with someone else and would have liked things to have worked out between us but even that is a far cry from despising the fact that she is with someone else and feeling threatened by everything I imagined they were doing, and thinking that we should get back together and made things work.

I miss having her in my life, we went through so much together. That is a long way from feeling that I needed her in my life. If it's possible, I'd like us to be friends again in the future. Who knows?

 

I saw her the other day. We passed on the street. I kept my head high, I smiled and simply said, "Morning". My stomach didn't knot up and my heart didn't sink.

She looked miserable, stared at her feet and her voice broke as she said hello. I actually felt sorry for her.

 

I've lost friends, but gained new ones. I've become closer to my family and resolved a lot of issues from my past. I have started making a new identity for myself, based solely on ME. My self-worth is no longer based around other people and relationships. My self-esteem and confidence grow every day. I've lost the best part of 55lbs and look better and healthier than I have in a decade. I've started dating and am quite excited about the prospect of meeting someone new. I've got a few interviews coming up. Things are starting to look good again.

At times, I've been my own worst enemy. I've stumbled, I've fallen, I've deliberately hurt myself (emotionally and physically). I've gone against good advice, I've lied to myself and those close to me. I've cried, I've screamed, I've lost hope.

 

The point of this post? I'm not really sure. I guess I don't know how I'm supposed to be feeling today.

There are still feelings there but what they are, I don't know. I feel like a cry but couldn't tell you why.

 

Sorry if none of this makes sense but I just needed to write it down.

[HopefulDrew]

I'm glad you wrote it down. You're making progress and getting better.

[Rob1000]

Keep going.... you're doing so well.

[learning2relax]

Thank you for sharing....you give me hope.

[Brightstar]

You have come so far. It's 4 months for me. I saw his name today and that's how I felt, really numb. I didn't feel sad or angry any more just a bit empty. Take care.

[phaze]

Thanks for sharing Dandan. I'm really happy for your progress and accomplishments. The part where you said "morning" to you ex brought a smile to my face.

[DaNnYsInN]

hell you've been makin some dam progress man. stay strong and keep things real. u have dates n stuff sorted out.. ur goin to do awesomely well. congrats and gud luck