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New and shocking feelings


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At my place of employment a new supervisor was recently hired. I got a good vibe from her when we first met, and it was nice and refreshing to have someone new on the team. During the past month, my appreciation for her grew and I shortly began to realize that it's my first real crush on a girl. I've been attracted to a couple of girls in my past,but I've never had to be so near them for a particularly long stretch of time. I am confused and feeling helpless by infatuation; I feel like we are both very similar in a lot of ways. I don't know if she picks up my feelings intuitively, and I'm terrified that she might. When I asked her what she was doing tonight she said that her girlfriend (just found out about her partner that way) was going to be away all weekend and she had nothing to do. She asked me if any of my friends were in my town, I said no, because I recently moved there. (Subtle way of asking to hang out? Not sure) I'm scared. Never been so into someone of the same sex. Everytime I'm around her I get excited and can't think. What can I do to be less awkward around her and maybe become her friend? Could it be likely she feels the same way about me too?

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Two things: Is this person your supervisor? Your job might frown on a relationship between a supervisor and a subordinate because of the potential for sexual harassment charges. More importantly, this person has a partner. Those two things should be screaming "off limits" to you.

 

As far as how to feel less awkward, I would avoid non-work related conversations and make it a point to not be in the presence of this person.

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Two things: Is this person your supervisor? Your job might frown on a relationship between a supervisor and a subordinate because of the potential for sexual harassment charges. More importantly, this person has a partner. Those two things should be screaming "off limits" to you.

 

As far as how to feel less awkward, I would avoid non-work related conversations and make it a point to not be in the presence of this person.

 

^ This answer is absolutely correct.

 

Plus, it doesn't sound as though you are seeking "camaraderie" with her. You ask in the last line of your post if your supervisor could be feeling the same way towards you as you do towards her. Those feelings were described as "infatuated" and "excited". I would back way off from this one.

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^ This answer is absolutely correct.

 

Plus, it doesn't sound as though you are seeking "camaraderie" with her. You ask in the last line of your post if your supervisor could be feeling the same way towards you as you do towards her. Those feelings were described as "infatuated" and "excited". I would back way off from this one.

 

I only asked out of sheer curiosity. I would feel better if she were feeling conflicted too.. I feel alone and vulnerable with these new feelings. I'm definitely not looking for anything more than a friendship, I like my job and intend on keeping it. I'm so concerned about maintaining boundaries that its interfering with having a friendly work relationship. Yes, I'm infatuated, and I want to learn how to get over it.

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I'm so concerned about maintaining boundaries that its interfering with having a friendly work relationship. Yes, I'm infatuated, and I want to learn how to get over it.

 

Well, you might not be able to help the feelings of infatuation, but they do fade. The key is not acting on those feelings. I suggest keeping a friendly (but not too friendly) demeanor with her at work. Don't talk about deeply personal issues. Also, absolutely no socializing outside of the work place.

 

It happens to all of us at one time or another, beep.boop...time is the best cure for infatuation. Take care...

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I'm probably not reading it all quite right - but she may have meant girlfriend as her best friend - who happens to be a girl. My mom is the farthest thing from gay; yet she says so bravely "my girlfriend" when she's talking about one of her friends she met in elementary/middle school.

 

Just a small bit of advise It's quite possible she actually meant her girlfriend, and I'm just blabbing on about nothing ;D

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I'm probably not reading it all quite right - but she may have meant girlfriend as her best friend - who happens to be a girl. My mom is the farthest thing from gay; yet she says so bravely "my girlfriend" when she's talking about one of her friends she met in elementary/middle school.

 

Just a small bit of advise It's quite possible she actually meant her girlfriend, and I'm just blabbing on about nothing ;D

 

No, I definitely get the vibe that she's not straight. Older women casually say "girlfriend" often without meaning SO, younger women not so much.

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How did you go about it? How did you change the friendship dynamic into a romantic one without disaster happening?

 

well first of all, we went out drinking together a lot. Okay it's not the most romantic or whatever, but I think that if we hadn't the whole thing may not have started. Alcohol lowers inhibitions a lot, and I honestly believe that it makes us do things that we WANT to do but are too scared to.

 

I remember at first just being kind of like drinking buddies out of work. I also remember one night confiding in her about feeling lonely etc, which brought us closer together. Then one night we were having like a work party, and a female colleague (not my boss) was kind of kissing girls as a dare or something. This colleague asked to kiss me and I did, which I think made my boss notice that I'm not adverse to kissing girls.

 

Anyway a few nights later we were out having drinks again, when she (my boss) asked me to walk to the cash point with her. We were both kinda intoxicated and had been laughing and having fun together all night, and maybe subtley flirting. We used to touch hands a lot, and hug eachother, stroke eachothers hair etc. Then we looked at eachother and there was just like this 'moment', and then she said 'kiss me', and I did. We went back to her flat and slept together that night, and it was so amazing.

 

It wasn't all smooth sailing though. I left before she woke up, and when she did wake up she totally freaked out. She sent me lots of texts saying that she was so sorry and that she hoped I didn't think she took advantage of me, that it wouldn't happen again and could I please not tell anyone. When I got to work she took me down to the basement and basically said the same things she did in her texts.

 

I was pretty upset..but then a few nights later it happened again. I was sitting on the arm of this armchair she was sitting on and as we were talking we just kept moving closer and closer to eachother and ended up kissing. Then she kinda freaked out again and said I should go.

 

It was weird because it was her that kept pulling me in and also her who kept pushing me away. I remember one night we had a few drinks together and ended up having sex on the beach in the moonlight under the stars..it was amazing, like a movie or something.

 

Eventually she stopped freaking out about it and we just accepted how we felt and became a couple. That kind of happened after I started seeing someone else casually and she got upset and said she wanted us to be exclusive. I kept staying over at her flat and eventually just moved in and we got really serious..

 

She dumped me three years later on new year's eve, and I was totally heartbroken, but that's another story!

 

Anyway that's pretty much what happened (in a big nutshell) and to me I think that big factors that contributed were: getting close as friends BUT being flirty with it ie lots of eye contact and physical contact, and to be honest, getting drunk together a lot. I guess I was lucky because she made the first move, but it felt like there was just this intuitive feeling that it didn't matter who made the first move because we both knew that we wanted eachother.

 

I hope that helps, let me know if you have any questions or want to talk more, because I know how you feel.

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That sounds so sweet.. I wonder if that's how a lot of office romances happen between coworkers..? It's getting kind of bad at work I keep getting turned on around her, it makes me so flustered and I can't think of anything to say.. so awkward I invited her out for the weekend by txt'ing and she wants to, but I've been to shy to bring it up in person! I don't want to be so shy.. She has a girlfriend anyways, so I can't even hope for anything romantic to come out of our relationship. But some small part of my mind says its possible..

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Please don't be one of those people who disrespects already existing relationships.

 

I would never do anything to jeopardize her existing relationship, I care for and respect her too much to do anything like that. My mind sometimes likes to ask "what if?" , that's all I was saying. I feel like a creep for even allowing a glimmer of hope for something more.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Well, now I'm just getting the cold shoulder. Asked her to go see a concert with me, planned it together, and plans fell through. The following monday I'm getting the cold shoulder. I've been getting it on and off since the day I blushed hard around her. I don't like being ignored when we have to work closely together.. It's hard to talk about this stuff with her. Not sure what to do

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