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ex hurt me but wont be my friend???


saddeyes

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My ex broke up with me and was clearly hurting when he did it..so he could move on with a new girl he met..Now he wont speak to me, he totally ignores me after all my efforts of trying to be nice and forgive him.

I dont understand why he cant just be cival with me..he hurt me..WHY NOT JUST BE FRIENDLY?

Yes he moved on and clearly dont want to be with me, i accept that, so WHY after 5 years together just ban me from his life??????

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Yes, they want to avoid feeling guilty or any other negative emotion brought about by being around an ex. Put yourself in their shoes. You would not want to be around someone who made you feel bad all the time (whether intentionally or not).

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I don't know. Wish I knew the answer to that..I finally just had to give up. I think for some they don't want a reminder of what they did or the relationship. But I'm pretty decent friends with some of my ex's..so..I don't know..I guess some people can handle it and others can't.

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I'm sorry you're hurting. I broke up with a boyfriend of four years but we were best friends and intended to stay that way. He eventually found another girl he liked and once they got more serious she made clear to him that she would not be with him if he kept contact with ANY ex girlfriends. He and I were fine (and platonic) however he eventually cut it clean with me to keep her happy. It was devastating for me and sent me to counseling. Probably sounds weird since I broke up with him, but I really cared about him and we were super close, just didn't do well as a couple.

 

Anyway, I know how you feel. It took me a long time to get over it. Probably doesn't have to though. What it finally came down to was me (with a support group) having a little "memorial service" for him. Sharing my memory box and some stories, grieving my loss, accepting the situation for what it was, and letting go.

 

At the point you're in, he may just need a little time to detach and get his head on clear, so maybe allowing yourself to let go and accept the situation for what it is would be a good first step, if you are able. I imagine people can't let go until their ready.

 

Sorry, I'm rambling, I'm writing this while my bf is babbling in my other ear!

 

Get some support, and feel better! Keep venting on this website and if you can't afford a counselor you can always go to a CoDA meeting if for nothing other than venting your feelings.

 

Best wishes..

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My ex broke up with me and was clearly hurting when he did it..so he could move on with a new girl he met..Now he wont speak to me, he totally ignores me after all my efforts of trying to be nice and forgive him.

I dont understand why he cant just be cival with me..he hurt me..WHY NOT JUST BE FRIENDLY?

Yes he moved on and clearly dont want to be with me, i accept that, so WHY after 5 years together just ban me from his life??????

 

Why would you want to friendly with someone who walked away from you to be with someone else. If he is with someone new he probably doesn't think it is a good idea to interact with his ex. Look at what he did..he walked away from your relationship to be with someone else...which means he could have been cheating on you (at the very least, emotional cheating)...since he could do something like that, it is not very surprising that he can act uncivil to you. People who know they have wronged someone often can't face them. Time for you to see the kind of man he really is and walk away knowing you were the better person.

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My ex broke up with me and was clearly hurting when he did it..so he could move on with a new girl he met..Now he wont speak to me, he totally ignores me after all my efforts of trying to be nice and forgive him.

I dont understand why he cant just be cival with me..he hurt me..WHY NOT JUST BE FRIENDLY?

Yes he moved on and clearly dont want to be with me, i accept that, so WHY after 5 years together just ban me from his life??????

 

All I can say is that breakups are tough on both sides. It's difficult to transition from bf/gf to friends. Instead of trying to contact him now, let him know you are there if he wants to be friends and retreat. Give it time ... so you can heal and he can decrease his guilt/sadness.

 

If you don't want to be friends in the future, then you don't have to.

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Being friends with someone after breaking up with them is torture. Pure torture. One of you wants more than the other.

 

Whether or not you are hoping for reconciliation, the best advice I can give you is to focus on yourself and healing. Maybe a year or two down the road you can reconnect and friendship will be possible. The two of you could also be in a better place to start a new and take another shot at a relationship. Right now you have to put the relationship you are no longer in behind you and move on. Whether it is friendship or reconciliation, the new relationship in any form has to be truly new. Let go of the past........ It takes time and a whole lot of patience. Being here and sharing on ENA can help you get there by sharing with people in the same boat.

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