Jump to content

What are the chances of getting back together?


TheShoe

Recommended Posts

I'm not actually looking for a definitive answer, but some testimonial on the subject.

 

We were together for 4 years, and living together for 2. Last week she broke up with me, saying she wanted to be single again. To grow as an individual, rediscover her independence. and generally (pardon the cliche) do some soul searching.

 

So we didn't end things with a fantastic fight. I almost wish it had, since people can forgive isolated incidences like that. But it seems like she just doesn't want a boyfriend right now.

 

 

My question is, has anyone here dealt with this kind of break up before? I'm sure I'm being a fool for hoping to get back together, but how much of a fool? Where should I go from here?

 

I've kept up NC for 4 days. It's been pretty easy since she's basically doing it as well. The last time she e-mailed me she told me she wasn't feeling all that much pain. That was a gut-buster.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

i'm in a similar situation. not really sure what the chances are of getting back together, but i'm holding onto hope as well. i wish it would have ended in a huge fight or that one of us had done some unforgivable thing to the other as well. at least thing i'd know not to have any hope.

 

i have stayed no contact for most of it and that seems to be good for me and is also igniting some interest in her as she has contacted me again... even though it confuses me more. just stay tough, don't put all your eggs in one basket... and try to be cool if she does contact you.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Sorry to hear about your breakup.

 

It sounds as if she is not ready for any commitment at this time, and is entering into that soul searching time of her life.

 

If the genders had been switched I would have said it was a classic mid-life crisis, but that does not sound as if that's the case.

 

At any rate, as painful as it is, you have to take her words as her truth -- that she simply wants to be single right now, and not in a relationship.

 

Bad timing for the two of you, even if you are soul-mates. Sometimes you just have to let go and allow someone to do the growth they need to do.

 

And sometimes it can take years.

 

I think that by the time she "figures things out" she will likely not come back to you, as your relationship will remind her of that time of her life when she was unhappy or confused or unsettled or whatever.

 

I say do your grieving and accept this reality and move forward into new and healthy relationships when you are ready.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, and my counselor told me that often the one who left the relationship does not feel much pain, while the person left behind does. Sometimes that is because the one who broke up is the one who made the choice and therefore was in control, and often thought it out internally before making that choice...

 

So she will not likely be feeling any pain.

 

Maybe once you start dating again, she might...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

They tend to suffer more and longer than the ones they leave or move away from to get space.

 

Thanks learning2relax. Even though I wouldn't really want her to be devastated, I'd be lying if I claimed I wasn't cheered up by your words.

 

I think that by the time she "figures things out" she will likely not come back to you, as your relationship will remind her of that time of her life when she was unhappy or confused or unsettled or whatever.

 

My brain completely agrees. My heart is in complete denial. Hopefully time will help the heart see the error of its ways.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Yeah, I'm there too... after a marriage of 17 years and 21 years together in all...

 

After 18 months of separation I have watched my ex go through some great growth, but I am sure we will never get back together because he just has bad memories of our relationship. Ironically I can see him getting together with someone just like me...but not me...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Me and my current bf broke up right as I graduated high school, it crushed me.. he was unhappy with his job and where his life was going and he needed time to figure out some stuff.. 3 months later he said he couldn't stand being away from me and we have been back together since.. I was going through a life changing phase entering a new era in my life and I needed the space.. it was the best thing for us.. sometimes things dont go as planned.. I hope she finds what she needs.. while shes doing her soul searching you should do the same.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...