This is a good sign...

[mrvaughn]

I found out something today that normally would have 'set me off' so to speak. But as I sit here I am calm and have only the very slightest sense of anxiety, not much at all.

 

In the past, when this sort of thing would happen, all the bad feelings would overcome me. Now it's barely noticeable.

 

I think it's because I accepted what happened & know that I don't want her at all.

 

Part of me questioned whether this is because of NC. That NC made me stop feeling for her because we have been apart and my emotions are 'forgetting'.

 

But I think it's more to do with the fact that I have processed the info about everything that happened & I have concluded (and rightly so) that she is a scary individual who lied to me and treated me like crap. A person that I want nothing to do with.

 

I truly believe now that things happen for a reason, e.g. I would never have started a college course. Now it looks like there is a job that I am being put in line for & the qualification I am learning is the requirement for this particular job. The only reason I enrolled was so that I had something to take my mind off her.

 

Also, I have learned a real lesson...Trust is key...and I need someone I can trust completely. I also need to be with someone who will respect me and not manipulate me. She did so when we were friends by telling me those lies...and even worse...used those lies during all the talk of 'us'. These lies, among other factors, prove that she was in fact stringing me along all that time.

 

She lied about being raped, and lied about having a kid too. Not to mention saying her relative was 'terminally ill' among countless other lies, including other family members and her (allegedly soon to be ex) boyfriend. How could you allow someone like that into your life, have them around your family and worry she could be telling lies about you & your family to others and never find out about them?

 

I excused her behaviour for too long & always held a notion of 'what i'd lost' because the good times between us. But the more I think of it...I realise they weren't 'all that' at all. And it was all a charade anyway, to be honest we had little in common & our conversations were often meaningless & mainly about her 'made-up' life. She wasn't very smart really & i'd have to explain a lot of common knowledge things to her. I put those things to the side because I was attracted to her. She was 'nice' and nice to me. But we were in work where she had to be nice. She acted a way around me that was totally unacceptable for someone with a boyfriend . I was the only young guy in work, so had there been others then i'd likely have seen her act this way with them and not though of myself as 'special' when it came to her.

 

Well now I see that she is certainly not 'nice'. People always maintain a facade in work, albeit to varying degrees depending on their home personality. I now see the true her, so I realise that i've not lost a thing (except almost a year of my life processing the 'thoughts' about everything). Her dad was a gangster, her sister a cokehead, her brother is technically also her cousin. The Bro/Cuz is violent & hung some poor guy out of a window by his ankles. Her poor bf...she said he hit & cheated on her. I'm sure he's no angel if he's with her, but these are lies she's telling behind his back. AND THIS IS SOMEONE SHE LOVES? Not a stretch to see that she'd have no problems messing a simple 'friend' about to feed her attention seeking ways.

 

How could I imagine a relationship with her...To imagine Her as the potential mother of My kids...What was I thinking! ](*,)

[fxer82]

very good sign

[Blackey]

lol so u also had a dumb ex, i broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago...she was so stupid and boring when it came to conversation and knowledge, the only thing i could tlak to her about was sex, relationshhip and gossips. I tried talking to her about other stuff also, but general knowledege even recent new such as a big earthquick that kills thousands of people would not interest her, i found it so annoying and i put up with that crap for almost a year... dont know how... i really wanted it to work but she is so stupid its not even funny.. and even when she was talking about sex or relationships she was also pretty limited to shallow information about these topics... damn why is it so hard to find an intelligent girl someone who you can hold a good conversation with....

[mrvaughn]

lol so u also had a dumb ex, i broke up with my ex almost 2 months ago...she was so stupid and boring when it came to conversation and knowledge, the only thing i could tlak to her about was sex, relationshhip and gossips. I tried talking to her about other stuff also, but general knowledege even recent new such as a big earthquick that kills thousands of people would not interest her, i found it so annoying and i put up with that crap for almost a year... dont know how... i really wanted it to work but she is so stupid its not even funny.. and even when she was talking about sex or relationships she was also pretty limited to shallow information about these topics... damn why is it so hard to find an intelligent girl someone who you can hold a good conversation with....

 

Yeah, it's now that I realise that. I guess you do get blinded to things a bit. When I look back I realise that we really could never have been (even without the lies). We were two different people from very different backgrounds.

 

She must have intelligence on some level to be able to lie like that...and maintain those lies for long periods of time. But similarly, a lack of intelligence to think that she could 'get away' with telling them and no-one would find out over time.

 

I think a major factor was this:

 

She was nice to me and we got along well. This then changed when there was talk of 'us'. She showed how little my feelings mattered to her by the way she acted and things she said (or didn't say). She lied to me before, when we were 'just friends', and during...when there was talk of 'us'. She used them against me and was messing me about.

 

Before, it was that I couldn't imagine that she'd do that to me, but as time has went on it's obvious that if she lies about her family the way she does & shows a lack of respect to her bf like the way she did (and the fact the lies are a sign of attention seeking in the extreme), then she wouldn't think twice about using me for attention (she was doing so in work i now feel...didn't matter where she got it, or who she was using...it just happened to be me)

 

I guess if i'm honest I felt a bit superior to her in a few ways. Maybe I didn't like it when she was taking control, but she was calling the shots...it was her way or the high way. But that's what saved me in the end because she was messing me about. I didn't just 'roll-over' so to speak. I listened to the things telling me something wasn't right and voiced concerns and was honest about wanting to be treated right...

 

...She never did. She turned carefully thought out statements from myself (statements that were neither angry or blaming...only caring and honest) and turned them into arguments. She was manipulating it all.

 

One thing still puzzles me though, and maybe some of you could give your opinions here...

 

We would argue and make up (ususally with me apologising, just to smooth things over) and we'd go on with her telling me to "be patient" and wait for her to be ready. Why, as she obviously wasn't interested, didn't she just end it? She said "That's it" a couple of times, but we'd go back to me waiting for her...why do you think this was? Do you think by this point she loved the control she had over me?