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Feeling kind of low today.


Carnatic

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I've recently moved out of a flat I had in a city and gone back in with my parents in my small hometown. It's just temporary though, my girlfriend who I lived with in the city is American and had to go home as her visa had ended and I'm just here saving money until I can go out there with her.

 

The process that is taking me over there is in full swing, moving out of my flat was the start and next week I have a visa interview, yet somehow, today I just feel trapped. Even though I know it's not true I just feel as though I'll never leave. I have the knowledge that I'm only here temporarily and at an advanced stage of preparing to leave, but the feeling as though I'm stuck here for the rest of my life.

 

It's been really getting me down today. I had a very restricted upbringing and was an (almost scarily) obedient and extremely depressed adolescent. Basically it wasn't till I left that I slowly realised I'm my own person, capable of independent thought and expression. I've grown so much since then and started doing more and more things that make me happy, since meeting my girlfriend I've grown even more and would say I'm almost free from the shackles of my upbringing.

 

So I guess that being here, in the place where I just sat down and did what I was told while I should have been discovering myself and making friends, is clearly a bit of a downer, I just don't get why today I have this feeling as though I'm stuck here forever.

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Take everything day by day,do not look at the whole big picture,that can be overwhelming. My husband had a really restricted and controlled upbringing. He was told what to think and how to think and how high to jump. Just remember your parents are not you,you do not have a hive mind and you are still an independent person.

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