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Tell Me Not, Sweet, I am Unkind

SuperDave71

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SuperDave71 Mentor

SuperDave71

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As you sit in your room, you mind starts to reflect on all the pleasantries of what once was the happiest time of your life. The looks from accross the room, the inside jokes that no one else understood or maybe even that impromptu dance in the rain. It’s amazing what you can remember after things deteriorate but you can’t seem to find the time or remember when you were together.

 

 

 

What happened to the late night phone calls? What happened to the all the little things that made them so desirable? Sorrow can fill your heart like a bucket of water being over flowed and your tears are just the thing to prove that the love of your life has just left. The turmoil a breakup leaves can be devastating but life goes on. We really don’t have a choice. No matter how much we desire a phone call, a letter, a text or any other form of communication what we secretly desire the most is reconciliation. We have all been there. We have put on that tough exterior in front of your friends and family. That wall around your heart knows they can tear it down in an instant because no matter how much you want to deny it, you would rather them tear it down than to walk away completely.

 

 

 

To live your life without the person that made you smile when you heard their name suddenly makes the world a cold and bitter place. To feel rejected or not worthy of love is something no one should ever go through but we all know that sadly it does. You tend to question yourself over and over about what you could have done differently. Without knowing, you start to blame yourself for the break because you feel you could have done something better or attributed something additional to the relationship.

 

 

 

Your heart becomes hard. You look at your life as over but not in the sense of death, but loneliness. The person you loved more than anything has walked away and into the void. Why don’t they understand that you love them? Aren’t all lovers supposed to be mind readers that can sense when your heart is hurting? Why did they leave? Are they coming back? Do they hurt just as much as I do? Thoughts of desperation begin to cross your mind in hopes of convincing your ex to understand you better. If you can only make them see how much you love them, they will of course want to stay.

 

 

 

Desperate cries typically fall on deaf ears. The tears may fall from your eyes, yet the feelings of love are replaced with pity. The love that was once shared by two is replaced with a hollow feeling of sorrow, pain and abandonment. You mind begins to wander and soon the night will be your enemy. Time begins to stand still and your mind will start to obstruct all reasonable thoughts of everyday life only to be occupied with “What if’s”.

 

 

 

For those hurting, love never fails. It never ends. It only switches roles. No matter how much we don’t want it to change, it can and it hurts if we choose not to accept it for what it is. The way I see it is I would rather go through the pain of honest love rather than stay with someone who is just doing enough to get by in the relationship. Who wants to be considered “good enough” or “they’ll do…for now”. I certainly wouldn’t want to feel that way.

 

 

 

Years ago, I was not desperate but I gave way too much credit to someone that never deserved it. What I was doing was giving the benefit of the doubt just because I felt it was better to have someone that nothing at all. I could not have been more wrong. I allowed myself to be abused over and over and I was taken advantage of I would assume over a hundred times. Where was the love I gave? Where was the return? I was waiting for things to get better but they never did. I would often hear the voice of reason kick in and ask “What are you doing here? Why are you allowing yourself to put up with such nonsense?” My response was always the same “Because I love her.”

 

 

 

I admit my faults. I had to put myself through hell and back but I learned from it. When you rely on someone to make you happy when you don’t know how to make yourself happy and they end up leaving you, what are you left with? Your happiness just walked right out the door and you are left with nothing but memories and emptiness that could only be described as heart wrenching. It took me a while to get me back but I had my doubts while in the relationship. I would often find myself unhappy while sitting in the same room listening to her complain about whatever it was she often complained about. I would often wish I was somewhere else but my feet and backbone were not man enough to say “I am not tolerating this anymore and I am going home. You can deal with your negative attitude alone.”

 

 

 

In retrospect, I am glad I went through what I did. It hurt so much that it forced me to become the man I am today. I am a confident, successful, and full of life and a loving person that found the courage to DO something about it. No one can do it for you. No one can make you feel a certain way UNLESS YOU LET THEM. You are in complete control of you regardless of how you might feel.

 

 

 

You are someone that was created to be happy. I don’t care if you are sulking alone in your bedroom as you read this but one day…you will smile again. It takes time to heal from any wound. To heal a broken heart means that you are forced to take a look at yourself which some many of us refuse to do. We put so much emphasis on someone else that we lost track along the way of whom we were in the beginning. Putting yourself back on track can be difficult at first but becomes easier once the dust settles. The more you focus on the past, the more you will STAY in the past.

 

 

 

You life was made to go forward. Indeed time never goes backward. Your life was made for you to look forward and to reflect on the past. Don’t blame yourself that has already occurred. You may not have wanted the break, but know in your heart that if they left you for whatever reason, it was the best right now. You may find down the road that it was best all around. Though you can’t see something in the beginning doesn’t mean it isn’t there. Keep moving forward and know that it’s coming. You never know, it may be walking towards you.

 

 

 

 

-SuperDave71

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Panzermensch Apprentice

Panzermensch

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At one point I would have cried from that.

 

Considering I´ve just spent some 20 hours in bed, dreaming about her, I´m glad I read this, though. No matter the fact that it sent me into a tailspin of hurt... again.

 

It addressed my feeling of always being the one who´s left with the emotional check, the residual taxes of any relationship. It addressed the fact that I am unable to function in a relationship.

 

It addressed the fact that my solitude is all that I can count on. Solitude alone. Not even myself I can count on, but solitude will always be there for me. A sweet, velvet place of safety.

 

We are not made to be happy. Not all of us. Some of us are destined to pivot between despair and bliss, never attaining either fully. Some of us are born to always see past our own false consciousness. Some of us are made only to die.

 

I hope I am the only one here, though.

 

h.

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nordland Rookie

nordland

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[When you rely on someone to make you happy when you don’t know how to make yourself happy and they end up leaving you, what are you left with? Your happiness just walked right out the door and you are left with nothing but memories and emptiness that could only be described as heart wrenching. ]

 

I think I do need to learn what me happy. How sad of me to let this happened to me.

 

I truly love your posts, your experiences/ trials and what you have learned really helped me and so many others. Thank you.

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abigheart Enthusiast

abigheart

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Thanks SuperDave. For some reason, I had a jolt last night that made me realize the very same things you discussed. While my ex never treated me in any bad way, he ultimately left. I have to stop putting him on a pedestal and know that the only person that can make me happy is...me!

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AutumnBorn Community Regular

AutumnBorn

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"Who wants to be considered “good enough” or “they’ll do…for now”. I certainly wouldn’t want to feel that way."

 

I felt that way, always insecure in my relationship with my ex, always unsafe. He made sure I felt that way. Realizing that someone could feel passion and deep desire for me was a key to letting go.

 

I have found a man who feels passion and deep desire for me. It's strange and curious to me to experience this. It is unfortunate, however, that I do not feel the same for him. Perhaps in time.

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