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Can You Please Objectively Evaluate These Emails Between Me & My Ex?


stevemc

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Hello everyone. I am not going to go into long drawn out details about my relationship here, I will just let you know where I am at with my ef-g/f. She decided to leave me on December 15th. After a couple weeks of me pleading and her not responding well to those pleas, I sent her a message not to contact me and that I will contact her when I am ready. After a month of NC, I met her for coffee a couple of days ago. Things were light and friendly initially, but then the convo turned to the relationship and it was clear that we both were still hurting about it. I wound up basically crying saying that I realized that "happiness is only real when you have someone to share it with." After that she said "after today there is no reason for us to ever speak again" and gave me back some of my books.

 

The next day I sent a "moving on" email to her, and told her there were some things I needed to clear the air about. When you read my email it may seem like I am blaming her for the breakup, but my intention was to actually get her to realize that it was her choice to leave the relationship. Example: she has really low self esteem, so she says "I am breaking up with him, because he doesn't want to be with me anyway. So even though I am breaking up with him, it is he the is really choosing to end things." Make sense? Coincidentally, in her response she revealed more to me about her insecurities that she did during our entire relationship, and in a way I have never felt closer to her on an emotional level than I do after we have broken up!

 

Anyway I won't go on much further, below I have copy and pasted both emails (they are kind of long). Basically what I would like you guys to tell me

is do you still think that I can get this girl to trust me one last time and to come back into my life? Does it seem like she has truly moved on and really no longer would like to be with me, even I changed? I am clinging to any hope I can get here...Please be objective, and most of all, honest. Thanks so much.

 

MY EMAIL TO HER:

 

Hey,

 

Thanks for meeting up with me yesterday, it was good to see you and catch up a little bit. When you told me yesterday that "after today you saw no reason for us ever to contact each other again," I had intense feelings, and had somewhat of a personal revelation within myself. I had noticed yesterday, and since our breakup in general that you have been harboring some resentment towards me, and in many ways you are recollecting our relationship differently than it actually took place; in a more negative light than it actually was.

 

I now understand that you are doing this as a defense mechanism in order to both justify when you ended our relationship, and to protect yourself from the hurt you are experiencing since our breakup. I just want you to remember that regardless of how you are currently choosing to view our relationship, it was one of mutual respect, love, and concern for one another while we were together. Three weeks before you broke up with me, you sent me an email saying "that if anything came between us you would die inside," and that "you would support me in anything I do" and "it is my love for you that binds you to my heart, you are my knight in shining armor." This was followed by the breakup email stating that "we have been noticing blatant changes within one another over the last few months," a statement that flies directly in the face of the prior email that you sent to me. Saying things like "we are pursuing different careers, and have different value systems," are once again justifications you have constructed in your mind to justify breaking up. You and I both know deep down that these issues were never mentioned once during our time together.

 

The truth is (her name), you decided to leave the relationship because I triggered fears of abandonment within you, plain and simple. I know that in my heart this breakup wasn't about you wanting to live college life single, or the fact that "we are in different places in our lives." How do I know? Because these issues were never mentioned once by either one of us during our relationship. You decided to dump me 4 days before the biggest exam of my college career, an exam which I subsequently failed and now am forced to do additional coursework in order to graduate. While this is hurtful to me, I still was willing to overlook them and work things out.

 

In summary the reason that I am writing this letter, is because I need to clear the air for myself before I move forward with my life completely. Just remember, know matter how you choose to reconstruct our relationship in your mind now, ultimately you were the person who chose to walk away. This was not what I wanted in anyway. I was willing to do whatever it took to prove to you that I love you more than anything in this world, but at the end of the day your fears of abandonment and feelings of unworthiness on a deep level caused you to "discard me, before I could get a chance to discard you." Once again, I need to remind you this fear was only something in your head, it was not based in tangible reality. In reality, I never would have abandoned or discarded you for as long as I lived.

 

So there it is, I have said my peace. I can look myself in the mirror knowing the truth, knowing that I did everything I could within my power to prove to you that I love you with all my heart. But I now realize, that I can try everything to prove it to you, but your fears of abandonment and feelings of insecurity will far outweigh any efforts I made, until the day when you are ultimately forced to work on them. Just remember, that regardless how you are choosing to view me now to protect yourself against the sense of loss you are feeling, that in reality I never was that way in our relationship; and deep inside you know it. Also know, that I never wanted to date "a more sophisticated woman, who could give me different things," as you put it. I always felt and told you how wonderful I think you are, and I never intentionally belittled you or said things to make you feel that you weren't good enough for me.

 

All of the things that I have mentioned I know that deep down inside you too know, but you are in self-preservation mode and choosing right now to block out good memories of our relationship in order to make this easier for you. Now Amara, I am forced to move on. I have tried everything within my power to get you to see how much I love you, but you have chosen to discard all of that and deep down inside cannot believe that I love you as much as I do.

 

I hope everything goes well in your life from this point forward, I really do. Everything I said above is the truth, and deep down inside you and I both know it. I wish you the best of luck on your journey.

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HER RESPONSE 4 HOURS LATER:

 

Stephen,

 

I have to tell you that your email was immobilizing, both emotionally and physically. I choked on air and felt this burst of anxiety that was so immense that I literally couldn’t move for a few minutes. After a year and a half, part of me is astounded that you would say that and the other part of me understands why you would express such feelings and appreciates your honesty.

 

I’m not replying to your email to contradict or to attempt to disprove the validity of your feelings, rather, I am trying to clarify a few things. I loved you so much. As much as I hate myself, I still loved you. You’re right; I do hate myself on that deep level. I do have plaguing fears of being abandoned. I’m flawed to the extent that my soul is practically impure. I’m not going to lie and say I have come to accept that, but I know that; I’m aware.

 

I’m aware, and have always been aware. Maybe my hopes clouded my ability to apply the awareness in my life.

 

I said I wasn’t mad and only mentioned the negative aspects because I didn’t want to end things between us on a resentful note.

 

You looked very nice yesterday. You looked put together and self assured. You carried yourself in a dignified fashion and spoke with authority. I was glad to see that you were happy.

 

I, honest to god, never thought the day would come that things would end between us. I had always assumed that if things were to end, it would be you to do the breaking up. Maybe that’s abandonment fears, but nonetheless, I loved you and would have done anything for you. I understand that you may not believe that and I would be lying if I said I didn’t care. I do care that you harbor such an opinion of me.

 

You swept me off of my feet. You were so intriguing and carried yourself with such allure. You were tall, dark eyed, handsome, mysterious, and so much more. You were everything that I had always wanted. You spoke with such sincerity and were so enthusiastic about life. I fell so hard for you. Above all of that, though, you brought out such good qualities in me. You made me strive for more than I had, and by listening to you, I realized that several of my dreams and my goals were tangible.

 

You and I are so different. You are so light; nothing can hold you down, and when it does, it’s a heavy-weighted burden. I, on the other hand, am a weight, and the amount couldn’t keep up with your lightness.

 

I would have done anything for you. If you added the tentative amount of those “anything’s” it wouldn’t amount to how much you meant to me. Even until the day of our break up, you were everything to me. You were my knight in shining armor. I loved you immeasurably. I remember. I think about how I was your angel and all of the good times. I recall last Valentine’s Day, when we had seen Rent together. I remember the first time you told me that you loved me.

 

I remember everything. What sticks out the most, though, is how things had changed. When we had first started seeing each other, your phone was always on and you were available, both physically and emotionally. One day, you told me to call you and wake you up in the morning and your phone was on silent, with the alarm mode. After that day, it never went back on. Maybe I should have said something then, but I didn’t want to start petty arguments. I wasn’t the type of person who likes dramatic falling-outs. I still try to avoid that drama, but somehow, it inevitably finds me. I tried so hard to make things work.

 

As time passed, things changed. Time passes, things change. Things always change. Put yourself in my place: I try to call you, but you don’t answer. I wait for a while, and then I text you, still no response. There was no response unless it was convenient for you. I can’t always wait until your convenience, and for a while, I could and I did.

 

It stabbed my heart and provoked immense anxiety each time I hinted that I wanted to see you and you didn’t see through that attempt. You never wanted to make plans and you never made a sincere effort to make me a priority.

 

I can’t go my whole life being “like a savings account.” It’s not fair that your words should be enough. I would have moved mountains for you. I tried so hard to become a priority. I tried everything so that you might develop the desire to see me more and to make me a greater priority on your own.

 

All of my attempts led up to one thing: I was accepting behaviors from you that I wouldn’t accept from myself. I couldn’t put someone else on hold, or make someone else put his or her life on hold and not take responsibility. Each time I tried to bring something up, I felt shot down and belittled. After a while, I couldn’t talk to you because you “knew best.”

 

Still, the feelings I had for you prevailed. I loved you and wanted to make things work. But after a while, “your terms” were limiting my terms. I needed some form of commitment, and although you spoke words, your actions didn’t match up.

 

Say whatever you want, but telling someone she means the world to you and showing her are two different things.

 

I can’t even find words to describe all of the hurt that I had felt. Even if I don’t like myself, I still cared for you; I still made scarifies and compromises for you. More than that, I experienced an insurmountable loyalty and love for you. We shared so many good times, so many close, intimate, passionate moments.

 

You didn’t have time for a relationship. That’s it.

 

You didn’t have time for a relationship, and you weren’t direct about it. I always talk about accountability. You couldn’t even admit that. There was always some reason behind things. How things appear and how they are usually contradicting one another. Intent doesn’t speak. I’m practical, but I’m not stupid. I understand that lateness will happen or that you won’t always pick up your phone. There’s a way to go about doing things, and I guess that’s what we disagreed upon. In the end, I couldn’t accept those things anymore. I loved you, but I felt so much pain. I was in this hopeless mind frame, experiencing so much anxiety that I lost perspective.

 

If you must, resent me. Maybe I resent you. I resent myself, too, so we’re together on that. I was defensive yesterday because our relationship is over, Stephen. It had been over before one of us officially called it off. The tension had been building and we both weren’t compatible in finding ways to make it work.

 

It tore me apart inside to end things between us. I waited my whole life for someone like you. I’m not disillusioned; I know things and people can’t be perfect. I was compromising parts of myself to keep you. I was becoming someone that I didn’t want to be anymore.

 

People change, but people remember.

 

I remember the chemistry between us. I remember the lightning. I remember sneaking out of my house to see you. I remember how fireworks went off in my mind every time we kissed. I remember that you were the person I waited my whole life for.

 

Actions speak louder than words.

 

Your actions and your words spoke different volumes.

 

I understand that I didn’t bring things to light, but each time I did, the same thing happened.

 

In the end, memory is subjective and based upon feelings.

 

Here are some more of my feelings: I can’t feel ashamed of my circumstances. I can’t always be on edge and anxious to contact you because I didn’t know when you would get back to me. I can’t always be put off and then be expected to understand. I understood for a while, but I couldn’t keep going.

 

You took me for granted. I provoked arguments. Things were said and things were done. In the end, we needed different things. I need different things. It’s not a matter of experiencing new things in college. I wasn’t happy that I waited for you, to be ready, to answer, to do something, to be there, more than you were actually available. I waited for too long.

 

Maybe I wasn’t as expressive, but you weren’t as available.

 

Like I said, actions speak louder than words, and intention becomes muted after a while.

 

I didn’t want to break up with you. I wanted to love you. I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore.

 

So it amounts to this: my worst fears may or may not come true, I hate myself, but I tried and I loved you. Things change, but things are remembered. Good luck.

 

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So there it is everybody, if you have read all of that thank you very much I know it was long as hell. It looks to me like she has drawn the final line in the sand, and is officially letting me know that it is not repairable at this point. Is there anything I can do here to rectify this relationship?

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How much more clearly could she state it for you?

 

According to her, you are arrogant, controlling, self-absorbed, unavailable, and you don't listen to her. After reading her email to you, I'm inclined to agree with her since you think you can rectify this relationship still, after everything she just said.

 

You are correct that this is the final line in the sand. Let it go, move on.

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As time passed, things changed. Time passes, things change. Things always change. Put yourself in my place: I try to call you, but you don’t answer. I wait for a while, and then I text you, still no response. There was no response unless it was convenient for you. I can’t always wait until your convenience, and for a while, I could and I did.

 

what she said here resonates with me because i have been in that situation in relationships - where the guy stops making the effort to be with me, doesn't return calls, doesn't pick up, doesn't make plans to see me on a date, etc.... and at that point, it's just time to move on. don't you see where she is coming from? she feels you don't care, and now you only care because you are losing her. but it sounds like she was neglected in this relationship for a long time. i don't know if you can get her back. there is no point in continuing in a relationship if the guy doesn't care anymore.

 

does she have a point? did you dodge her calls? how often would you take her on a date?

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"I didn’t want to break up with you. I wanted to love you. I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore."

 

I still can't figure out why she broke up with you, her reasoning was something that imo could have been discussed and worked on while still in the relationship? Sounds like you can fix it to me if you really wanted to.

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"I didn’t want to break up with you. I wanted to love you. I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore."

 

I still can't figure out why she broke up with you, her reasoning was something that imo could have been discussed and worked on while still in the relationship? Sounds like you can fix it to me if you really wanted to.

 

as a woman who has been in her shoes, i can tell you that it hurts to be in a "relationship" with a man who is ignoring you. even in you love him, it hurts even more to be with someone who is dodging your calls, etc..... in the end, you don't want to be with them, not because you don't love them, but it's obvious they don't love you.

 

PS - the ex tried to get back with me 3 years later, but it was just too late.

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Lets see. You send her an email telling her what her bad points are, and why she is at fault for the break up, while having the nerve to suggest that you love her. She then responds with a very heartfelt email that basically tells you have much she loved you, but that she felt uncared for and that her efforts were taken for granted.

 

Steve, if you really want an honest and harsh opinion, then I'd say that maybe you should stop being arrogant and telling her why the break up was all her fault, and maybe be prepared to eat humble pie and understand what she is saying. Problems can't be fixed if people aren't occasionally willing to accept that they are at fault and it's so clear from her email that she feels neglected.

 

Do you deny the allegations of neglect?

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"I didn’t want to break up with you. I wanted to love you. I just didn’t want to feel the way I was feeling anymore."

 

I still can't figure out why she broke up with you, her reasoning was something that imo could have been discussed and worked on while still in the relationship? Sounds like you can fix it to me if you really wanted to.

 

Assuming, of course, that she could get hold of him to discuss it!!

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stevemc,

 

Put aside the idea of reconciliation for a moment, and consider this a time for introspect and reflection. In a sense, her email to you is a gift. She has given you a clear and concise detail of how she feels and why things are where they are now. There's nothing to disagree with there, it's how she feels. You have a blueprint for considering what things to work on for yourself, should you wish to improve your role in a relationship in the future... be it with her or someone new.

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hmmm....... I think it seems you are right about the fear of abandonment thing on her part, she is right about the actions speak louder than words on your part. If you want her back I would suggest flowers, a poem or lovely letter about what you love about her. She needs attention. period. She made it clear that she wasn't getting enough of what she needed emotionally from you. Her actions by breaking up with you spoke for themselves. A part of that "could" have been her fear of abandonment but I don't think that could be the sole reason for the break up, she had to have something behind it. If you really feel like shes the one for you, don't give up...just say only positive, nice things. The past shouldn't matter...only the present and the need to be with one another. If she after a few months is still not responding...that would be the time I would probably give up. If she's not willing to work with you on what sounds like fixable things....then it will start to get not worth your time anymore.

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Thank you everyone for your responses, although I found some of them to be quite harsh.

 

The truth is, yes I was neglectful in many ways in the relationship. Prior to my last email, I had admitted this neglect to her in a different email, and on the night she told me she wanted to end things. And yes, I am aware that my last email to her comes accross as blaming and arrogant.

 

I would just like to make a quick point though in my defense. Hypothetically, if a guy and girl were dating, and the girl texted him 3 times during one day, and on the third text it took the guy 20 minutes to respond, would you consider that neglect? Because I personally don't, but my ex-g/f does. Or how about this scenario: she calls me up and we talk on the phone while I am driving, (illegal in my state). She tells me she doesn't want me to talk to her while I drive, and to call her when I get home. So the nexttime she calls and I am driving, I wait until I get home to call her back (20 minutes later). She becomes disappointed that I was ignoring her calls. And that situation is real, I explained to dilemma there to her, but she would still feel neglected when I did that. Is that really being neglectful?

 

In terms of someone mentioning that "if I call a guy and he doesn't respond, why should I stay with him?" The truth is my ex and I talked every single day for the entire 18 months we dated.

 

I don't want to make anymore excuses for myself though; truthfully, I did not put enough effort into nurturing our relationship in terms of going out of my way to see her, doing out of the ordinary nice things for her, etc.

 

I just think I need you guys to know, despite the email exchange, there are certain dynamics in our relationship that cannot be explained fully on a chat room forum ya know?

 

I believe I myself have intimacy issues, and while it is in no way an excuse at this point, I really believe my ex and I can make it work if she is willing to let me prove it to her slowly.

 

I just don't know guys....Yes you all are completely 100% correct, I didn't put enough effort in. I was self-centered in pursuing my own goals and justified it by saying "yeah I am not seeing you, but its not like I am out partying with my friends, I am studying for an exam." Still not good enough of an excuse, this I realize.

 

I just wish she would give me one more chance.

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Thank you for the encouragement. So you think I shouldn't try to see her face to face anymore? And just every once in a while do what you recommend as gestures that show I still care? Most relationship types say you should want your ex to believe you are having the time of your life without them in order to get them to come back, but I also think that is a very bad idea in my situation if I want her to think about coming back.

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my other thought is that maybe she's a bit too "needy" for a guy like you. i understand not wanting to talk on the phone while you are driving. i frequently turn my phone off for a day, just because i don't feel like talking to anyone. i get those moods, for sure.

 

but even if you guys did get back together, would you be willing to put the effort to make her feel special and feel connected?

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my other thought is that maybe she's a bit too "needy" for a guy like you. i understand not wanting to talk on the phone while you are driving. i frequently turn my phone off for a day, just because i don't feel like talking to anyone. i get those moods, for sure.

 

but even if you guys did get back together, would you be willing to put the effort to make her feel special and feel connected?

 

This is what I am thinking. Maybe she didn't have enough to keep her occupied in her own life, and because you did and there were things you needed to get done, she saw that as you neglecting her.

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If studying for an exam is not a good enough reason why you can't see your gf, then I don't know what is.

 

Shoefairy, I agree. But in her defense, there were a few other times where I could have made effort to see her, and I didn't. I think if I was making the effort in those other situations, canceling on her during exam time wouldn't have been taken so badly.

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This is what I am thinking. Maybe she didn't have enough to keep her occupied in her own life, and because you did and there were things you needed to get done, she saw that as you neglecting her.

 

 

Yeah, she has mentioned that she "abandoned herself" during our relationship. And the more she focused on me, the more her social interests faded and I became a larger and larger focus of her life.

 

Truthfully, I never was the possessive type with her though. I never expected her to wait around for me when I was unavailable, that is why it upsets me to know that she needs to break away from me completely in order to live a well balanced life. It just doesn't make sense.

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Sorry if mine was a response you deemed harsh. I light of your last post, it now just seems like the two of you are very incompatible. You both seem to have a slight control complex, and you both seem to be on different emotional wavelengths(logic vs feelings). I would suggest taking what she said were problems and work on not doing it again..with someone else.

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Shoefairy, I agree. But in her defense, there were a few other times where I could have made effort to see her, and I didn't. I think if I was making the effort in those other situations, canceling on her during exam time wouldn't have been taken so badly.

 

But the thing is sometimes you just need time to do other things. Were you ever able to spend time with your friend or even have a quiet night in on your own?

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Thank you everyone for your responses, although I found some of them to be quite harsh.
Well, you did ask for an objective opinion!

 

 

 

I would just like to make a quick point though in my defense. Hypothetically, if a guy and girl were dating, and the girl texted him 3 times during one day, and on the third text it took the guy 20 minutes to respond, would you consider that neglect? Because I personally don't, but my ex-g/f does. Or how about this scenario: she calls me up and we talk on the phone while I am driving, (illegal in my state). She tells me she doesn't want me to talk to her while I drive, and to call her when I get home. So the nexttime she calls and I am driving, I wait until I get home to call her back (20 minutes later). She becomes disappointed that I was ignoring her calls. And that situation is real, I explained to dilemma there to her, but she would still feel neglected when I did that. Is that really being neglectful?
Well the incidents you mention don't seem too extreme. But she's talking about something that would happen repeatedly. Surely you weren't driving the whole time?

 

I don't know, maybe I am coming at it from a different perspective, but when I was with my ex I couldn't wait to call or text her when she got in contact with me. Granted, when I was at work sometimes I couldn't respond straight away, but that wasn't all the time. I get the impression that your ex felt that you were regularly avoiding her. Well, only you know how many delayed response there were.

 

In terms of someone mentioning that "if I call a guy and he doesn't respond, why should I stay with him?" The truth is my ex and I talked every single day for the entire 18 months we dated.
Well, so did I. But sometimes it was five calls, sometimes it was 30 emails. Sometimes it was one text. It varied. But it was never an effort. Who instigated the daily chats? Did they become a chore for you? Something you felt was more a duty than a pleasure?

 

I don't want to make anymore excuses for myself though; truthfully, I did not put enough effort into nurturing our relationship in terms of going out of my way to see her, doing out of the ordinary nice things for her, etc.
I often find that people are ready to admit they have faults, but often struggle to then say what they are. In what ways do you think you didn't put enough effort in?

 

I just think I need you guys to know, despite the email exchange, there are certain dynamics in our relationship that cannot be explained fully on a chat room forum ya know?
No. What can't be discussed here that is so complex?

 

I believe I myself have intimacy issues, and while it is in no way an excuse at this point, I really believe my ex and I can make it work if she is willing to let me prove it to her slowly.
Maybe you don't have the feelings for her that you think you do. Why do you think you have intimacy issues? Is it a problem you have always had in relationships?

 

I just don't know guys....Yes you all are completely 100% correct, I didn't put enough effort in. I was self-centered in pursuing my own goals and justified it by saying "yeah I am not seeing you, but its not like I am out partying with my friends, I am studying for an exam." Still not good enough of an excuse, this I realize.

 

Before throwing a strop feeling that everyone is going against you, you need to remember that relationships are complex and hard work. If you had to concentrate on your exam then you should have sat your ex down and said clearly that you might be a bit distant for a few weeks while you study. Nobody reasonable would begrudge you that. Did you try that? When you have a relationship there is a whole lot more ball juggling to be done than as a singleton.

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ElChup,

 

You are spot on with many of your statements. The bottomline is, I did not nurture my relationship with her enough. That is it in a summary. I do feel however, that the email she just sent me is not "closed off" email like the one she sent me before this. I believe in my heart that she loves me and is leaving the door open to respond to that email she sent. I can just feel it.

 

I agree with all of the members here who remind me that relationships are much more work than I was willing to put in. With that being said, how do I approach this situation now to sow the seeds of reconciliation?

 

Should I respond to her email, and validate that her feelings are warranted, and that I would feel the same way in her shoes? Do I back away completely now? Should I call her every few weeks and ask to meet up for lunch and try to very slowly prove to her that I truly do care?

 

I am not trying to force myself back into her life. And I completely agree that I did not put enough effort into her. 100% agree. But I just need to know, if this thing can be reconciled what I need to do to start the process...

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Before I say anything: how much truth is there to her analysis of YOUR behavior?

 

penelope, there is a large amount of truth, but at the same time there is a certain amount of her feelings I believe aren't reasonable from my perspective. On page 1 you can see I mentioned her feeling neglected if it took me 30 minutes to respond to a text, even though we texted each other twice already that day.

 

But yes, I was at fault in terms of not making more effort to see her as much as I should have, and other things to show that I care.

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^In the meantime you have started giving more details:

 

 

When reading something like this (the 2 emails) I am always cautious to say one or the other is right, because without having witnessed anything it is very difficult to say how truthful either one is (even when you are both trying to be truthful, sometimes it is difficult to see things objectively when you are part of the situation).

 

However this is my feeling about it: regardless of if you have neglected her or if you were busy with studies or couldn't pick up the phone fast enough for her, the only thing that really counts in this instance is her feelings.

 

Maybe she has abandonment issues and an unrealistic expectation what enough attention means, nevertheless the pain that she feels about this seems extremely sincere and deep. Unless she is willing to find out (for herself) why she is feeling so deeply about it and if there is anything that she could change about how her emotions react to certain situations, you cannot do anything. She is the only one who can do that.

 

At the moment the pain that she experiences seems very real and overwhelming thus that she might not be capable to look at things from a different perspective.

 

As sad as it might be for you, all you can do is give her space to find emotional balance. Only then will she be able (if she is still willing to do so at that time) to look at your relationship and see if it could be repaired or not.

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stevemc,

 

There's no magic formula for making reconciliation happen. It's a complicated process that takes considerable time and a lot of work. Forcing things to a 'back together' status too soon won't work. The status isn't enough, especially if the core issues are unresolved.

 

Do yourself a favor and read this thread:

 

 

 

Not being negative, but realistic to the fact that there's no quick fix...

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