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Lucy1982

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NC isn't making him miss me. LC isn't making him miss me.

 

Three months on from him asking for 'space to think' there are no signs of him coming back. Over the festive period there was LC then followed by one month of NC then I sent him a message and saw him, now we're back to NC after he replied to an email and signed off "stay in touch".

 

I heard from his mum that he's out with his mates tonight celebrating his birthday and it just seems to me that he's not even thought about us or what he's walking away from.

 

As far as I'm concerned it's still just 'space to think' as he's not told me or anyone else otherwise and his mum even asked him outright and he gave her no definitive answer so what is going on?!

 

If I continue with NC will he just forget about me and think that I'm ok with this or will he start to miss me and really think about what he's walking away from?

 

I am using NC to heal myself and although I write these posts I am coping and not using NC as a tool to win him back but everyone said to me who knew him drop out of his life completely and he'll realise and come back but when I do that he doesn't seem to care.

 

He said it was just 'space'... Do men really forget and just move on without saying the words "it's over" to anyone? Do they really forget a relationship of over 3 years?

 

He said he saw a future with me, loved and missed me when I wasn't around just days before he asked for this space and now here I am three months on with a simple "stay in touch" from him... how can he just switch off? Has anyone had a boyfriend come back after a situation like this?

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It sounds like it is time to stop thinking about him. Do you think he is aware of how much you think about him? As long as he knows that you are waiting, the longer he can 'need space'.

 

And this is the part that sucks to think about, but he might not come back. Definitely not on your timetable. The less you think about him, and the more you think about you the better this will be.

 

Hang in there.

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Thanks HopefulDrew. I do understand that and I am trying my very best and am getting on with my life as best I can but one of the reasons for the post was to find out if any guys have had a similar experience and if they or their partner did return?

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Lucy,

 

There is a danger if someone tells you that there guy did return after saying such things. You could use that as proof that your guy could return. And that will make it tougher to move on. I've spent two months telling myself that my short relationship is salvageable despite not having one positive indicator. Where has that left me? Struggling to move forward.

 

While I'm not expert I'm pretty sure that there are at least two things needed for a successful reconciliation: (1) Your ex needs to come back of their own volition, (2) The new relationship cannot be a continuation of the one that failed. You can't make (1) happen. And for (2) to really happen, you need to let go of what you had. That means no hopes or expectations of him.

 

I can understand that you don't want to let go completely. But he hasn't given you anything good to hold onto right now. You are hoping that his lack of closure means the door is open in some way. To be fair to yourself, just assume that it is closed. If he tries to come back one day, he will have to apologize to you for not being able to give you anything concrete. You deserve to be treated better than you have.

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3 months!????? hun, even if it were just one month of NC, i would take it that its over. If you have gone 3 months, than i would start moving on. He is living his life and havin his fun while your sitting there wondering. Do whats best for you! When your out havin fun and keeping busy and keeping your mind off of him is when he would most likely come around. Its messed up but its how it works!

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Alright, well I recently reconciled with my ex of 4 years after a 4 month break. So it can happen. We were NC for around 3 months.

 

Think about it. Do you just forget about your ex? Seriously. Think back if you ever dumped somebody. Did you just up and forget about them? No. You don't. No, he won't.

 

Feelings don't just disappear overnight, so there is no switch.

 

Your best bet is to not count on him turning around and try to move forward. Do not focus on him but focus on you.

 

If he comes back, great. If not, at least you are moving in the right direction.

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Trust me even if he came back right now you couldn't just take him back right away that would make it worse (as in my situation). It's better that he actually has this space for as long as possible before coming back (without contacting him) so that when he does, he will be serious about it. If you drop out of contact without responding to his advances then that would be bad...so keep leaving the contact up to him from now on, be nice (and busy) and he will have it in his head that there might be a chance with you because you still seem to care, but he's obviously screwed up royally. At that point he will either try to come back or not, right?

 

Obviously my ex isn't serious about it right now and still 'needs his space' so it isn't any better! I'd rather be in that stage where I'm just trying to stop thinking about him and getting over it rather than wondering what is going to happen next...is he going to continue stringing me along or is it going somewhere? Is it ending? How do I act? It's too frustrating. I would rather him working for it and vying for my attention. Don't let this happen to you! Don't expect him to come back, I basically accepted that too, but if he does he needs to really make it up to you...and try your best to make him work.

 

And hey, mine was back shortly after the 3 month mark once I left him alone for a while so I'd say 3-5 months is a good amount of time for 'space'. Who knows, everyone is different and it depends on his needs and what he's going through right now. Time will tell...

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Oh yeah, he is DEFINITELY thinking about you...

 

Who knows he could be struggling to get to sleep at night, or faking a smile when he's with friends because something reminded him of you, or thinking of contacting you but having no idea what he would say...

 

My guess he's probably still confused and thinks about you, even if he tries not to.

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Not that it makes a huge amount of difference but I've just realised it has only been 2 months and a couple of days... obviously it doesn't change anything and it's still a considerable amount of time for us not to have been in touch but in I can help but feel it is still only early days. I just miss him SO much and wish he'd just turn up on my doorstep and say he's ready to come back and stop with the 'space'. I can't imagine it after all this time but I still have the faith in what we had together...

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Hi Lucy,

 

This will just keep going on and on if you don't try and forget about it. He is over it, and you need to try to be.

 

Sorry if that's too blunt But it's something that you need to do. He is done, and you are not doing yourself any favors by continuing the way you are now.

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I want to send him an email... I've got nothing to lose surely... if he's not been in touch then he's clearly not going to be so what is the harm in sending him an email? I have composed it, it's not dramatic, demanding answers or even emotional it's just very to the point and says all I want to say. I honestly think it IS GIGS behind this... he's not even given me or his mum a definitive answer if it's over or not so why is he behaving like this?!

 

I don't know if I should send the email or not... I'm losing all hope because the situation seems so hopeless. From everything to suddenly nothing, now I'm just into the third month since he asked for his space... where's my explanation? He said it was space apart to think about things... surely he knows what he wants now...

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Don't send it to him!

 

If you want to talk to him, call him. Keep it light and keep it friendly. Maybe you'll get an opening to talk about the two of you. But if you force anything you'll just push him away.

 

If you are getting frustrated with him and want to move forward, well you don't need to talk to him to do that. Just go.

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Don't send it to him!

 

If you want to talk to him, call him. Keep it light and keep it friendly. Maybe you'll get an opening to talk about the two of you. But if you force anything you'll just push him away.

 

If you are getting frustrated with him and want to move forward, well you don't need to talk to him to do that. Just go.

 

I'm not sending it, I've had some great advice and also felt that if I was hesitant about sending it then I shouldn't send it to him. Who knows what will happen, only time will tell. I think I'm going to try and make plans for all weekends I can and just keep REALLY REALLY busy, he seems to be doing that so I should follow suit, I just wish in time he will come back - it all happened so fast that I can't imagine how this can possibly just be over for good. I'm going to go back to expecting the worst but hoping for the best, there is nothing else I can do. I just wish he'd be man enough to be straight with me and give me some idea of how he's feeling because this lack of communication from him after a simple "I need space to think" seems so unfair.

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I think you're doing the right thing Lucy, knowing a bit more of the back story

 

Thanks Diagonal, your advice has really helped. I have just had voicemail from his best friend saying he's going to call me later... I think it's probably about something totally unrelated but it's contact from his 'camp' - makes me nervous though especially as I worry about what he knows as he's the one who would 100% know how my 'boyfriend' is feeling right now.

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