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Guy I am dating is screwing with head :-(


kolfan

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Hi

I've been seeing this guy for over a month. However,we've only been on an actual date once, after he cancelled subsequent dates due to various excuses including sickness, lack of transport and then, um fear. At this point I think I can't be doing with it anymore, he's not interested. But he comes back to me and tells me he is interested but just afraid of getting hurt, he misses me, can't wait to see me, blah blah.

 

Anyway, to cut a long story short, he's working overseas just now. The last two times we spoke on the phone, he has been aggressive to me, and often blames me for things I haven't even said wrong (in my opinion). I asked him if he was going to take an extra vacation after his contract had expired abroad (because he had said he may do this) and he said "no, I have to come home, don't I? in an aggressive tone. OK, I responded in a cute/flirty way "aww ,are you coming home early for me?". He totally flies off the handle and says "NO, I am not coming home for you, why do you always ask me when I'm coming?" totally missing the point. That really hurt my feelings, and am sure most other men would not say that to their girlfriends.

 

Anyway, my dad's not well, and we were supposed to get his test results yesterday. He knows this, and he was telling me to stay positive as though he had some speech prepared, and behaved like he was really concerned. He said "hopefully you'll have some good news for me tomorrow" and I responded with "it won't be good news". Again, he flies off the handle and tells me he can't have that conversation right now as he is working, and he had told me he'd speak to me in more depth the next day. He said I go "on and on" and " I told you I can't talk it about it until tomorrow and I have to hang up but you just go on and on" (this in reply to my statement: it won't be good news"). Anyway, our call ends rather perfunctorily after me telling him that he is aggressive toward me, but he still makes it out to be my fault and doesn't sound remotely apologetic.

 

I still phoned him yesterday to let him know about my father's test results, like he asked. I did, but he never answered his phone after several attempts to ring him. I also texted. No answer.

 

Why do some men do this? Why can't he just say to me: "look, I don't want to go out with you anymore" instead of this avoidance? I hate it, and I don't feel I can trust any man ever again.

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Hi

Why do some men do this? Why can't he just say to me: "look, I don't want to go out with you anymore" instead of this avoidance? I hate it, and I don't feel I can trust any man ever again.

You've only been seeing this guy for a month, but it has been long enough for you to see he isn't relationship material. You don't really need to know why - just move on. With all the anxiety about your father, this is the last thing you need right now.

 

I'm more concerned that the bad experience of a month trying to date a jerk would be enough to destroy your trust in any man, though. Sure, there are some real jerks and players out there, but there are wonderful guys as well. Would you say that you actually trusted this man? If so, perhaps in future it would be better to hang back a bit and let yourself find out what the other person's like before investing emotionally in a relationship. This guy showed you he was unreliable at a very early stage - you didn't have to take him back.

 

Perhaps you could amend the statement to say that you don't feel you could trust any man who messes you about, blows hot and cold and damages your self esteem. I wouldn't either. Trust is something that builds up over time, as you get to know the other person better, realise that they are reliable and emotionally present and appropriate to share with. If not, don't trust.

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Perhaps you could amend the statement to say that you don't feel you could trust any man who messes you about, blows hot and cold and damages your self esteem. I wouldn't either. Trust is something that builds up over time, as you get to know the other person better, realise that they are reliable and emotionally present and appropriate to share with. If not, don't trust.

 

This is really sound advice.

 

OP, this guy is not being considerate AT ALL. You have a lot on your mind at the moment and need to be with people who are understanding and supportive, like friends and family.

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I think I feel a little bit bruised, in the last couple of months I have had some not so good experiences with men. I hate not even knowing if this guy is dumping me or not. I want to be able to contact him to tell him no more chances, but I am not getting that opportunity.

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I want to be able to contact him to tell him no more chances, but I am not getting that opportunity.

I can understand why you want to reject him actively, but this is still buying into a game which is already 'screwing with your head'. You'd be much better off showing him by your ACTIONS that there will be no more chances, and have nothing whatsoever to do with him.

 

Leave him behind and move on. While you are full of angry feelings and resentment towards him, you're still stuck there - and you owe it to yourself not to be!

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I think I feel a little bit bruised, in the last couple of months I have had some not so good experiences with men. I hate not even knowing if this guy is dumping me or not. I want to be able to contact him to tell him no more chances, but I am not getting that opportunity.

 

Actions speak much louder than words, the way he treats you shoutld tell you exactly how he feels about you. I also understand the need for your bruised ego to be the one to tell him its over, however you can show him by never contacting him or responding to any form of cmmunication from him.

 

I know we often want closure when the facts are starring at our faces. Letting go is not easy, however not only will you be proud of yourself in the end, but your self esteem will sky rocket. Be strong and walk away.

 

All the best!

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Hi

I've been seeing this guy for over a month. However,we've only been on an actual date once, after he cancelled subsequent dates due to various excuses including sickness, lack of transport and then, um fear..

The cancellation of so many dates was your clue to walk away. Walk now...

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Hi

I've been seeing this guy for over a month. However,we've only been on an actual date once, after he cancelled subsequent dates due to various excuses including sickness, lack of transport and then, um fear..

The cancellation of so many dates was your clue to walk away. Walk now...

 

I really can pick 'em. The first time it was genuine sickness, the next time was heavy snow, and the other time was a job interview! I was willing to give him a chance then, but this time it is too late. I have more to lose than gain from this.

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I really can pick 'em. The first time it was genuine sickness, the next time was heavy snow, and the other time was a job interview! I was willing to give him a chance then, but this time it is too late. I have more to lose than gain from this.

 

If you want to keep meeting people to date/explore a potential relationship with then blaming any of this behavior on gender is a bad idea in my opinion - it will make you jaded/bitter for no reason.

 

His excuses, if true, sound valid but his behavior to you sounds jerky, especially this early on, as Cimmie mentioned, so I would move on.

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I know.. It's just, I just don't have the capability of ignoring somebody like that.. my conscience would take over (especially if my special friend's dad was really ill) and I'd have to let them know sooner or later about my thoughts/intentions. I attribute that to being a woman, but maybe gender has nothing to do with it.

 

To ignore is to emotionally abuse.

 

 

If you want to keep meeting people to date/explore a potential relationship with then blaming any of this behavior on gender is a bad idea in my opinion - it will make you jaded/bitter for no reason.

 

His excuses, if true, sound valid but his behavior to you sounds jerky, especially this early on, as Cimmie mentioned, so I would move on.

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I know.. It's just, I just don't have the capability of ignoring somebody like that.. my conscience would take over (especially if my special friend's dad was really ill) and I'd have to let them know sooner or later about my thoughts/intentions. I attribute that to being a woman, but maybe gender has nothing to do with it.

 

To ignore is to emotionally abuse.

 

Well, no I did not say to ignore - I said not to date him anymore - of course you can send him an email or call and express your concern and lend your support.

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I really can pick 'em. The first time it was genuine sickness, the next time was heavy snow, and the other time was a job interview! I was willing to give him a chance then, but this time it is too late. I have more to lose than gain from this.

 

If I were you, I would take your own advice and walk away. You don't want a guy who flies off the handle like that. Don't question your picks; just walk away.

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