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Frozen in place

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...that's what I feel like. I'm 2 years out of a 16 year marriage, getting a divorce. Finding a date around here at my age (48) is so discouraging that there seems to be no reason to even bother to try. Right now, I'm working 2nd shift and going to school, getting ready to start on a second BS degree in computer science. If I can't be happy, then I'm determined to earn a good living.


I've had 3 dates in the past 2 years. Both women live hundreds of miles away from me, and I don't have the resources to maintain a long-distance relationship of any kind. I feel like I live in a dating dead zone...there is nobody my age around here that is (a) available or (b) interested. So it seems I'm pretty much SOL.


I try to concentrate on being a nice person and keeping my energy positive, even though it's tough sometimes. I keep busy and surround myself with friends, and try to do things I enjoy.


I say I don't believe in love any more. That's not completely true. I just say that to put up a brave front because I don't believe that could ever happen for me.


My life: ](*,)


Sorry about this....just wanted to vent.



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I've tried dating sites...kind of limited to the free ones due to the budget (ha, ha....what budget...got to have money to have a budget.) Dating sites have tended just point out that I'm living in the wrong place to meet anybody.


I figure it's just going to take a while. Problem is, the longer it takes, the less motivation I have to try to find anybody. I figure that all the women my age are either 'taken' or not interested...and if someone is nice to me, I never presume that they would be interested in me. That's part of what makes me feel so stupid...there could be someone who is waiting for me to ask her out, and I dismiss it.


I'm also not willing to settle for anybody. I want someone that I can love, and that will love me in return. Yeah, I know. Good luck with that, right?


I do love someone...I have loved her for years. Because I figured I could never have her, I gave up on her...married twice, divorced twice. Then a year ago, I looked her up and we went out twice. She's been married twice/divorced twice herself. I think she knows how I feel; the one time I got my courage up to tell her, she stopped me, saying she wasn't interested in a relationship with anybody until her younger daughter finished high school (which will be in 4-5 years). I go through times that I just try to forget all about her, but I hear from her on a monthly basis, usually when she texts me. She's even asked me if I plan on moving back to Indiana (where we are both from). I can't yet. Both of my children are down here in Georgia (one is 24, the other 15).


Do I really love her? I guess, if love means the feeling is so strong that it lasts nearly 30 years, despite being separated by hundreds of miles. Sometimes I wish I could somehow just cut it out of my heart/head, just forget all about her. It's caused me nothing but heartache. The worst part is that I have not a clue about how she feels about me. I've always been pretty good about reading other people, but this woman is a closed book to me. I can't read her at all. If I can't have her, I do wish that I could just forget about her so I can move on...but she won't let me forget her. Every 30 days, there will be a text from her.


I almost wish that I didn't feel anything, that I could just shut my emotions off.


Thanks for the reply.

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