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Happy Birthday! :(


em_ski

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I just wish I could turn back time and make everything magically better. We broke up after 3 years together, but we still loved each other. It just wasn't right and it probably never could be. We determined that this is for the best and we needed to pursue different paths. Why do I miss you like half of me is missing? Why can't I just gracefully say good bye? I want to be with you tonight and wish you a wonderful 2010, wish you all the happiness in the world, smile with you, laugh with you. But I can't be. I know you're out tonight celebrating with your friends... maybe with another girl. I don't know. Why am I not there with you? Instead I am home missing you and writing this to you here, so I don't do something rediculous... because you deserve to move on and not know how much I'm hurting. For all I know I am fading from you, becoming but a distant memory - it would be wrong of me to try and hold onto you when your new life is just beginning.

 

They say heartbreak is painful, have you felt that too? The pain in your chest, at the thought of times passed or of memories lost, the tightened grip squeezing your heart threatening to cease the beating life force. Don't wish for it, but like it or not, it will find you. No experience has been more difficult, not broken me more, nor brought me to my knees in full surrender of my hopes and dreams than this... Oh I just miss you! My skies are so dark without you, how will I go on?

 

But here I am. The world is still turning. Somehow, life goes on and by no effort of my own it just goes. It's just not the same as it was; a new puzzle of an even newer nature and this time the pieces have at least quadrupled -- I haven't found the corner pieces yet. I'll walk through the streets silently. No words, that's all I have for you world. I don't have a lot left to say, but I think you'll appreciate this. I've said too much already. I've put you down, criticized you harshly, insulted, flattered and despised you. Yes, the time has come to hold my peace, yet I will leave my peace to the Universe to absorb; my tears, my breath, my innermost fears, my love and the unspoken stillness in my heart.

 

Keep on keeping on. I just have to. I don't know how, but I will.

 

I love you... help me say goodbye

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That was a very moving and heartfelt letter. I think it is so important to write to our loved ones like this, even if they will not see the words in the physical. I do believe their souls will see, feel, and hear what our souls are saying and feeling. It doesn't matter if they are separated from us through a break-up or through death----they will always be in a safe little section of our hearts, a tiny little home made of love that only they can occupy.

 

When we lose someone, love does not end. It continues on, and by embracing the past, and what this person was to us, we can have more hope for our future. When we have the courage to express our pain, as you have done here, we acknowledge the part of ourselves that is human, that needs love, that is yearning to be healed.

 

May your heart know peace, and one day soon, the love it so deserves.........

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Thank you Beautiful Love. Just writing that out made me feel a little bit better. It's so hard for me to imagine having a place for him in my heart without actually having him, but I suppose all in good time. Mind bender for me!

 

I struggle with guilt sometimes tho that if I fully let him go, maybe the love wasn't really real. Sometimes I feel the only way I will move on is to erase him fully from my life - maybe Eternal Sunshine and someone will go to my house and say, "We'll dispose of these mementos when were done here, that way you wont be confused by their unexplainable presence in your home". *poof* gone...I can dream.

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