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Hate the long distance, I'm lonely, but ex is still haunt me. Please help.


LostOnMyOwn

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Hey all, I just joined not too long ago and needing some advice. Ill try and keep it as short as possible, and thanks in advance for people who take their time to read this.

 

The story is:

I was seeing a guy that I was in a long distance relationship with for 3 and a half years. I'm still young (early early twenties) when we first started dating I was in my middle to late teens.

We have been seperated for almost a year, we ended because the relationship was lacking in many areas. Distance was a big factor, we were from two different countries. We seen each other every other month for about 2 and a half weeks each time. At one point he even lost his job to stay with me longer, and ended up staying for 4 months. He doesn't aspire to do much with his life, and in my country (U.S) and his country (Canada) things are not as expensive here as they are there. He has a minimum wage job in Canada paying nine dollars and something cents, and he doesn't have much of a life so it's easy to save his money.

When visiting he would save up a lot of money and that's when I found he wasn't good at saving his pennies. He would become price hungry and just because everything was cheap he just wanted to blow his money. This made me think he wasn't going to be financially stable in our plans of him moving here.

 

Next he lacked in all life experience as well, he didn't have much going for himself. He never got out and interacted with people so there were no people skills, and unfortunately people could tell. When I tried talking to him about this he would always reply "nah" or "I don't care."

Finally 3 and a half years went along, and I really got interested in a guy that seemed like he had everything my ex didnt, and more. I told my ex that I didn't see him changing much, and it wasn't fair for me to try and change him. I still wanted to be friends, but actually dating was getting too hard for me especially the long distance.

 

I'm sort of a loner, I once had a lot of friends, I was friends with everyone. A few of my friends were bisexual/lesbian. I never was, but I never judged, even when other people would make fun of me for being their friends I still stuck through with them. However, they really ruined things for me in the end, and in this small town "everyone knows everyone", and now I'm labeled as a lesbian. unfortunately this too is a small town, and homosexuality is nowhere welcome. Though no one knows me, they just hear from others that I'm so called lesbian and no one wants to be aquainted with me. So bad that I even got hired a year ago, and my new boss mentioned me having a girlfriend. When I denied his reply was "You don't have to lie to me, everyone knows about you, we are quite aware." He said more that I won't get into, but I could have had his job, not to mention it really hurt me.

 

Anyway (cutting to the chase) this new guy actually didn't know of me, and took the time to get to know me. We fell for each other pretty hard, and was quite into each other. I guess it wasn't smart jumping into a new relationship a few weeks after my near 4 year relationship. But I was lonely and really liked this guy so I gave it a try.

This new guy and I really hit it off, and started seeing each other once every week, to twice a week, to almost everyday, then somewhere after a few months he practicly lives with me. And just as most relationships go the newness wares off, and I start seeing things that are hard to live with. New guy we will call him "M" is kind of a controlling guy, never being in a real relationship before he is quite stuck on himself. In his world it's still all about him, he forgets sometimes there are two of us now. We been together for 7 months now, and we've definitely had our ups, and downs. When he isn't being a butt, he can be really sweet, and caring. However, it's always "get over it" or "I don't care" if we disagree on some things. I also think he "could" be an abusive type as he'll yank things away if I'm frustrated, or if I turn from him he'll use excessive strength and rip me back toward him (he's never hurt me physically though).

 

Anyway, I'm thinking a lot about my ex. Whatever I do it seems I can't forget him, we did no contact for awhile but I broke it and we talked for a bit'. It seemed like he was constantly trying to make me jealous when we talked on the phone, but he admitted he missed me. After talking on the phone for a bit' I could kind of see the old him coming back out, he was just babbeling, still not much to talk about and kind of bored me. Although, I think if we met in person one more time we would probably be inseperable.

We quit talking and it's been a little close to 2 months. It almost seemed he wasn't interested in talking to me the last time we talked cause' he never answered my calls after awhile, and then sent an email saying "no ones ever home, why? what's wrong? I don't work tonight so you can call if you want." Though the ending would seem like it was okay to talk, the majority feel of the whole message almost felt like I was being a pain so I decided not to call, or reply.

 

Now I'm thinking of him all the time, and I would prefer to be with him now, it's just that I'm so freaking lonely. I have absolutely no friends (that's no exaggeration either) this new guy is the only one I talk to everyday/everynight the one person I see, and hang out with. For awhile I was dependant on my own, I liked being alone. Now, if he even goes to his parents house I can't sleep, I'm bored, I can't do anything.

I really like my new guy, he treats me well for the most part, but I think my ex treated me better. Also there is no escaping/winning with either of them because even though my new guy seems really professional, he doesn't want to consider getting a new job. He is a procrastinator (he is in his middle twenties, still working minimum wage job "by choice" because he doesn't want to make any plans, or think of schooling, or getting a better job to better himself) It's hard to live on our own making $7.75 an hour, especially because I got let off on my job.

 

I'm kind of just stuck, because I know if my ex lived here I would be with him no matter what. And if that's not bad enough, all of my family didn't admit it when my ex was around, but waited til I broke up with him to say they favored him a lot. Now that I have a new guy my family isn't the greatest to the new guy, and almost dislike me a little for leaving him. So I have no friends, barely any family because of my ex. And this new guy is giving me mixed thoughts if I can bare to stay with him ... I don't know what to do.

 

Any help, please?

I'm so sorry it turned out long, I'm not good at explaining stories ](*,)

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