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waytoodown

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Me and my bf are long distance, but we have been talking about me possibly moving to his city when I'm done university this year. We will have been together for approx. 1 year and I do believe that it would be the right thing to do...

 

However, I am dead scared and stressed by the idea of moving to a new city, as it would mean leaving family and friends where I now live and moving to another city where I would only know my bf. He already has his friends and family and weekly activities set up, so it's not like he could spend that much free time with me anyways, which wouldn't bother me if I would know other ppl to do things with. Moving would also mean that if things actually do work out I would be there, basically forever. And I have trouble imagining myself living away from my parents forever and in a city where hardly anyone speaks my mother tongue.

 

...Has anyone ever gone through this before? Any advice? Ways fo me to not stress and worry?? ...Anything??? lol

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It doesn't sound like you're ready to move - you seem very stressed. It sounds like you're doing this just so that you can be with your boyfriend. You should be very cautious of that. There is never any guarantee with relationships - it could fall apart quickly, and then you'd find yourself in a town you don't want to be in, with no one you know.

 

If you do really want to go ahead with it, embrace it as the adventure it is. Look at all the good points of moving. Sure, you're leaving your family and your old friends, but you're moving into a completely new place, with new things to see, new places to go, new people to meet! It is a clean slate, a new beginning. And nothing is final, if you're there and it doesn't work out, you can always move back home, or go elsewhere. Life is an adventure; make mistakes, live it, and love every moment of it.

 

As for friends, you'll make new friends. You could hit it off with some of his friends, and you can always find new activities and make your own way.

 

Just make honest with yourself, and make sure you're doing this for yourself, and be prepared to take on all the possibilities and responsibilities that may come.

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I did this, and in my case it did not turn out well. Not saying that it won't work out okay for you.

 

I agree with Slagar, if you decide to do this, make sure it is for you. In my case I had a job lined up and actually wanted the adventure of the new city. I was essentially running away from a few things back home as well, so I was eager for a clean slate. Currently it sounds like you are apprehensive at best. Yes it is stressful and a big decision. You need to make sure it is the right thing for you. As my family rightly asked - would he have done it for me. The answer I have learned since then is "no", he would not have done it for me. I went through similar things that you are afraid of as well. I had similar fears and if you want I can tell you about my actual results and what I did to make my life fuller out there.

 

If I may ask, has it ever been "short" distance/local? Why do you think it would be "the right thing" to do?

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  • 3 weeks later...

I did this too - I moved all the way to California from New York for my ex. We wound up dating for a total of 4 years, but in the end it became clear that it was not meant to be for us.

 

I would offer that leaving home is every bit as difficult as you anticipate it will be. You will miss your family, your friends and the familiarity of everything that you have known and is comfortable to you. That said, there is a whole big world to explore out there and if you stay long enough in your new place, you will discover something to love too. That's sort of when you uncover the deeper difficulties. Now, you have roots in two locations. Friends in both places. You begin to feel tied to your new place and then torn.

 

As for me, I met me fiancee because of the move to CA and I have made some beautiful friends here. I still miss home though and I want to move back to the east coast to begin a family. I want my mom and dad to know their grandchildren and not only in a "during the holidays" kind of way.

 

I think your choice is a difficult one. If you decide to make the move and take on the adventure, you will certainly find things to love about that decision and you could be the kind of person who dives headlong into your new life without a backward glance. It hasn't been so for me, but I have friends who have been able to do that.

 

Trust your heart. My advice? Go with the option that will give you the most opportunities in the end.

 

Good luck to you.

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