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He called . Should I call him back?


BriarRose

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Said sorry for not getting back to me (hasn't spoken to me in a month). Said daughter's husband died.

 

I feel terrible about the death, but I remember he was on link removed while not contacting me. He also didn't respond when I broke NC 2 weeks ago. So I am not sure whether to call him back or why he said to call him. Said he just got my email, but like I said, he was on link removed when I sent it, so obviously he had access to a computer. I don't understand.

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Said sorry for not getting back to me (hasn't spoken to me in a month). Said daughter's husband died.

 

I feel terrible about the death, but I remember he was on link removed while not contacting me. He also didn't respond when I broke NC 2 weeks ago. So I am not sure whether to call him back or why he said to call him. Said he just got my email, but like I said, he was on link removed when I sent it, so obviously he had access to a computer. I don't understand.

 

That is no excuse to go away for a month. Sounds like he wants to continue this dance with you. It's up to you, Misskitty.

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How do you know he was accessing match and not someone else on his behalf? Why not just respond with "I am sorry to hear about your loss but still confused as to why you didn't respond to my call/e-mail"

I'm sorry, I don't understand the first part of your question...?

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Be the bigger person and obligate yourself to respond once and only once. A second attempt is when you choose to ignore.

I guess so. I mean, I know he's telling the truth, I just don't believe that is the reason he hadn't been in contact with me for so long (if this makes sense).

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I think you can respond by simply expressing the appropriate condolences and leave it at that. Clearly, if he truly felt like you two were together and close he would have told you about the death long before now. I think this makes it very clear that you are really on the sidelines of his life. His contact simply warrants and expression of condolences like you would do for anyone who contacted you with news of a death in the family. I would not say anything more to him..there just wouldn't be any point..the writing is on the wall.

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I think you can respond by simply expressing the appropriate condolences and leave it at that. Clearly, if he truly felt like you two were together and close he would have told you about the death long before now. I think this makes it very clear that you are really on the sidelines of his life. His contact simply warrants and expression of condolences like you would do for anyone who contacted you with news of a death in the family. I would not say anything more to him..there just wouldn't be any point..the writing is on the wall.

 

I think CAD said it best.

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I think you can respond by simply expressing the appropriate condolences and leave it at that. Clearly, if he truly felt like you two were together and close he would have told you about the death long before now. I think this makes it very clear that you are really on the sidelines of his life. His contact simply warrants and expression of condolences like you would do for anyone who contacted you with news of a death in the family. I would not say anything more to him..there just wouldn't be any point..the writing is on the wall.

True. And even if the death had occurred yesterday (I do not know when it happened), that doesn't change the fact that he ignored me for a month.

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I just think it is a shame that he continues to do this yo-yo thing of disappearing and then bouncing back and disappearing again. He won't leave well enough alone.

 

I think there is no harm in a quick "sorry to hear your sad news, condolences" message - I would send him an email. I wouldn't call him back -- if he picks up the call, he could reel you in further and it might be hard to end the call quickly once you start talking. Send an email or a card if you can, is my advice.

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I would email back just to express my condolences.

 

Was his email brief, just telling you that his relative died? Or did he ask how you were doing and chat up a bit?

He left a voice mail at my work phone and said to call him when I get his message.

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Hmmm...I would ignore him completely. He showed NO concern for your health while you've been sick, ignored your attempts at contact...while on link removed....

and you've written countless threads about how angry you are at him. Seriuously ,isn't this a no brainer???

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Hmmm...I would ignore him completely. He showed NO concern for your health while you've been sick, ignored your attempts at contact...while on link removed....

and you've written countless threads about how angry you are at him. Seriuously ,isn't this a no brainer???

If someone hadn't died, it would indeed be a no-brainer. But I am leaning in the direction of continuing NC.

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I see no relevance in someone dying and him being able to contact you. Phones still work, his computer obviously worked and I'm certain his fingers were not broken.

Sounds like an excuse someone gives when they KNOW it's the only one someone with half a heart will forgive them for....ie, YOU. He's taking advantage of your good nature. Don't let him!!!!!

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Do I believe he has romantic intentions for you? - No.

 

However, he still apparently sees you as a friend. And for him the time span between contacts is 4 weeks.

 

Given your current state of mind/ emotions taking up the friendship is probably not good for you, since you have not processed the pain from not having him as a partner.

 

But considering how often you have expressed anger/ disappointment/ hurt by the fact that he did not behave like a friend (with your definition of what a friend is, what they do for each other) when you were facing a serious problem in life, I am surprised that you are doubtful if you should send him at least an email to express your condolences.

 

You will not have anything lost by writing a simple email when you are not disclosing any other personal information, but you would be the bigger person by showing compassion

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I don't think it's right for him to be using this as an excuse.

 

OK, I'm changing my mind about what I said before, about sending him a quick condolences note. Now I am leaning with ShoeFairy and MizzJ.

 

After the way he ignored you in your hour of need --- when apparently everything was still just fine in his life, prior to the death of his relative --- after the way that he responded to your email(s) with silence --- would it really be so bad for you to be silent in return? You've been through hell. Put yourself and your well being first and foremost.

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I am all for being a compassionate person, but by responding to his call, MissKitty also leaves the door open for him to continue contacting her sporadically while she's still in a fragile state and trying to get over him....

 

 

But Penelope I see where you're coming from. I just think it's more important for MissKitty to protect herself than to demonstrate that she's a bigger person. With all due respect, just my humble opinion.

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