For those of you who have seen therapists post breakup, what have they advised?

[justletgo07]

Just something I have been curious about.

 

I know many people who have gotten into therapy because of a broken relationship, or were already in it and used it to deal with a breakup. I would likely be in therapy myself if I could afford it. I have a deep respect for people who recognize they need help and actively seek it out.

 

What sorts of advice did your therapist give you? Contact? NC? Did they encourage reconciliation, or try to help you let go? Did they explain why they gave the advice they gave? What sorts of exercises or advice were most helpful to you?

 

I know that was a long string of questions. I'm just curious about people's experiences with this. Feel free to share as little or as much as you're like.

 

 

[Mimori]

Well a therapist would actually sit and look at the situation the person is suffering with.

Post breakup reactions vary depending on the personal experience and emotional connection, there are a lot of variables to take into consideration into figuring out how to solve the problem.

Example: Someone who is attached to their ex, usually the dumpee, will want to reconcile and rebuild the relationship with their past lover. However, in therapeutic terms you would actually need to separate yourself and distance yourself. Yes, they may offer you some glimmer of hope and tell you maybe in time something could be reconciled, but just like they do on these forums they will just end up telling you how you first need to work on you and not be dependent or hold everything in that hope for reconciliation.

By removing memorabilia’s and distancing yourself from the person, you are then able to relook at the situation and be able to see how “destructive” or how the relationship was truly a mismatch or mistakes were made on both sides.

But the first step in healing from a breakup is trying to move away from that person being in your life and returning the single life you had beforehand.

In some cases, my friends have told me that their therapist suggested that they try and meet new people and basically rebound (Casually date around) to get a feel at the different “fish in the sea” so to speak. By meeting new people, you are able to focus your attention elsewhere instead of the past.

Now, I don’t personally believe in rebounding, and I would still follow that rule just I wouldn’t look for dates…I would look for friends. Even if it’s just online by adding random people in my area to facebook or myspace, or even just talk to someone new at school (college).

[justletgo07]

Thank you very much for your thoughts and advice. I am actually not asking because I'm looking for personal advice, because in my opinion I am far beyond that point now. I am more asking out of pure curiosity regarding people's personal experiences with it, not so much what a therapist would hypothetically say. It's easy to theorize what they might say...I'm more interested in hearing about actual experiences.

[fxer82]

i have and i put fourth a good effort to see my own isssues and taking anti-depressents to keep my self in check, that all helped . the one thing that works is time but without some support to go through it, time is hard. i use this site, and others to keep my mind on other things like helping others but i still have good days and bad days, never know when it will hit me but it still does...wa s with her for two yrs i broke up with her in sept 08 been N/C ever sense. today is hard for me i feel her with someone else and it is a learning experience to deal with my emotions, sometimes i can almost see her as if im there for a split second and oh man the tears come rolling in and my heart go numb there is part of me that has excepted it is over but the feelings of love limger on. i deal with it knowing it will past and ill again see her for what she really is and i get relieved im not with her.

[supercalifragilistic]

My situation was that my ex broke up with me for no good reason and was not interested in trying to work things out, so there was nothing to be done besides accepting his decision and trying to move on. And of course, hoping he would change his mind, which I did a lot in the beginning.

 

What my therapist suggested was to grieve my loss...cry as much as I had to, look at old pictures, letters, e-mails...remember all the happy memories...and just let myself feel whatever it was that I was feeling.

 

She also advised me to write about it in a journal and talk about here, since I told her I was coming here. She said it was great and I should keep doing this. Some of the "exercises" she gave me were questions about my ex, questions about me. She told me to list all the qualities I wanted in a partner and see which ones my ex had...she told me to write him a letter but never send it and instead bring it to hear so we could talk about it...she recommended a few books...things like that.

 

The most helpful advice to me was when she told me to grieve my loss and not bury my feelings, it really worked. I didn't expect it to work, but it did. Writing about it was very helpful as well.

 

As for NC...I was already set on doing NC and not talking to him anymore...and she agreed with my decision, so I don't know her thoughts on that one. I think she would probably recommend it to me, though, because every time I talked to my ex before going NC I felt HORRIBLE for days...

[Lastchallenge]

I saw a therapist too and well it was a similar to the ones I'm reading. I did the write the pros and cons and weight them. This really made me wonder of I want the person back. 3 days later I saw the x because I couldn't handle it and I was proud that I kept my cool and I realized I don't love her as much as I thought I did. I miss her and miss what we did but she is right when she said were not meant to be. I guess maybe one day I'll feel completely over it but for now I've really been feeling better.

it's been great being able to eat again and work with a clear head. I do hope she realizes what she threw away but maybe who knows... I do hae one last idea and if tyt doesn't work I'll be able to walk away knowing I tried

[orchidrose]

I've been in therapy for almost three years now; I started going because of a bad break-up. My therapist has really just let me go down my own path, but has been there to listen. She did advise me to go NC several times, but most times, I broke that. She has encouraged me to think about why I've had such a tough time letting go of him, what would need to change for me to take him back, and my general behaviors in relationships.

 

She has advised against me doing things with him, but has always ended sessions by saying "I'm not going to yell at you if you [do things with him]. We're all human. Things happen."