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I have posted on my ex GF and her controlling BF (and another former partner) and when I look up the signs of emotional abuse I see a lot of her in them too.

 

For example, and these are a few of many, she said to me on Friday 'I have no friends', 'I'm going bald' and making other negative statements.

 

When we were going out she would frequently threaten to break up with me, did this to demean me or lower my self-worth, check up on me, almost demand that we meet at a certain time. I think there is more but I'm trying to get over her so I'm not thinking about these things. I do know this, especially towards the end, my self-esteem took a battering and this was combined with losing my job.

 

I still don't feel my old self.

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at least it ended. she was definitely emotionally abusing and she seems like a very spiteful person. at least you can say you tried. i'm sure you will find someone else who doesn't have these horrible tendencies. try and get on with your life. put your efforts into finding work and occupying your mind.

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at least it ended. she was definitely emotionally abusing and she seems like a very spiteful person. at least you can say you tried. i'm sure you will find someone else who doesn't have these horrible tendencies. try and get on with your life. put your efforts into finding work and occupying your mind.

 

Thanks, I have a job now. There is more I think I should post.

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Thanks, I have a job now. There is more I think I should post.

 

it's good that you're working. it should help you keep your mind off of things during the day. try and do things with your friends, family, etc to keep your mind off of things. just remember, she was the one who behaved badly. you're better off without her in your life. she would have continued to cause you stress and you would have walked away with no self-esteem at all if you stayed with her. as the time goes by, the easier it will be.

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So you're still in contact with your ex and she has a controlling BF now, or was this her BF before you?

 

I've had a relationship with a woman who had a controlling/abusive ex and learned there is a line of thought that covers this: many times when someone finally gets out of an abusive relationship, the abused becomes the abuser in their next relationship.

 

It isn't so much that she's taking her revenge out on you. It's more that often when someone is garnering their strength to get out of one of these relationships, they make themselves a promise that they will never be abused ever again. It becomes a twisted defense mechanism.

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it's good that you're working. it should help you keep your mind off of things during the day. try and do things with your friends, family, etc to keep your mind off of things. just remember, she was the one who behaved badly. you're better off without her in your life. she would have continued to cause you stress and you would have walked away with no self-esteem at all if you stayed with her. as the time goes by, the easier it will be.

 

I think your right. I've been thinking of a few more things she said or did these included:

 

Telling me I was ugly quite frequently.

 

That we were worlds apart.

 

That I was 'too slow to catch a cold'.

 

I was a sh*t driver.

 

I was arrogant (probably true in part).

 

I was judgemental (again probably true in part).

 

I was mean (I was poor, not mean).

 

I took too long in bed...

 

Picking on a tendency I had/have to drag my foot.

 

That I chewed too loudly.

 

I think there is more to come.

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So you're still in contact with your ex and she has a controlling BF now, or was this her BF before you?

 

I've had a relationship with a woman who had a controlling/abusive ex and learned there is a line of thought that covers this: many times when someone finally gets out of an abusive relationship, the abused becomes the abuser in their next relationship.

 

It isn't so much that she's taking her revenge out on you. It's more that often when someone is garnering their strength to get out of one of these relationships, they make themselves a promise that they will never be abused ever again. It becomes a twisted defense mechanism.

 

I was in contact with her until yesterday (we had been speaking again for about a month after I got in touch to return her passport) when we had a 'big' bust up. She is still seeing someone else and I asked her to drop contact because of this. She agreed. This was via text. When I stated my reasons over the phone she went off at me stating she had no feelings for me, was only reaching out as a friend, that I had misinterpreted things, that I had been the one contacting her (it had been 50/50) and told me never to contact her again and F*CK OFF. This was also reiterated via text.

 

She has had two controlling BF's. The first she was with for ten years (this ended five years ago and it led to physical violence and death threats). I went out with her from early 2008-early 2009. We had an afterlife in 2009, including sleeping together about 8 times. Today is the day we broke up last year. Her current BF is controlling. She is jealous and possessive and I think she (also) took on many of the character traits of the original abusive BF.

 

I forgot to mention (or I am remembering) that she seemed to pick fights with me and get angry with me for no apparent reason and didn't like the fact that I was too laid back (in her eyes) and compared me to her 22 old son because of this. She was frequently confrontational and had plenty to say about other people and, I think, only liked two of my friends outright.

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Uh huh, I know that scene. I'll bet she was treating you almost exactly the way her two previous AH BF's treated her. Stay far away from her.

 

Friend, I read your posts and know what your saying. This "I'm not a doormat, I'm not controlling, I'm not abusive" is true about me too except I have doormatted myself at various points and I stopped calling her up on her sh*t.

 

I hope your relationship is still going strong...but I gather from your first response this might not be the case...

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I think your right. I've been thinking of a few more things she said or did these included:

 

Telling me I was ugly quite frequently.

 

That we were worlds apart.

 

That I was 'too slow to catch a cold'.

 

I was a sh*t driver.

 

I was arrogant (probably true in part).

 

I was judgemental (again probably true in part).

 

I was mean (I was poor, not mean).

 

I took too long in bed...

 

Picking on a tendency I had/have to drag my foot.

 

That I chewed too loudly.

 

I think there is more to come.

 

God. Well some of it certainly qualifies as abuse, whatever faults you may have had.

 

All I can say though is that you have clearly rid yourself of a total and utter cow. There's nothing I hate more than people who have to run others down to make themselves feel better, especially when its a partner.

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She did run me down a lot. I NEVER did this to her and never felt the need to. I don't have issues like she does. The biggest put down of all, and the one that got to me the most, was that I am not a 'real man'. She is with a 62 year old, umemployed control freak. Is this was a 'real man' is?

 

I'd rather be who I am.

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