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I don't think I'll ever be ready to date again...


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So its only been 2 months since the final breakup. I've been pretty miserable for the most part, but I've tried to make myself feel better by doing things to keep me busy, hanging with friends, meeting new people, etc. I actually went on two "dates" with other women recently. Now I'm not looking for my future wife in either of these women, I really have no interest in being in a relationship with them, but I just figured I needed to do as much as I could to take my mind off of my ex and enjoy myself. Where is the harm in simply going to dinner with someone of the opposite sex?

 

Now I did pay for their dinner, so I guess you could officially call it a date, but I just didn't feel right. The whole time my mind was elsewhere and they could probably sense it. I just felt empty the whole time and all I could think about was my ex. The two places I took these girls were coincidentally two of mine and my ex's favorites restaurants that we always went to. It just felt weird being at these places with another girl who wasn't my ex. The whole time I lookng accross my table, instead of saying to myself that this is a brand new person who maybe I'll get to know, I'm saying "This person isn't my ex".

 

Now I feel terrible because it seems like both of these girls seem to be interested in me and want to see me again. It makes me feel good because I know that other women are interested in me. It gives me a confidence boost. But after hanging out with these girls, I just know I'm not ready to pursue anything and I don't know if I ever will be. I don't even know how to let these girls know that I am not really interested in them without hurting them. It isn't them at all, these women are very nice, very attractive, and great people, but it's ME, not THEM. I'm still too consumed with my ex to see myself being romantically interested in other women. I'm still very much in love with her and all I can do when I interact with other women is to tell myself how they aren't her. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to get past this and eventually see others without my ex consuming my mind.

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Chris, I feel you. 2 months for me and I am not even close to recovery, I was doing really well (called my self fragile) and I found out that my X found someone and is already call him her soul mate after 3 weeks. 3 weeks that low self esteemed X of mind found a "love of her life" I cant even imagine saying to a new girl right now I just met I love you after 3 weeks! So Im in the same boat as you are. Last night I met someone as damaged as I am so we are going to just spend time together, go to movies and dinners, lunches and shopping dates to just pass the time as we both heal. She is not relationship material for me, but its a good companion for now.

I wish you the luck.. I know what you are going thru. We all are going thru our little daily battles and I feel alone when I cry thinking about my X, but I know that Im not the only one feeling it. We are all here for one another and thats what counts.. post all you want.. Ill listen

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I totally understand this. It's been just over three months for me and I find that I simply cannot make myself interested in other women, even to the extent that I find myself staring at other women wherever I go in some strange attempt to convince myself that I am ready to move onto someone else.

 

It's very frustrating.

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I know how you feel. I went through the same thing just a few months ago. All I can suggest is keep it up. Keep the mindset that you're just having fun and keeping yourself occupied. You're enjoying other women's company. You're not looking for romance, not even a goodnight kiss, let alone sex. Just occupy yourself. The more you do it, the faster you'll be over your ex. And, you'll be having fun - instead of sitting at home, alone on your couch, feeling sorry for yourself.

 

By all of this, I'm certainly not saying you should mislead anyone. Be upfront about it. Tell them your situation and what you're looking for right now. They will either be okay with it, or they won't, but they can't blame you for lying.

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