Jump to content

In such a messed up situation


sm0kn

Recommended Posts

I just dont know what to do. I'm 19 years old and I live with my friend's parents. My friend himself is in prison and his girlfriend comes over every now and then to visit his parents.

 

Recently me and his girlfriend started hanging out and talking through texts on the phone. Then she told me she wanted to cuddle with me. Now weve cuddled and kissed and a few other things but I refuse to have sex with her because of the situation we're in.

 

I dont know what to do. I love her, and I am sure she loves me. But the problem is my friend / her boyfriend. She cant just dump him cause hes in prison and she still has feeling for him. While at the same time we have to hide our relationship because if his parents found out about it then it would cause all kinds of hell... including me being kicked out on the street with nowhere to go and who knows what they would do to her.

 

So i need some advice. I want to be with her and she wants to be with me. I have no idea what to do. My friend/her boyfriend wont be out of prison until March-July. And I have nowhere else to go. But I cant stop thinking about her.....

 

You get the picture. I love her and she loves me but It's complicated. Please help

 

And when I say love i mean we love eachother as people. We have everything in common and get along great. We can tell what the other is thinking and finish eachother sentences. We have the same goals in life and weve been through the same messed up backgrounds.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

the thing about her and him is she feels stuck in their relationship. they only went out for like a month before he went to prison and her family ended up liking him a lot and they always talk about him. and she feels like breaking up with him while hes in prison would be the wrong thing to do...

 

and i know i should cut it off but i just cant help myself... the best I can do right now is no sex... ive never felt so strongly connected to anyone in my life

Link to comment
Share on other sites

You say you love her as a person, right? But do you really know what that means?

 

When you love someone, you are willing to do whatever it takes to make sure their best interests are realized. Even if it is painful for you, or means you cannot be with them.

 

You've already admitted that if you two were to pursue this, you don't know what would happen to her. So think about it...

 

Right now, it is not good for her for you two to be together in any sort of way. No matter what it does to you emotionally, you MUST let her go.

 

IF you love her, that is.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Stop. Stop stop stop. You are potentially ruining a friendship and a relationship, and you could easily be kicked to the curb.

 

It's not worth it. Besides, do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who thinks it is ok to cheat, especially with a best friend?

 

If, by some miracle, you honestly believe this girl is worth it, then you need to get your own place, and she needs to break up with her bf. Then you can be together. But it would be at the expense of your friendship with your best friend, your friendship with his parents, and at the expense of being able to financially take care of yourself and this girl. And pray that she doesn't cheat on you with him when he gets out of prison.

 

She sounds very confused and you are sound just as confused. What you are doing is morally wrong and it's time to stop.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If you go through with this relationship, feelings for her or not, you are committing betrayal of the worst kind to your friend and you are likely committing to a woman who will eventually betray you also.

 

If you feel you MUST continue this relationship, then the following must happen:

 

1) You both cease romantic talk and interaction

2) Friend gets out of prison

3) She breaks off relationship with your friend

4) You move out of friend's parents' house

5) You let your friend know you've developed feelings for his ex and want to pursue a relationship with her if he won't be angry with you over it. You handle any friendship issues FIRST before pursuing that relationship.

 

 

Do the right thing, man. She is NOT worth doing such a horrible thing to your friend over, and there is a way to get what you want eventually if you pursue the appropriate path. Further, by doing things the right way you'll see if she is really into the relationship for real or will simply seek out someone else once she realizes she's going to have to wait for you and work for the relationship.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 1 month later...

Well I'm back... and now really need some help... She may be pregnant...

 

I would really appreciate it if I didnt get any negative comments now, I know we've messed up big time...

 

What I'm looking for is any kind of advice I can get... Numbers to call, any kind of advice on supporting a family.

 

An abortion is out of the question. I need advice on anything i can do now to take care of my soon to be family...

 

And please like I said no negative comments I know we screwed up big time now I really just need some advice and negativity wont help...

 

and for anyone who is going to help by giving phone numbers or anything like that, it may be important to let you know that we live in Georgia

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I suggest getting out of your friend's parents' house, having a stable job, and watching your back the moment your friend gets out of prison (not sure what he's in for but he's going to be PISSED at you).

 

Once you do the above, feel free to start reading books with titles like, "So you're going to be a dad".

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Well I'm back... and now really need some help... She may be pregnant...

 

I would really appreciate it if I didnt get any negative comments now, I know we've messed up big time...

 

What I'm looking for is any kind of advice I can get... Numbers to call, any kind of advice on supporting a family.

 

An abortion is out of the question. I need advice on anything i can do now to take care of my soon to be family...

 

And please like I said no negative comments I know we screwed up big time now I really just need some advice and negativity wont help...

 

and for anyone who is going to help by giving phone numbers or anything like that, it may be important to let you know that we live in Georgia

 

Do you have a job? If not, you'd better get one quick and find a new place to live because it's about to hit the fan.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Here's a program that might help with finding affordable housing options in Georgia.

link removed

 

If you google Georgia Social Services you can probably also find info. on food stamps.

Is this a situation where you want to live with her and help to raise the child?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So is she done with him now?

 

I think it's time that she decides quick.

 

I'm not being negative, I'm serious, she needs to figure out if you're going to be the one supporting this baby. We know that you're willing to stick around and taking care of this child, but what are her feelings??

 

And...do you KNOW it's yours?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the help, more is appreciated.

 

Yes I do have a job but its only part time although i usually get around 30 hours, and im still looking for a second job at the moment.

 

Yes I'm pretty positive its mine, we messed around one time 2 weeks before her period and she was due the day before yesterday and hasnt been having any signs of it coming so were getting a test. And I'm also sure she hasnt been with anyone else.

 

And of course I want to live with her and take care of her and the baby.

 

I'm going to take all the advice to heart and if anyone else has any please let me know, my number 1 priority is her and our child now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thanks for the help, more is appreciated.

 

Yes I do have a job but its only part time although i usually get around 30 hours, and im still looking for a second job at the moment.

 

Yes I'm pretty positive its mine, we messed around one time 2 weeks before her period and she was due the day before yesterday and hasnt been having any signs of it coming so were getting a test. And I'm also sure she hasnt been with anyone else.

 

And of course I want to live with her and take care of her and the baby.

 

I'm going to take all the advice to heart and if anyone else has any please let me know, my number 1 priority is her and our child now.

 

You need to get a paternity test. I know you are pretty positive, but I think it'd be best if you were 100% positive.

 

I am interested in the answers to my other questions, about her feelings specifically. Is she leaving her boyfriend to start a family with you?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

She would of because it wouldnt of worked out between them i mean i live with his parents so he would obviously know....

 

besides the test showed negative, although shes still like 4-5 days late...

Link to comment
Share on other sites

If she's not pregnant, then take it as a lesson learned. You need to get out of that house as soon as possible, because this will come out that you are fooling around with your friend's girl. It will NOT be pretty. You will lose your friend and your butt will be out on the street.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...