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What would you do in my situation?


curious11

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Ive been in a relationship for about 10 months now. It was almost perfect the way we met, almost like god put her in my life. I loved this girl from the moment I saw her.

 

I saw her randomly a couple months after the first time i had seen her.. and within a month we were hooking up and romantically involved. 10 months later we are still together.

 

Throughout the relationship our love had grown very strong, she fell for me head over heels and I was infact in love with her as well. Almost like we were inseperable.

 

The past month has been rocky. I havnt been feeling love from her like I used too. She still tells me she loves me, and tells me that im her future. But, she doesnt want to spend time with me.. shes annoyed by the phone.. and shes been really really moody. She told me she hasnt been in good space lately, and needs her space from her everyday routine because its driving her crazy. But, the way she has been acting has been bringing out my insecurities big time. I dont feel loved, and im scared the relationship is going down the wrong road. And this is driving me crazy, and I think its pushing her away from me.

 

How do I just trust and have faith that everything will be ok? That she does love me, and wants to be with me? Should I give her some space?

 

Im trying so hard to just work on myself, and not worry about her. I feel like if she really loved me then she wouldnt be so moody and push-off towards me.

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Maybe she's going through something she's not quite ready to share right now. Is she not spending any time with you at all? Maybe back off on questioning her behavior (as long as it isn't too extreme) for a bit and give her time to think. The need for constant reassurance is not attractive to the partner who is needing space. I feel for you, because I too have to fight insecurity as well. Try to give her some room to breathe. As long as nothing is going on that gives you cause to be suspicious I say cut her a little slack. Depending on her personality, she may just be a person who needs a little time to herself. It probably won't take too long to figure out where this is headed.

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Maybe she's going through something she's not quite ready to share right now. Is she not spending any time with you at all? Maybe back off on questioning her behavior (as long as it isn't too extreme) for a bit and give her time to think. The need for constant reassurance is not attractive to the partner who is needing space. I feel for you, because I too have to fight insecurity as well. Try to give her some room to breathe. As long as nothing is going on that gives you cause to be suspicious I say cut her a little slack. Depending on her personality, she may just be a person who needs a little time to herself. It probably won't take too long to figure out where this is headed.

 

She spends time with me.. But only for an hour or so, then she gets really depressed. She is also bi-polar.

 

She has been sleeping a TON lately. I think she is really depressed right now. But she doesnt want to open up and tell me whats going on with her, but she does reasure me that its not me.

 

I need advice on controlling my actions, as much as i want to reasure her love for me like you said, I know its bad, and will annoy the crap out of her. I tried saying we need like a week apart.. But she got pissed and said no. I only said that because it will make it easier for me not to be a pest.

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Please understand that sometimes people handle their stress differently. Some want to be surrounded by people and others like your girlfriend and myself pull away from those that are closest to us. I'm guilty of this and it makes my bf nervous. He wants constant reassurance that we are okay and that I still love him and I do, but in reality when I am in a depressed state, all I want to do is be away from everyone and just deal with my thoughts on my own. I can't do that when he is around me, needing constant validation.

 

Give her some space and time. Reassure her that you love her and you are there for her when she is ready to spend more time with you. Don't try and force her or put a guilt trip on her. Hopefully, she's like me and will come around within a few days...

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Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. Because when i was with her, she said "I just dont want to be touched or anything."

 

Its been about 4 days now, Im trying my hardest not to bug her. Im doing ok at it. Better then my previous relationship. And much like your boyfriend, I am nervous. Because usually she snaps out of it after a day or two. This time its longer.

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If this is just a one time thing then you should back off and give her the space she asks for, at least for a while. But if this is a recurrent behaviour then you need to ask yourself if this is something you can tolerate during a long-term relationship. Behaviour like this can corrode a relationship very quickly - both people need to feel loved and wanted and for one to constantly withdraw every time they have a problem can get very old very quickly.

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Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. Because when i was with her, she said "I just dont want to be touched or anything."

 

Its been about 4 days now, Im trying my hardest not to bug her. Im doing ok at it. Better then my previous relationship. And much like your boyfriend, I am nervous. Because usually she snaps out of it after a day or two. This time its longer.

 

Do you know what is bothering her? Has she mentioned anything at all to you?

 

You are doing the right thing. I know it's hard sweetie, just be patient with her, she'll love you more for it.

 

You could still send the occasional text telling her that you love her and you are here to talk whenever she is ready.

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this is a tough one, because you can't force people to open up to you. i am the kind of person who has a very hard time opening up. it is only recently that i've decided that holding everything in is not something i wish to do my entire life.

 

you don't have to "schedule" a week away from her. just let her know that you acknowledge and respect her need to have her space when she needs it, but you should also be ready to accept that this may be something that happens frequently in your relationship. maybe you can compromise somewhere on this, because i don't think that just because she's decided she needs her space that your needs should be ignored. i don't mean just giving her a free pass to leave you hanging whenever the mood hits.

 

as for not seeming too needy, you just gotta make the decision not to act out when you feel yourself trying to get her to validate you. you need to find something positive to do with the time that you spend apart, otherwise you'll drive yourself crazy.

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We havnt had sex for a week an half. Shes 20 and im 22. Thats odd to me. I dont really know whats going on with her. Its eatin me up inside. Because I already know the possibilitys for her behavior. I just pray that its only got to do with her mind set right now.

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We havnt had sex for a week an half. Shes 20 and im 22. Thats odd to me. I dont really know whats going on with her. Its eatin me up inside. Because I already know the possibilitys for her behavior. I just pray that its only got to do with her mind set right now.

 

When I am in a depressed state, the last thing I want is sex.

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Listen, I am going through the EXACT same thing right now. Google Atypical depression and you will find that she is going through that now. All you can do is give her space. Dont bother her. These forums have taught me that its not you and its not her, its the depression. When she wants to talk, she will. If she doesnt and needs that space, use the time wisely to better yourself. Im not saying that you need to be a d**k and ignore her, but let her have time to herself to collect her thoughts.

 

ITS NOT YOU, ITS THE DEPRESSION!!!

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