fear about meeting new people/group but totally okay during interaction, how to fix this ?

[rainyday]

i need to fix my nervous/shyness about contacting new ppl in general...because it is affecting my performance in business related decisions and ultimately career....like i delay meeting new people or reaching out to form partnerships etc....in person or phone. marketing , cold calling etc.

 

but when i start going i get into my "zone" and interact successfully i forget about the fear. if i fail at interacting successfully i feel rejected and angry....

 

i have a big fear of rejection from individuals but not from groups, society...

 

for example if my gf or a stranger rejected me it can keep me occupied for a while. i hurts me because it makes me feel like i am not good enough, betrayed, etc....

 

i get a bit paranoid like they are sniffing me out as some idiot, scum. what will this person think of me ? is he cocky ? is he trying to outsmart me ?

 

i am always fearful of wasting other individual's time, hurting them in some way....like i always feel like "why should the other person bother to pay attention to me? im not important. there are probably better person out there, im nothing so i deserve it...."

 

getting rejected by a group of ppl or a larger entity i feel strangely excited by the challenge, in the drive to surpass or beat it.....becoming outcast only makes me feel good in that i think and work harder to get stronger and surpass other "groups".

 

i hate meeting in large social gathering sseminars, conventions, party, nightclubs (im a total freeze...), i feel like a * * * * * pretending to enjoy it but really wanting to be focusing on more efficient work alone (always need to be high or drunk to have a good time)....afterwards i feel very tired emotionally and will isolate myself for a few weeks to months to "recharge" and prefer to work alone.

 

why does being in a group of people in social settings feel so inefficient ? ex) when i am hanging out with friends, business meetings, i feel like it's wasting my time, and other people's times. everything is slower in groups, and more riskier compared to being alone so i can't help but be tense, paranoid of other people.

 

however in teamwork environments i always take leadership roles because i cannot stand being under another individual...it bothers me the most. i work best when i am leading my group and very easily outperform other groups....

 

but when i compete on an individual scale i feel afraid, unworthy, low confidence, cowardly due to more intense level of emotional play.... this is why i am always paranoid about people trying to overtake me within my group and if i suspect it, i make the group turn against this person.

 

 

so how to overcome this initial fear of meeting new people in general? do i just keep on practicing till i become desensitized by the fear ?

 

thanks for reading ! i just smoked a joint so i am quite high.

[Ebrithil]

Youll probobly find that its the drugs that are making you paranoid

 

First of all everyone is affraid of rejection and when put into a social situation that you feel strained in people will oftern go and hide for a few days not to recharge but to hide so that people wont mock them for what they did or said at the occasion which never really happens anyway.

 

You should try puting yourself under other people for a change help them get better instead of trying to stay as the top dog, I am a supervisor where I work, I worked hard to get to that position but I dont concidor myself other peoples boss as such, I look after them and if I look after them they will respect me and hold me up in my higher ranking position. In a wolf pack the Alpha male will only remain the alpha if the other wolves think that he is best suited to the task the moment they think he isnt acting for the good of all the rest of them he will be removed, so help your colleages better themself only by placing yourself lower than other people can you better yourself.

 

So the idea of wasting other peoples time and not being worth their attention is a negative approch but you can use that to help improve yourself, if you listen to what other people are saying respect thier thoughts and whishes dont try to manipulate them or your way around them they will feel more comfertable with you and will return the respect to you then you wont be wasting their time because it will be time they will feel happy to give to you.

 

Before anyone can get to the top of the ladder you have to find some solid groud to support it, the foundation is more important than what is at the top.