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do dumpers feel bad if they rebound right away?


saddeyes

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What if the dumper left the relationship very confused and turned to another person they had their eye on and started a new relationship? Do they feel bad or hurt? Do they ever mourn if someone else is there to take their minds off the old relationship?

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If they're going straight to a new relationship despite being confused, I'm not convinced they're confused. I'm sure there might be things they miss, but I would say if they move straight to a rebound they probably were more than ready to move on from the old relationship. So I would say no but of course this is just my general opinion. I'm sure there are plenty who have felt bad, but my impression of a person moving straight to a rebound is that they want to move on and they don't really feel bad.

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He may say he felt bad, but that doesn't mean he'll continue to feel bad. He did something in the past he regretted, and now he's putting it in the past (thus the number change and email change etc.) So that he can NOT feel bad from that point on and can move on with the person that makes him happy. May he still? Sure, that may come up in his mind from time to time. But, for a guy going from one girl to another, its often because he has his mind made up about who he wants to be with and who makes him happy.

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hmm same thing happened to me. i think its more like they are too infatuated to think of it at this point in time. most likely this girl was a listener and picked up on the things he may have complained on and used it to her advantage. but that dont mean it will last long cuz if she had to fake putting on a show they get tired after a while playing who they arent

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I feel you, saddeyes, and wonder the same myself. Is there some other reason he has changed his contact info? Did you contact him and if so, what was it that you said?

 

The ex left our “good thing” impulsively 5 weeks ago for someone else – straight-up typical ‘grass is greener’ move on his part. Well, that grass was a psycho shade of green and things between them fizzled out and they are already done and over with. The ex has made numerous albeit idiotic indirect attempts to see me: sided up with my friends, showed up to events I was at, texted me insignificant news, etc. I’ve been NC, though, and it’s helping but I still miss/love him.

 

Not to highjack things here, but what does all this saying about the ex mourning me?

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I kinda feel the same. I posted my story on the Grass is Greener thread. Two weeks ago, my partner of 10 years left me, and instantly started a new "long-term" (as he put it) relationship with a new guy that he has a spark and a connection with. It literally took one or two days for him to start it up with the new guy. Now they're planning on moving in together within the next month. He claims that he's hurting too; however, the two of them spend every minute of every day together, and they are always going out and having fun. I find out through mutual friends that they've been at parties together, events together, seeing things on facebook, etc.

 

Does he regret anything? I think not. I don't even think I really cross his mind. He really doesn't contact me unless its business (financial, bills, etc.), and that's it. I don't know if what he has with the new guy will fizzle out or grow stronger? They're moving pretty fast because supposedly something feels so right. It shows all the signs of Grass is Greener, but who knows, really.

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I dont think they regret it at first, they are probably more relieved that the break up is over with and they are now free, to start a fresh with the 'rebound'.

 

However, sometime down the line, when the new relationship looses its magic, maybe then they regret it, especially if they left a pretty good long term relationship, where there was no abuse or cheating involved.

 

Maybe that's just my wishful thinking though, because i am in the same boat, and i hope she one day regrets her decision.

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Yeah, I agree, Dazed... Last Thursday, he told me, "I loooooooooove being with ______! I've never felt so free and liberated, and it feels great!"

 

I mean, I don't really feel like I did anything to keep him from doing what he wanted to do. He always pretty much did what he wanted.

 

I think that right now, he is definitely living in the moment, and I hope, eventually, that it catches up to him, and he actually thinks. He even said when he left that he felt like he could spend the next 50 years with me, that I'm his best friend, that we are tied by a strong bond, that he loves me and always will, that he knew my whole heart was in the relationship, etc. I have a lot of wishful thinking, too. I didn't cheat on him, and the relationship wasn't abusive at all, so I hope he realizes he lost something, but unfortunately, I do not know if that day will ever come.

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I really don't know. My ex left me when there was someone else in the picture. Actually as soon as she said the words 'I want to break up' she couldn't wait to go tell him. A few days later I spoke to her on the phone and asked her how she was and she said 'I dunno, just less stressed' - that made me feel aweful. The she said things like 'We need to find you a girl' .. 'but I don't know any single ones' ... and ... 'you're going to be a right player now'

 

I was gobsmacked and I told her that I doubt I will be seeing anyone soon. To be honest I found it really REALLY insensitive to be like that. I was a really nice genuine guy, I may have moods and problems, but I was always as honest as could be about how I was feeling. I do find it hard to express myself and she may never know how much anxiety I had to break through to say some things.

 

Seems she has found Mr Perfect now and I am relagated to that 'boy' I used to date. OMG why did I ever date him. Bah..the highs and lows.

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What if the dumper left the relationship very confused and turned to another person they had their eye on and started a new relationship? Do they feel bad or hurt? Do they ever mourn if someone else is there to take their minds off the old relationship?

 

Rebounds rarely work. I rebounded 2 weeks after my ex of 2 years and i broke up (this was like 3 years ago from now). and i wasnt ready for that so it actually made me more emotional. I think it really depends on the person and how attached or disattached from the relationship they were in the end. There are many factors that could come into play.

 

1) The dumper was already over the relationship long ago but couldnt find the nerve to end it so he/she kept going with it, whilst looking at other options or having an option already in place. If this was the case, i dont think the dumper would feel bad after the break up cause he is happy or more so distracted.

 

2) The Dumper is one of those types that shields thier emotions by being distracted therfore hooking up with someone else to take thier mind off the true hurt of the situation. In a case like this, the rebound wont last long and alot of the time is regretted.

 

3) The dumper becomes lonely and starts to miss thier ex but goes out and gets drunk and happens to meet someone and to fill that empty void of being lonely rebounds. In this case it will probably be regretted the next morning.

 

4) The dumper handles it the way most should and focuses on themself for a good amount of time before turning to someone.

 

 

This is my break down of how i think rebounds work from personal experiance. Bottom line is, the dumpee will be crushed no matter what if he/she was to hear of their ex rebounding and it will never make sense. In my opinion though, rebounding is almost always to shield or cover up the pain. It never works!

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Ahhh... So I am trying to get better about having little or no contact with him... It kills me though because, of course, I want to talk to him and see him... Yesterday, he only texted about his mail. Well, today at about 5, he texted me to ask me if I had rehearsal for my show tonite. I didn't respond because I was actually scared that he wanted to come get more of his stuff from the apartment, and I was dreading that. I continued with my plans of meeting my friend for dinner, and while we were eating, he called me three times... every ten minutes. I didn't answer. Finally, at 6:30 or so, I texted, "What did you need?" His response was "Oh, I was just gonna call and see how you are and thats about it really." I waited thirty more minutes and sent a text back to say, "I'm good." Ten minutes later, he sent a text asking, "How's your show coming along?", and once again, I waited for about thirty minutes and responded, "Fine". I was looking through Facebook at some of our mutual friends' pages, and I saw that his new boyfriend had plans tonight with one of their friends, so that's why he was texting me... this first time in two weeks that he's had a free moment away from the new boy, and he's texting me... I mean, seriously?! What's he trying to do? I don't feel that he has any intentions of fixing things with me right now, but why does he text and call so much?! AURHGH!

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im havin a huge problem with numbers 1 n 2...i dont know which one my ex is in...he tells his friends how good his new gf is in bed, how shes so hot, n once compared how shes much hotter than i am, how shes so great in general. never brings me up anymore. it hurts so much... we broke up like 3 weeks ago, and its been one week of them being in an official relationship , not jus messin around..so i dont know what to think.........plus she has a kid...he wont tell anyone..but maybe he doesnt care about it..hes also made a fake facebook to try talk to me..but he hasnt replied for a couple days..anyone hav thoughts..?

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How long do these rebounds usually last? For my ex and his new bf, they've been now "official" for 2 weeks, and my ex and I have been split for oh, two weeks and a few days. Everything seems to be going smoothly for them right now, but I just wonder, from you guys' experiences, how long this newness can last and how long rebounds usually last?

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2) The Dumper is one of those types that shields thier emotions by being distracted therfore hooking up with someone else to take thier mind off the true hurt of the situation. In a case like this, the rebound wont last long and alot of the time is regretted.

 

this stand for my situtuation its been 3 months and her relatiosship status is still single we were in a realtionship a month and a half from started dating not sure what going on

 

does option 2 work ?

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  • 2 weeks later...

My ex fiance left me 7 months ago and within about 3 weeks he was introducing the "Friend" who had "comforted" him to everyone as his girlfriend.

 

When I look back now with the benefit of hindsight I can see that all the crappy little digs he tried to have at my expense were the result of him feeling so awful at what he was doing.

Whenever I saw him where he works (I made a point of continuing to shop there with my head held high) he still looked absolutely devastated and the odd time I was close by, if I said hello he could barely reply; Once I thought he was going to burst into tears.

I am sure that when he was with her she was the best thing since sliced pan but I am convinced that seeing me, away from her, kept opening up the wounds and being with her has stopped him from properly dealing with our split.

 

In desperation I met up with him in late december to clear the air and once it became clear to him that I didn't hate him and had actually been wishing him well for months all the nastiness from his side stopped.

 

They are still together, it's been 6 months now but if he can find an excuse to contact me he does and when I see him at work the odd time (I try not to go in more than once a month; let him miss me lol) he's all happy to see me and desperate to tell me all his news.

 

When dumpers go on the rebound they have a tendency to rub it in your face and I think this is what he regrets the most, the fact the HE left me and then rubbed my face in it. Not a good recipe for a new relationship methinks...

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