Many other girls do this?

[Wotson]

Time for a short story

 

Met a girl (aka “Z” for the purpose speed and anonymity) in a club nearly two weeks ago. We had been making eye contact most of the evening before she (Z) came over and initiated conversation by saying “im going to the bar to get a drink do you need another?”. Once at the bar we introduced each other and started the usual small talk.

 

Now I don’t want to seem big headed but being a fairly attractive 6’3 twenty one year old male I get quite a lot of attention from women on nights out. Its normally a bit of fun finding someone to have a cheeky little kiss and dance with and then leaving it at that when the night is over. However this was different, Z was exactly my type and I felt an instant connection deeper than anything I had felt with other girls even old girlfriends.

 

Anyway, After a making out for a bit we exchanged contact details: She gave me her number, I gave my full name (she wanted to add me on facebook) and number. By this time the club was almost closing, so Z got her coat and came back to give me a kiss good night before leaving with her friends..

Once she got home she added me on facebook straight away (at 4am).

 

Two days went by before I text Z inviting her out for drinks. She text back saying drinks sounded lovely and that she would meet me on Thursday (28th of January). From my perspective the date went as well as I could hope. We greeted each other with a kiss and a hug. Then, went on to talk and joke for nearly 3 hours before the conversation started to dry up and I suggested I walk her home. Once there we said our good byes. I just went to hug her but she lent in for a kiss to which I did the same. After the kiss I told her I had a fun time and that I would be in touch soon.

 

I walked home with a warm fuzzy feeling all the way. I found it hard to sleep the next few nights thinking about her and when we would meet again. I refrained myself and decided to leave it 3 days before getting in touch again. I sent a text asking how she was, if shed had a good weekend and to see if she wanted to meet up the next week. To which I got no reply.

 

After 12 hrs with no reply I thought: fair enough maybe she is very busy, has no credit or has lost her phone. So I sent another text similar to the previous one. Another 12 hrs passed and there was still no reply. By this time I was getting worried/suspicious so I went to the next port of call. Facebook where I PM’d her asking if she had got my texts and if so I could understand if she didn’t want to meet up but to let me know either way.

 

To which I have still got no reply 2 days latter. All I want is a simple yes or no. That way I can move on and try to forget about her.

 

In the words of Mike Ness: “Love... don't keep me hanging on,

I should've known

It was only a dream,

Just a dream”

 

I’m slightly confused do many other girls simply flat out ignore guys and not even have the common courtesy to politely reject them?

[annie24]

welcome to enotalone.

 

just a little rant from me, i really hate texting, especially in relationships. it's just so much nicer when a guy actually calls to ask me out, rather than a text.

 

it sounds like she's not interested, for whatever reason. not sure why. my guess is that her ex might still be in the picture. just my hunch. i agree she should have told you she's no longer interested. but, i've chickened out too, and not said anything, just didn't return calls. after being on ENA, i see that guys would rather just hear the 'thanks but no thanks' vs. being ignored.

 

i'd move on.

[annie24]

I refrained myself and decided to leave it 3 days before getting in touch again. I sent a text asking how she was, if shed had a good weekend and to see if she wanted to meet up the next week. To which I got no reply.

 

PS - most of my friends and i have found that when a guy is really interested, he'll call right after the date or the next morning to say that he had fun and wants to see me again. 3 days might be playing it 'too cool.'

 

it's also a bit ironic that you wait 3 days to call her, but then get annoyed when she didn't reply within 12 hours! i mean, double standard!

[Wotson]

Thanks for the tips... I’m not a big fan of texting myself or facebook for that mater. But I have recently come out of a relationship with a girl who loved to text. Old habits die hard.

 

PS - most of my friends and i have found that when a guy is really interested, he'll call right after the date or the next morning to say that he had fun and wants to see me again. 3 days might be playing it 'too cool.'

 

it's also a bit ironic that you wait 3 days to call her, but then get annoyed when she didn't reply within 12 hours! i mean, double standard!

 

Thing is, she seemed like the laid back arty type and said she had a full on weekend planed so i didn’t want to hassle her if she was busy.

 

I never said I was annoyed, just worried. Most girls I know text back quick.

 

I will try and pretend it doesn’t bother me, but it clearly dose if I went to the effort to register and post that little rant.

 

Any who, I shall endeavour to move on. Alas, why is it always the girls I like who are not interested.

[annie24]

ah well, that's life. you like someone, they don't like you back. and vice versa. i suppose one day you find someone who likes you back!

 

i know it must bother you - it would bother me too. you just want to get an answer, you know? i understand. i am waiting to hear if i got a grant, i asked the secretary when i would find out. she told me she'd look into it, and i haven't heard anything. that was last week! i mean, if the answer is no, just tell me no, right? or if they haven't processed the applications, that's ok too. oh well. just saying that i get it.

 

i would just assume at this point by her lack of response that she is not interested and move forward. has she been on facebook since you wrote to her? i guess if she hasn't, it's possible that something happened like an emergency and that is why she hasn't written you. but more than likely, i think there is another guy in the picture.

[Puddincup]

Waiting is a real pain. Waiting for an ex to change his mind.... waiting for a grant.... waiting for a new girl to show you what she's thinking.... I would love it if there was a pill you could take that gave you patience.

 

So you have two options really. Continue to be interested and be patient and see what happens. Or write her off and move on to the next girl in the line. Or you can do both...be patient with her lack of response but not hitch all your hopes on being with her.

[Wotson]

Yeah she has been online since. Seems to be carrying on with life as normal. You could be right about another guy on the scene. She doesn’t have her relationship status on show so who knows.

 

Thanks for the replies though. Its kind of confirmed what i already knew.

[mmike]

Wotson,

 

Sorry to hear that...and I wish I could tell you why women do that. I've been in the exact same scenario, and I guarantee all guys have. All I can say is that individuals who do that don't have integrity, courtesy or the courage to be straightforward. So just view it as a flaw of hers. Possibly, it is a subliminal thing to keep options open in the distant future, so in a way it can be a positive thing, if you make the rounds every couple of weeks she will probably bite again, there is a cycle to it if you know what I mean. You'll kill anything you have if you start contacting too much or pressuring her for an answer, this is small potatoes and if you appear to be shaken up by it you will look weak in her eyes. Give it about 5 days and ring her with something light and simple "what a good time you had doing something, come along", sometimes a bold statement works too like "if we don't hang out soon I'm going to have to start dating other people" It is a pretty uncivilized game or it has become that in some ways.

[fLuiD]

Meeting girls who club is kind of questionable anyways. I wouldn't take any girl I met at a club too serious.

[hol234]

If a guy contacted me three whole days after our date I would just delete the message staright away NO matter how much I was interested, contacting me three days after the date would make me think he wasnt fully interested so I definitely wouldnt contact him back until I felt he'd put some effort in, more txts/calls etc even without hearing back from me, my point is she may still be interested but doesnt want to contact u back as she may feel the same as I do.

[Wotson]

Maybe she is like you then. Most other girls i have text in a similar time period didn’t seem to mind. There must be more to it imo. Either way I wont fall back on old habits in the future and will be sure to get in contact with people sooner after first dates.

 

 

Meeting girls who club is kind of questionable anyways. I wouldn't take any girl I met at a club too serious.

 

I know meeting people in clubs isn’t the best way to go about starting a serious relationship. But its worked ok for me before seeing as that’s how i met most girlfriends in the past.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I agree with annie24 on the double standard. You were trying to play it cool and garner some interest. It either backfired on you, or she's reciprocating (if so, it seems to be working). Whenever I meet a woman I really like, and I can tell she's into me, I don't play those games. I call her the next day. If she giggles and says she was just thinking about you when she answers, you know you did the right thing.

 

I would stop trying to contact her and wait a week. If she doesn't contact you in that much time, you'll have your answer.

[i.need.help]

I know meeting people in clubs isn’t the best way to go about starting a serious relationship. But its worked ok for me before seeing as that’s how i met most girlfriends in the past.

 

yeah but the ex-gfs' whom you met are no longer with you so that's gotta say something about meeting potential girlfriends at clubs. personally i never do it either. something about girls and clubbing just turns me off.

[Wotson]

Not sure if I want to drag up this topic again, but feel I sould for all those who showed an interest.

 

In short, I met her again at the same club the other night. When asked why she was ignoring me she said: she didn’t know how to tell me she wasn’t interested and that ignoring me was easier.

 

Apparently she has just come out of a difficult relationship and isn’t ready for dating. It all sounded quite genuine but im not sure if it might just be an excuse.

 

Oh well. Now I have my answer.

[annie24]

did you tell her she could have just said to you, "hey wotson - i'm out of a difficult relationship and i'm not ready for dating." she could have and should have just said that to you. i hope you told her that she could have just done that and not left you hanging.