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Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion.


helloimk

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Hello need some advice to make sure I'm not being irrational.

 

I've been with my bf for a year. In the past he's mentioned his want for me to work out more, and dress different ( less serious, more young? * * * ) I gave this a try even letting him pick out some clothing at the mall. Our sex life has been affected by this also, but Ive pushed it out of my mind.

 

Lately he'll see a woman on tv and make some kind of commentary along the lines of "wow" " look at her boobs". It makes me uncomfortable because these women have plastic surgery done and well it's unrealistic for me to try to look like them. I've been on a diet for the last few months but progress is slow, I work out at home to save money but my bf is critical of it... saying that I'm doing it wrong.

 

I feel like a troll, like I'm not good enough for him like why is he with me if he wants that kind of woman? I am by no means heavy, I consider myself a pretty girl with a nice shape Im working on toning my body.

 

I've told him several times that if that's the kind of woman he wants to go for it..

 

I don't know maybe I'm being too critical of him?

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I don't think you're being too critical of him at all.

 

In fact, I think he's a real @ss for telling you how to dress, and telling you to lose weight. It is also highly disrespectful of him to compare you to other women on tv.

 

Why not start nitpicking on him and see how he feels about that?

 

Seriously, if you feel that there's nothing for you to change, then the only thing you need to change is a new bf.

 

Never change yourself for a guy, if he truly loves you he will accept you the way you are. I would understand if he was trying to tell you to lose weight to get healthy, but clearly this isn't the case right now.

 

You deserve better!

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I don't think you're being too critical of him at all.

 

In fact, I think he's a real @ss for telling you how to dress, and telling you to lose weight. It is also highly disrespectful of him to compare you to other women on tv.

 

Why not start nitpicking on him and see how he feels about that?

 

Seriously, if you feel that there's nothing for you to change, then the only thing you need to change is a new bf.

 

Never change yourself for a guy, if he truly loves you he will accept you the way you are. I would understand if he was trying to tell you to lose weight to get healthy, but clearly this isn't the case right now.

 

You deserve better!

 

He told me that one time, and when he noticed that I was indifferent (because I was so hurt) he apologized and told me to forget that. Every time

I mention that conversation, he'll say "I thought we were going to forget about that"

 

I've confronted him about his comments, and he says " eyes are to see". I think if you find someone unattractive you should just tell them so. I feel like he stays with me because he knows I couldnt hurt him.

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i would break down if someone commented on my body! I am overly sensitive about it, I mean once a guy even said something about me being too thin and I flipped. I can't handle it. Woman critisize themselves enough without having outside people step up and add their 2 cents. If you want to change how you dress and your shape then by all means do so, but if you are happy and confident in yourself and your looks then you need to tell him to go to He**. If he can't love and appreciate it you now, he doesnt deserve you.

 

In my signature is part of a marylin monroe quote that I love. it says: "I’m selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I’m out of control, and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best."

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ya, make sure you stand up for yourself. He might not mean it to be mean or hurtful, but you need to let him know how it makes you feel. Next time you see a hot guy on TV or in a mag or something be like ohhh he's soo hot, I wish you had abs/arms/chest like that! And when he reacts tell him that is how it feels when he does it to you.

Good luck hun, sorry you are dealing with this.

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The very first time a guy makes a negative comment about my body is the last time he makes a negative comment about anything. He is gone. Now if he notices women on t.v., I don't have a problem with that. If a lady is well built, she's well built, no problem there. I mean, eyes are to see and that is what someone sees. As long as they don't compare me to them or want me to change, I'm fine. Your bf sounds like a creep. Plain and simple. Creep.

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If you are uncomfortable being told what to do, then don't. Tell him that you will do things the way YOU want them done, dress the way YOU want to dress, etc.

 

There's nothing wrong with dressing to please, on occasion, heck I do it every day at work, but seriously, YOU can put a stop to this.

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Yes, he has said in the past that I look sexy or pretty.

 

Is it possible that a very nice guy could just be a dbag?

 

 

Why not tell him in definitive terms what is acceptable and what is not? You can tell him that you don't want to be with him if he doesn't accept your body.

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To me he seems over critical of you, yes, and extremely insensitive in his delivery of his "ideas' to you.

 

Also, I have to say I would not date someone who when sharing nice time watching tv. together, would suddenly excitedly claim, "wow - look at her boobs"! That's so rude IMHO, and insensitive to you, and Neanderthal in the lack of control. Not for me.

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  • 3 weeks later...

MY THOUGHTS EXACTLY!

 

my boyfriend is also very critical of the way i dress and my weight, partly because he is a gym rat. But I am asian, so naturally I am slender but I just don't go out to the gym as much as he does because I actually am quite busy with school.

 

- The way I cope with this is by also commenting on attractive men, and WOMEN when you see them. If it bothers him, then he'll know how you feel when he does the same.

 

- Also, workout! i recommend it. nothing de-stress better than working out. Maybe take a class together, like dancing, then you two can have fun and work up a sweat at the same time.

 

- DOn't let his negative attitude bring you down. If you believe that you're fit and beautiful, then you carry yourself that way. You confidence will attract him. The more you cave into his critiques, the more you will seem insecure, and more vulnerable to even more ridiculous comments of his about your appearances.

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