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what's with these mixed signals?


kbouquet

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I met a men online. We have dated at least a dozen times, off and on for a while. I just can't figure out how he feels. He has told me he likes me a lot.

Tells me he is not dating anyone else, but he doesn't call me very often or want to see me very often, once a week if I am very lucky. Plus, get this, he is on two dating sites (every other day), and says he is not attracted to these woman he just likes to write to them. If I mention it, he does not like that I am inferring that he is not honest. Am I nuts to keep seeing him?

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He's playing the field is my thought. Not ready to settle down with anyone in particular yet, but he's still interested in you on some level. Personally if he hasn't settled on me by now I'd seek another partnership.

 

that's my assessment as well. he's interested, but still sniffing around to see if he can land 'better.' my 2 cents.

 

it sounds like you are ready to take the relationship to the next level while he is not.

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I met a men online. We have dated at least a dozen times, off and on for a while. I just can't figure out how he feels. He has told me he likes me a lot.

Tells me he is not dating anyone else, but he doesn't call me very often or want to see me very often, once a week if I am very lucky. Plus, get this, he is on two dating sites (every other day), and says he is not attracted to these woman he just likes to write to them. If I mention it, he does not like that I am inferring that he is not honest. Am I nuts to keep seeing him?

 

No you are not nuts. You are just an optimist. Hopeful.

 

I can't advise you though because I'm in the same boat! more or less.

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He is patient about not sleeping together though. Oh well,

I guess I will give him a few more weeks to see if he pays more

attention to me. He told me he had been on many, first dates,

so, I must be "special", but I guess some people always think

there might me something better and are scared to settle with

one person.

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I understand about the insecurities. Believe me, I do. But in time either something will develop or it won't. A lot of us are too impatient to let things unfold. We want crisp black and white answers but dating, especially at the beginning, is not like that. He might not believe that you and he have an understanding to be exclusive so if he's dating others (which he said he is not) he's not necessarily being a jerk. If you can tolerate the uncertainty, I say continue to give him a chance. If you can't, then tell him you don't want to see him anymore because it is too vague and sporadic for you. I guess it depends on how much you like him and how much patience you have. Don't feel bad though if you can't take it. Lots of people can't take undercertainty and assume it means they will get hurt so they leave. It's about how much risk you can take.

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He is patient about not sleeping together though. Oh well,

I guess I will give him a few more weeks to see if he pays more

attention to me. He told me he had been on many, first dates,

so, I must be "special", but I guess some people always think

there might me something better and are scared to settle with

one person.

 

Honey, your standards are in the toilet right now. Definitely ask him to define your relationship. If he can't, he's not worth it.

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I like your answer Puddincup. I am impatient because not too long ago I was in a relationship where I waited and waited and waited for commitment so I don't know if I want to go through that again.

This man feels very strongly about taking it slow and "being friends" and "letting things happen naturally". It is just slow to me. You have to spend a certain amount of time together to figure out if you are compatible. There is slow and there is "Iceburg" slow.

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