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The Greatest Barrier to Success is the Fear of Failure


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Sometimes in the midst of our personal struggles, we often look back and reminisce about the times when the world was right and the love of your life was standing right beside you guiding you and encouraging you. Even when times were tough, they were there to offer you a hug or maybe a simple “I love you” from accross the room. Reflecting on positive memories of what once was usually brings a smile to my face but sometimes those memories can linger and you follow those memories to the end. You can be left feeling empty and alone in the blink of an eye. The mind can be your best friend or it can tear you apart if you let it.

 

 

 

I often think of my past loves and the memories we shared together. I can remember the laughter, the silly times we shared and all the intimate moments. I often find myself catching a scent of a fragrance that is so familiar that it carries me back to years ago of a beautiful woman who once loved me and shared her life with me. I can recall the special times. I can still see us dancing slowly together and holding one another close though the music was the beating of our hearts. I can remember the gape of her neck and the soft curve of her back. I remember the way she rubbed her hands through my hair as she pulled me close to her lips…then in an instant it’s gone.

 

 

 

Do I feel sad or lonely? I have my days but I am human. I can voice my opinions on relationships to those I care about though I am sure I am secretly ridiculed due to my single status. Self-image is not about dressing fancy or working out to look your best. It’s about what’s on the inside.

 

 

 

I know we have heard this all our lives yet if we take a deeper look at it, how can you have one without the other? You have often heard me say “You can’t love others unless you love yourself first.” One of the main things I hear people mention after a break up is starting to work out more. We all want to be in shape and look out best but if the inside is in pieces, how is working out going to help you get back together with you? Our own self-image is important because it makes us feel attractive yet even if we looked like the grocery store magazine covers, it won’t bring you love just because you look good.

 

 

 

 

To ever assume someone would not desire you because you are over-weight, nerdy, a geek or introverted is foolish. No matter what you assume, people love you based on the way they feel when they are with you and how you make them feel. Just because you don’t look a certain way or are not ‘the norm’ in terms of everyday society doesn’t mean you are ANY LESS loveable that anyone else that walks this planet. The main reason people assume these foolish things about themselves is because they were made to feel this way by someone who meant a lot to them or even love(d).

 

 

 

Those who are closest to us usually hurt us the most because we felt more open to them and we gave them part of ourselves that friends and possibly family never see. We also trust more when we are with those we love. Being more open allows you to open your heart in ways that you would never do with others because you would not want to come off silly or possibly look foolish because of what you believe, think or feel.

 

 

 

If you have recently gone through a break or divorce, I encourage you to let go of those negative feelings. When I say you are uniquely special, I am not trying to use smoke and mirrors; I am telling you genuinely that you are incredible JUST THE WAY YOU ARE. If you don’t believe me, then you have some work to do.

 

 

 

What makes us believe we are not good enough to find or be loved? The answer is ourselves. Though we may not have the greatest bodies or look like we jumped off a fitness or Cosmo magazine, we are still who we are. We can change anything we want about ourselves if we want just the same as we can do and be anything we want.

 

 

 

The key is that it takes a willingness to try, dedication and the realization that setbacks may occur. You must develop a plan. Without a plan, you will not know how to begin, follow through and finish. I want to be clear when I say that I do not believe that just because a break occurs that you need to change ANYTHING about yourself. I am only basing this thread on those that WANT to make positive changes. I know that I have made substantial changes in my own life and I love who I am and I know you can do the same if you want it badly enough.

 

 

Just because ONE person doesn’t want to see or date you anymore does NOT mean you are “bad”. This has NOTHING to do with your self-image and those that leave you because you look different never really loved you for who you are but rather for what you were.

 

 

 

There is a HUGE difference between the two. Here’s some food for thought. Did you know that at any given moment there are thousands of people looking for someone JUST LIKE YOU? Now, I know what you’re thinking. How do I know right? Well, prove me wrong! How do you NOT know? Maybe it’s that self-doubt creeping in again. What makes someone attractive? What are you attracted to? Why are you attracted to certain types and not others? We could go on and on about this but I prefer to stick to the basics.

 

 

If for whatever reason someone has ever put you down, those words can leave a scar if you let it. Think of it as nails in a fence. For all the hash things said you drive a nail into a fence. Before long you realize you have several nails and you apologize to those you may have hurt. With each apology, you take out a nail. Now, let’s assume all the nails are gone. You assume you have made your wrongs right again but take a look at the fence? Are there not holes or blemishes left behind? Words can be just as damaging. How do you prevent things like this from happening? The truth is you can’t BUT you can repair your heart by taking away the credit of the person who hurt you.

 

 

For example

 

If your ex (or anyone else you care about) has said harsh words about or directly to you, are the words the truth or merely their opinion? If the words cut like a knife and you assume that “if THEY said it , it must be true”..then you lack the self-confidence to challenge their statement(s). Those that are confident typically don’t let it affect them as much as those who lack or put too much faith in words of others.

 

 

 

When we tend to over-analyze the words spoken to us, we tend to find fault in the mere pretence that there MUST be something wrong with us based on what they said. If you over-think a basic statement, who knows what you can come up with in order to satisfy what it is YOU want to prove to yourself. I caution you NOT to do this. The “what did they mean by that” usually tends to be negative in connotation every time. Let it go. The more you try to interpret meaning without hearing it from the source, the more you will in all probability be wrong. Why take that chance? Why make is worse that it possibly already is?

 

 

 

Learn that no matter what YOU are in 100% control of you. What someone else says, feels or does is not within your control. Why waste energy and time trying to figure out “why” when you should be asking yourself, “What do I think about that?” If you don’t like it, then your next move should be based on that decision. If you liked it, then the same method is applied. Time is your ally. Use it wisely.

 

 

If you have questions that you would like answered…ask. If someone doesn’t answer or gives you an excuse why they can’t, then walk away. It is harder than I make it out to be but logic tends to kick in after a while and ask “Why would you stay or trust someone that can’t be 100% honest with you?” No matter the memories shared or the time together, you should be respected, honored and loved at ALL costs. Those that settle for “good enough” will only get “good enough”.

 

 

 

Years back, I suffered from the “nice guy” syndrome. I would be the guy that was over sweet because I wanted to be different rather than ordinary but in a good way. What I didn’t know is that my sweetness, like eating too many sweets, tends to always make you sick. UGH! What I was doing was not being who I was. Being sweet came naturally to me but to others, I was too nice, too sweet or too eager to please. In short, I pushed people away because I was too agreeable. I was not a pushover but I was too agreeable.

 

 

 

We learn from our mistakes. I have made plenty in my days but I can openly admit my faults. I have no shame in learning. We all fall, we all find disappointment sometimes. There is nothing wrong with failing UNLESS you choose to sit in self-pity and wallow in your own misery. Those that are having a tough time out there, you are going to be fine. I promise you. Though things didn’t work out the way you hoped, you are not alone. We have all failed a time or two.

 

 

 

The key is to remember to tell yourself its ok to fail as long as you learn the lessons associated with it. Stop putting too much emphasis on what others think about you. In the end, YOU are the one that matters. No one makes your decisions but you. Those that choose to ridicule and to put you down have no business in your life anyway. Do not let someone’s negative words take root in your heart. It serves no purpose. Stand up for what you believe in, know that your opinion DOES matter and accept that if you fail, it’s ok. Get back up, dust yourself off and ride that horse like there is no tomorrow.

 

 

 

 

I wish you well.

 

 

 

 

Your Friend,

 

 

 

SuperDave71

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Honestly, when an ex says something bad about you... Take note at what words were used. Did they called you "crazy"? Most likely it is them that is mentally not right in the head, but because they have too much pride, they will lay that out on you to feel better about themselves.

 

In the end, it's all projection. My ex suffers a lot of Cluster-B Personality disorders while I'm probably the most sane person in the room. >_>

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agreed Dave. It all comes down to being an authentic person and that to me means expressing yourself and being who you are instead of who you want people to think you are. I have been a people pleaser most of my life, but i know that people pleasing or being 'sweet' as you call it, is not a very authentic quality. It's just as manipulative as those who are abusive, but just not as obvious. when we contort ourselves for the sake of winning approval from others, we are not being authentic and we will make ourselves sick in the process.

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we need to have set our boundries so if our SO says or does something that crosses them boundries then we must love ourselves enough to say enough - i love you but i love me more

 

in this recent split i called him out on the things that hurt me, which hurt him, and i also admitted my own faults, and said i would work on them, and apologised. In this case that wasnt enough for him, but enough for me to go and do something about me. I do feel tho that there have been just too many scars for me to ever completely heal..

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  • 2 months later...

well i think working out isn't necessarily about the outer image, it has a lot to do with your inside too. remember the saying "a healthy body is a healthy mind".

it just happens to come in a 2 for 1 package, you look more atractive and feel better too, it doesn't have to be hitting the wieghts or just running, you can also do something like a sport or yoga.

 

i know that when i feel stressed/mad/etc if i start to run it blurs all thoughs feelings out, and i'll feel a lot better by the end of the run

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  • 1 month later...

Bump again... I've come to realize that for me, happiness comes from accomplishment. In other words, set a goal and find a way to make it occur. I've got some nice plans and goals for the end of the year/beginning of next year and WHEN I get there, I'll be one happy dude, single or no.

 

Though she didn't know it I gave her too much power and control over my emotions and happiness. Even anger directed at her counts.. cannot waste too much energy on something that doesn't exist anymore. Whatever the future holds I will be in a good place.

 

Really good stuff SuperDave..

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  • 2 years later...

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