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Please help me understand


lostwife

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After being married for twentytwo years,my husband tells me out of the blue he is tired of my dogs,and he is digusted by the twenty pounds I've put on over the years. A month prior to this he made love to me and told me how much he loved me. He is now allready filed for divorce and wants me out of his life as soon as possible. This has all happened over a six week period. We have three children and two grandchildren. My two older children are out of the house and my son is still at home. In my state there is a six month waiting period if you have a child under 18. My husband has started displaying all the signs of cheating,I can't touch his cell phone,he doesen't come home till all hours of the night,he takes off every weekend and so on. Now he has started telling me he never loved me and has just stayed out of guilt. He brings up every fight we have ever had and reminds me of the hurtful things I said to him,funny how he forgets the things he said to me. Can anyone give me some advice? What did I do to deserve this? My children are furious with him and don't understand this hateful behavior. He is 43 I am 42 could it be a midlife crisis or possibly like I think an affair? Any advice would be very appreciated. Thank you.

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He is absolutely having an affair. If I were a gambling man, I'd empty out half of my bank account right now and place the best at 1 to 5 odds.

 

I am very, very sorry to hear that you're going through this right now. It will take years to heal. The good news is that, although it won't seem so at first and for awhile to come, you actually will heal. And when you do, you will be happier, healthier, and more full of life then you've been in a long, long time. Realizing that you're capable of being on your own and standing on your own two feet with no one else's help is about the most wonderful, liberating experience anyone can achieve.

 

You won't see it now, but you are being given a gift my friend. This man's presence in your life is not what you need even though it's soooo hard to fathom that that's true.

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I am sorry you are going through this. It's really hard to tell what is going on with him from your post but the fact that he hides his phone and is taking off all the time is worrying and could point to cheating.

 

Is he still affectionate to you at all? How long has this been going on?

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He is having an affair and trying to justify his wrong-doing by painting you in a very bad light. That is what many people do to their partner when they are cheating on the partner. Portraying the partner as some horrible person and the marriage as always bad is the way they can justify to themselves that they are right to cheat. The guy is off his rocker. Make sure to protect yourself financially. One day his life will come crashing down when this new relationship loses its lustre..and then he will be kicking himself for throwing away his wife and making his children lose complete respect for him. He will end up on the outside looking in.

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I am pretty sure that I would take that bet also. You told me the same thing many other people in my life have,I in the end will be happier. I wish I could see that far ahead and get past all this pain. His family and mine are all so devastated by this. God above and everyone that knows us knows I've been a good wife and mother, I sacraficed everything to be a stay at home mom and wife. His own father is so mad at him he gave me money for my own lawyer. Its only been six weeks sense the start of all this so I am trying to wake from this nightmare and get a grip,but it is difficult.

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I am pretty sure that I would take that bet also. You told me the same thing many other people in my life have,I in the end will be happier. I wish I could see that far ahead and get past all this pain. His family and mine are all so devastated by this. God above and everyone that knows us knows I've been a good wife and mother, I sacraficed everything to be a stay at home mom and wife. His own father is so mad at him he gave me money for my own lawyer. Its only been six weeks sense the start of all this so I am trying to wake from this nightmare and get a grip,but it is difficult.

 

He has even alienated is parents who are on your side..that's how totally messed up your soon to be ex is. One day he will wonder what in the world he was thinking as he is now totally destroying his life.

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I'd see a lawyer and get him out of the house. No reason to have your nose rubbed into misery for his convenience. Separation is not divorce, and no state can prevent you from filing a separation to protect yourself financially from him today. (In most cases, legal separation prevents a spouse from imposing any further debt on the other--and if he's cheating, he could be racking up a lot of expenses.)

 

My heart goes out to you.

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I am so terribly sorry this is happening to you. He is going to end up alone with no wife, kids or his own family....he sounds out of control.

 

Your first priority is to protect yourself and kids - please take your father-in-law's money and go see a lawyer ASAP. Find out what your options are and protect yourself financially.

 

Please take care of yourself.

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