seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I just called him. He's dating a new girl....same one he developed feelings for. Why did I call him? Why did I break NC? I feel so low and stupid. Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'm sorry.. Hang in there, things will eventually get better. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 Tried to do damage control. Sent a text saying: "I just want to know why you couldn't tell me straight that you ended it with me to be with her. I mean, I'm moving on, I don't love you anymore, but it cuts me deep that you couldn't be honest with me." Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Oh seriously I think I have you WAY beat on stupid! LOL! I did far worse to one I once loved. Interesting thing though is that I moved on and have a wonderful man in my life that I have a great future with... and well the ex who tormented my soul??? He's alone most every night that he doesn't have his kids... he gets to be the one to wonder what went wrong now! ;-) Its tough... its painful... so what you called? Take a deep breath and do your best to put him out of your thoughts for a short while... just even 5min. Next time call a friend for coffee or someone who you haven't spoken to in awhile to catch up. Its a good distraction. Peace and Love Link to comment
Jd1983 Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Do not contact him anymore. You know the type of person he is, and this is not the same person you fell in love with. I know it's hard, but you have to learn to let it go. Time heals all pain. By remaining to get in contact with him, it will only leave you back in square one. Link to comment
UltimateX Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Wings, Don't feel stupid. You were following your heart. I can't even tell you over the last three years, how many times I have done something that I considered stupid concerning my ex's. Healing is a long road and sometimes we need to be hit with harsh reality so we may move on. Take this time for you and only you. Understand that he missed out on someone that truly loved him. It was his loss not yours. X Link to comment
DN Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Well, I read your previous threads and you were the one who wanted a break. Even though he may have agreed doing that can cause tremendous damage and make a relationship unsaleable. It seems that is what happened here. He may have moved to someone else more quickly that others but he does have the right to pursue his own happiness in the way that makes sense to him provided that he didn't cheat on you. I am not trying to be unsympathetic because I am sure you are hurting - but putting all the blame on him for the end of the relationship will not serve you in either getting over him or in future relationships. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Be honest with yourself that sending the text for "damage control" was your response to your anxiety. It means nothing to him if he moved on - you just end up being the one trying to stay connected and will feel worse for it. Take it minute by minute, hour by hour of not contacting him and stay strong. Remind yourself that he broke up with you, he let a good thing go and it is his loss and your gain. Don't give any more of the power to him by contacting him and texting him. Forgive yourself that you did and move forward. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 I know, I just can't understand how you can move on and spin lines to me that you want to get back together with me. I can't understand how he could lie to my face, which is ultimately what's upsetting me now. Not that he broke it off, but that he lied to me over and over. I might be wrong, but break or not, I think I deserve better than that. Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 i think a lot of times the person who has moved on is not going to tell you that they have, unless they are cruel or you push them to the limit. look at what it has done to you. it wouldn't have been any better for you if they had been standing in your face and told you the hard truth. besides, someone who isn't "yours" anymore owes you no explanation for their love life. that is just the flat out truth. Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 Instead of looking for the answers to the unanswered questions, let them go and move on. I have found that when I push for answers, they either A. don't make me feel any better, B. Only cause me to come up with new questions (rinse, repeat) or C. aren't what I was looking for. Then there is D. aren't valid and just told me what I wanted to hear to get me to stop pushing for an answer. Sometimes they don't know or can't put it into words either. A lot of actions are based on feelings or emotions. That is why limiting contact or going NC can work in your favor - when those feelings or emotions subside, they no longer remember what it was that caused them to do what they did. They realize things weren't so bad and then they reach back out to you. It then depends on on where you are at and what you want. If you are looking for reconciliation - your best shot at it is for them to make the move to undo the one that pulled you apart. Link to comment
jimmajam Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 You broke NC because you have a heart, feelings and emotions. Don't sweat it. Now you know he has a new girl whether it will last or not, battle the thought of him being with someone else, accept it and heal. Don't take NC so seriously. If you break it and don't like the result, go back to it. If you break it again and again don't like the result...back to it. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 Thanks everyone. I feel like I'm insane. I hate myself right now. It's true that he is no longer my business. I told him in the text we don't exist to each other anymore and that I won't contact him again. I feel like the crazy ex and I hate myself right now. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 Should I feel like the crazy ex? I called to get answers, and now I know there are none. I am not contacting him anymore. Everyone slips up, right? Link to comment
shessofly Posted February 3, 2010 Share Posted February 3, 2010 you can't take back what's been done. just move forward from here. most people who are heartbroken have been in this exact same position at some point. some have even done worse. you are not crazy. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 3, 2010 Author Share Posted February 3, 2010 I'm trying to move forward. How do I continue to let go? I haven't been heartbroken in a long time. The mind forgets what you go through. Link to comment
KJones1 Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 Hey Seizeyourwings, You aren't stupid or anything. You are a just a human being and you are reeling after trauma. You have a heart and you cared for someone and wanted to let them know. But past is gone forever and things will never be the same again. But the future is yours. Just look forward now because whatever there was behind you is gone and there is nothing to see. Take a deep breath. Ride these tough emotions out and they will smooth over one day and you are going to meet someone who is ten times better in all ways. How do I know this? Well, there are 6 billion people on Earth and there are probably 1000 or more of those people who are perfect for you Link to comment
danix0x0x0 Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 of course everyone slips up... its only natural and dont.. for gods sake dont feel guilty for doing so. ive broken up from my ex 6 months now and he found someone only a month after we split. oh and we split cus he had a one night stand with my friend because i wanted to move out of his as i felt the pressure of living with him and his mate too much and being a student nurse, basically i needed space but he decided to "punish" me.. So even after all that i still called him, texted him, even asked him back but he refused not cus he didnt want to get back with me but he wanted to learn froem his mistakes and grow but as far as im concerned you cant do that when ure trying to get serious with someone... yep thats right he wants to get serious with her already All i know is that we will come out better and stronger cus we are going through the motions of healing and not taking the easy way out which i think in the long run will come back to bite him in the ass! keep strong and believe that you will get through this but do it on your own but by all means have some fun and flirt but dont look for someone to save you, you have to do that on your own first and believe me we will be better for it, i promise. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Thanks so much guys. I was having a talk with my mom, and I kinda realized that I've been trying to put blame on him as a way to move on. I am being immature and approaching this the wrong way (like DN said...but sometimes things just have to smack you over the head for you to realize them)! We're not in grade school anymore. There is no blame. If it was meant to be, it would've been. I felt something was wrong in my gut, like puking-shaking-paralyzed-wrong, and I couldn't let it just stew. That's not me....I can't let someone just go along like that. I did what I did, and I had a reason, even if it might not seem clear now. I can only move on and learn from this. I built my whole life around him, and it came crumbling down, but there's a wonderful song that says "dear me, you should know that you can’t see just how good that it will be in the end." I know it's gonna be a lonnnng road, and that these feelings are gonna keep at me. I have depression as well, so sometimes it seems like I've fallen in a pit. But it's not like I'm terminally ill or have lost everything. I have every reason to live. I think I'm going to go to a counselor or something. Link to comment
seizeyourwings Posted February 4, 2010 Author Share Posted February 4, 2010 Also, something someone said: "Adversity is a gift." A pain in my ass one, but I'll accept it gracefully. Link to comment
danix0x0x0 Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 do whatever you can to not go through this alone, go to the counselling! I also have depression and its like an empty feeling inside you, i also had everything, i built my world around him too and it just disappeared just like that! Nothing has changed for him, he is still in his flat where i once lived with him, still has his same friends, the only difference is he has got a new girlfriend but for me i moved away for a while just a break and be with family but now ive returned to his town but i dont care if he lives in the same town as me, im going to prove to him im not that dependant girl any more i can stand on my own two feet and make decisions in my life without his influence or anyone else's. Life is way too short, i just got news from home that my family friend's baby of three years died from bacterial meningitis... just three years old and its left devistation in their life now and they will have to live with that for the rest of their lives and here i am crying over a guy... there are so much more things going on around us and i know what you are going through is like grieving but just think if they can get over the loss of their child we most definitely get over the loss of our ex who is still out there with their new girlfriend. They are not dead but they are just there living life like we should be doing to the best of our ability. i hope im helping you with my words lol Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 We ALL make mistakes. If we didn't, we wouldn't learn from them. I would venture to guess that everyone providing their perspective, advice or insight is through their "mistakes" or experiences and what they learned from them. Otherwise, how would we know...... Try not to beat yourself up. Recognize it for what it is. Accept it. Forgive yourself and move forward. One step at a time. You will get there. And there will be backslides......It is not a true linear path to heal from the emotional pain. Just as there is not a pill to take that dulls or removes the emotional pain that relationships cause us (before, during or after). Hang in there.....you are moving in the right direction. Remember to give yourself some credit too! Link to comment
fLuiD Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 This might be tough, but I think you are going to have to start to learn to accept the fact that you are not going to get some of your questions answered. At least not from him. As tough as it is, let it be, and work on yourself. Establish NC once again, and don't worry so much about why he did this and why he did that. It doesn't matter anymore because it really isn't going to change anything. You now know the type of person he is, and there isn't much you can do... Link to comment
learning2relax Posted February 4, 2010 Share Posted February 4, 2010 This might be tough, but I think you are going to have to start to learn to accept the fact that you are not going to get some of your questions answered. At least not from him. As tough as it is, let it be, and work on yourself. Establish NC once again, and don't worry so much about why he did this and why he did that. It doesn't matter anymore because it really isn't going to change anything. You now know the type of person he is, and there isn't much you can do... Well stated. Link to comment
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