at a point of stalemate

[sickoflosing]

so ive been racking my brains out here since last night. where i have to tread lightly or risk the chance of blowing it all. at the same time im at the point of giving up completely.

 

my stupid ex wont return my things.. ive been tempted to contact the police as a drastic measure..a last resort. ive also thought of calling up her parents and telling them the deal.

 

its not like i can get ahold of her personally she changed her number..any attempt of email ..denied or changed. blocked on facebook. and she dont go on myspace but its still all about me. the myspace things is right making me angry.

 

i feel that if she doenst want a damn thing to do with me at all then she should return my things. i mean what kind of ex that trying to get over you keeps baby pics of you or a ring that she said she was returning. and worst of all why keep my grandparents laminated obituaries? yea theres other stuff too..

 

she also knows that i want to see our dog..erm her dog now..grrrrrr. now i am waiting to hear if i will ever see him again. she said she has my number..and now i think shes is with that guy cause she hasnt called my cell but my mothers phone.. hmm that seems right sneeky. she hasnt called sunce that last time i met with her in person.

 

at times i want to be like ya know what.. i dont care about you at all or to hear from you again now gime my stuff and im goin to give all the gifts u gave me back. but i cant even be able to do that. i could try telling her best friend she reads what i write to her but doesnt respond.

 

im at the point where i am so angry that im afraid i wont be able to control it much longer. just appearing over to her house is not an option cuz she lives with her parents now. i been thinking along the lines of sending a letter to or calling her parents.

 

now i know actions speak louder then words and she is trying to get over me. and that she is very angry at me..who knows why.

 

one other thing that is buggin me is when i saw her i mentioned that in the future id be open to a possible reconciliation. wether i want to anymore or not im pretty sure i dont.

 

but she said not right now(well duh) and that she doesnt know the future. she didnt say no yes or never as a definite. i feel as though she is stringin me along..because of how we both have acted and that she said she will call to let me know what she decides about talking and seeing the dog. and most of you dont think so but i do, because she has my number but i dont have hers. and that she knows she can call me whenever she wants to if she wants to.

 

 

so i guess what i really want to know what to do about is.

 

 

1. how the heck should i go about in getting my things back from her?

 

2. if i want nothing to do with her anymore without doing just NC but getting her to know it. so she knows and not think oh i can go back to him if i want to.

3. what does it really mean to be told "not right now, and she doesnt know the future"..(i get the no for now idea here)

 

4 and if i do want to be able to talk to her in the future and see the dog..what is an acceptable time to wait before knowing it wont happen if she doesnt call? we were together for 4 years and she left me a month ago.

 

5. how long should i expect her to be angry with me for?

 

 

 

sorry bout this angry ranting but im tired of this and i want to move on and work on me. maybe bea able to see the dog. or if not let her know somehow i aint waiting for her

[alli]

I would call her parents and ask them if they can collect your belongings & give them to you. Give them a list- your grandparents' obituaries, your baby pictures & the ring. Try to set up a time & location to meet them to give you the stuff.. say at a coffeeshop at 8pm on thursday next week. Know your schedule so you can set it up right then. If they can't get you the items within a couple weeks, or they don't show up, I would contact them one more time and tell them to tell her that if you don't get your belongings back within a say, 5 days, you will call the police & they will be showing up at their door (well, that is if the police will do that sort of thing... might want to look into that) and follow through.

 

After you get your stuff back, I would consider changing my number as well so she can't contact you anytime she wants, and you will be alleviated of wondering whether or not she is going to call you.

 

You probably won't get to see the dog again, or at the very least, a very small amount. You can't even get ahold of her to get your own stuff back, much less something (someone) that is now hers. I'm sure it sucks. Can you get another dog? Might be nice to have some sort of companionship for you at this time.

[Mustachio]

1. how the heck should i go about in getting my things back from her?

 

2. if i want nothing to do with her anymore without doing just NC but getting her to know it. so she knows and not think oh i can go back to him if i want to.

 

3. what does it really mean to be told "not right now, and she doesnt know the future"..(i get the no for now idea here)

 

4 and if i do want to be able to talk to her in the future and see the dog..what is an acceptable time to wait before knowing it wont happen if she doesnt call? we were together for 4 years and she left me a month ago.

 

5. how long should i expect her to be angry with me for?

 

1. Call her parents, who cares if you think its creepy or in bad taste. Its in worse taste for her to shut you out while she has things that are clearly yours. Get in touch with her or her parents, even schedule a time to stop by at her parents when she isnt there and just get your things. Its not about her or them anymore, its about you and your stuff.

 

2. Dont worry about this one, just go NC and ignore any contact attempts she tries to make, she will figure it out. Make your last attempt at any sort of contact with her parents and do it just to get your stuff back.

 

3. I would guess that she doesnt want to completely let go. She probably wants to make sure she has some sort of fall back if her "new" life doesnt pan out the way she is hoping.

 

4. I wouldnt worry about this one. Right now she doesnt want contact and it seems like you dont either. If or when the time is right for that, one or both of you will find a way to contact the other. The dog, I dont know. Who's dog is it actually? Yours or hers? Because if it was your dog, then its not fair of her to keep it unless you both agreed that she could keep it when you split. Otherwise, get your dog back.

 

5. No answer there. But its irrelevant. Its about your healing and what you need to do to move on, not what she needs to do to get past her anger.

[JohnnyDynamic]

Answers to 1-5: Just let go dude. You know wanting your stuff back is you thinking of a way back in. Its just stuff. Be strong and move on. Your self-esteem is far more valuable than some shirts, a bike, a 5 year old stereo.

[HeartGoesOn]

^^^

I agree with this...

[shessofly]

also cosigning with Johnny. yes I understand there are pictures involved too, but at some point you've got to lay it to rest. it's not the end of the world. yes, i have lost things that were precious to me too and i did survive.

 

1. what Alli said. I know you don't like Johnny's suggestion, so this would be option #2.

2. she's blocked you from communicating with her. not likely that she would be upset at this point if you tell her you don't want to communicate with her. changing your number would be a good idea, if you want to get your point accross? idk...i guess this is more for your peace of mind than hers.

3. don't even take this seriously. she probably knew you couldn't handle the truth.

4. best to give up the idea of seeing the dog. pretty sure the last thing on her mind is getting with you to visit the dog. she probably sees it as an excuse for you to get to her.

5. let this one go.

 

she has blocked you from all forms of communication - this is a huge signal for you to let go. i understand the breakup is still fresh but you trying to force communication on her and force her to let you see the dog and force her to take your stuff back and force her to give you your stuff back isn't going to make things any better for you. if anything it will increase her resentment and make you look extremely pathetic (in her eyes). it's not realistic to believe that you will be able to see that dog. maybe you should get a new dog. this is usually what people do when a pet dies - this, in essence, is the same thing.

[sickoflosing]

its simple ..i dont want her to have anything that is mine. no excuse to try putting it over my head in the future

 

hm we agreed for years to let the other see the dog if something happened. we got him together

 

funny she very well knows i can handle any truth.

 

dont see any forced communication here

[shessofly]

then call the police. let them handle it. otherwise you can't control what she does with your stuff.

[HeartGoesOn]

its simple ..i dont want her to have anything that is mine. no excuse to try putting it over my head in the future

 

hm we agreed for years to let the other see the dog if something happened. we got him together

 

funny she very well knows i can handle any truth.

 

dont see any forced communication here

 

Let's face it, even if she does return those items, you would think of another reason to contact her, and this would go on and on with no end.

 

You have to accept the fact that this is a breakup, and let go. If she decides to contact you in the future, she knows where to find you.

[sickoflosing]

w*t*f i dont understand why everyone is always assuming the same old bs. why cant you all face it i want my things and she can be gone for good. simple

[shessofly]

its simple ..i dont want her to have anything that is mine. no excuse to try putting it over my head in the future

 

hm we agreed for years to let the other see the dog if something happened. we got him together

 

funny she very well knows i can handle any truth.

 

dont see any forced communication here

 

people say all kinds of things when they are together. doesn't mean it will happen. hmmm...my ex said he'd never leave me. he said he'd love me forever. he said he'd never cheat on me. he said he'd never do anything to hurt me. he said no matter what our problems were he would do everything in his power to resolve it, and on and on and on. it is your choice to continue to hold on to this.

 

most people don't plan on hurting their significant other at the time all the promises are made.

 

the longer i held onto broken promises the worse off i was.

[alli]

w*t*f i dont understand why everyone is always assuming the same old bs. why cant you all face it i want my things and she can be gone for good. simple

 

That's what I was going off of! I would want MY ring, MY pictures & the obituaries on MY grandparents back, too. I don't see why in the world she would want any of those anyway, except of course for the monetary value of the ring.

 

When I broke up with my ex, I wanted my Garfield pillow back. That wasn't about wanting to see him, it was about my stuff & that I wanted it!!

 

Do you still have anything of hers? You could offer her a trade, and exchange each other's belongings at the same time. I gave my ex back his minifridge in order to get my stuff back. He even gave me back stuff that I gave him as gifts that I didn't even ask for back. Well, whatever. That was many years ago.

[sickoflosing]

well i decided im goin to send a letter to her dad listing what i want back. no need to let this go on any longer

[Clabs]

Fella

 

It seems to me that your head is still all over the place.

 

There has to be a reason why all communication has been cut and maybe this is due to your previous "hardcore" actions. And what were those "hardcore" actions because bro, they sure seem to have worked.

 

Seems to me that your current plan is to shock her into realising that she is losing you.

 

Her anger for you will likely subside, but only when your anger subsides, because otherwise, it will just be more of the same old same old.

 

Have you stopped your really heavy drinking? Because that will get you into trouble the same as before.

 

My advice would be to step back from this and give yourself some time to get your emotions in check. Your breakup is too recent and you are both still hurting.

 

Why not put off writing to her father for a little while? If you give this some time, that might not be necessary and you may be able to communicate with her again. To get your stuff back - to see the dawg - who knows. But do be realistic - it sounds like so much damage has been caused to the pair of you.

 

What do you think?

 

Mark

[squirl]

I agree with Clabs.

 

 

im at the point where i am so angry that im afraid i wont be able to control it much longer.

 

Not sure what you're threatening here. How about cooling off for a while and sleeping on the letter a couple of days. None of that stuff is perishable.

[seizeyourwings]

I feel a little weird offering relationship advice seeing as mine failed, but I do know one thing for sure: acting out of anger is rarely, if ever, a good thing. Like squirl said, sleep on it.

[bish0p2004]

 

 

1. how the heck should i go about in getting my things back from her?

 

2. if i want nothing to do with her anymore without doing just NC but getting her to know it. so she knows and not think oh i can go back to him if i want to.

3. what does it really mean to be told "not right now, and she doesnt know the future"..(i get the no for now idea here)

 

4 and if i do want to be able to talk to her in the future and see the dog..what is an acceptable time to wait before knowing it wont happen if she doesnt call? we were together for 4 years and she left me a month ago.

 

5. how long should i expect her to be angry with me for?

 

1. Call her parents. I know what you are going through with this as I would like to get my stuff back as well. I gave her a lot of my furniture the first time I broke up with her, but she has never offered to give it back except a few weeks ago. When I told her I wanted it, she said that she was going to keep it.

 

2. As others have said, don't worry about this...NC will speak volumes.

 

3. This means that she is searching for something better. If she doesn't find something better, she will try and come back to you.

 

4. Whenever you are healed and no longer worried about trivial things such as how much time should I wait and so on. Of course, you should respect the time that she wants as well.

 

5. Not your problem. She'll get over it when she gets over it.