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Very Upset, Need To Vent

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I did a thread recently titled “Friendless” this new thread sort of connects with that one but I had some different stuff that I wanted to share and put into a new thread...


My best friend of 11 years or so rarely talks to me anymore, if at all. The last time I seen him was yesterday at work and he came to buy juice, we said hi and that was it. He rarely bothers to hang out with me anymore I am beginning to think that he looks at our friendship as more convenience to him then a friendship.


We were best friends, hung out all the time, we did have times where we did not hang out a lot, but still kept in contact. Personally I don’t need daily contact, but when we got 5 plus days of not speaking or even talking on MSN its weird. He lives in the same town as me, hes like a 5 minute drive from me....


He use to ask me to come over all the time and such and now never ask. Recently I tried to ask him to hang out and the first time he decided to have other plans with someone else last minute. The second time I told I had to eat first and supper was not ready yet, well because it took me an hour to get back to him he decided that he was going to drive down to my parents place and pickup my sister for they could get drunk instead. What bothers me about that is he said “I will be here, just message” well I came back and he said how he forgot about me and stuff, I’m sorry but that’s not that great of excuse. Its quite clear that he wanted to hang out with her for the drinking purpose. I will be honest, I hardly drink so maybe that makes me no fun.


A lot of the time he doesn’t speak to me unless he wants something, like recently he asked me to work yesterday and today for him. Yesterday because he was suppose to move and today because its his granmps birthday. Ok fine... Well yesterday he found out he was not moving but he told me he wasn’t changing the schedule and that I had to work his days, honestly I didn’t care because I will be getting 38 hours out of it...


Around the end of January I was going to visit my parents and me and him were going to go. He told my sister she could stay at the apt alone but randomly says to his boyfriend “Well you can come to for the day” Not a big deal, however it is my car and I do not like people just deciding that they can invite whoever they want, not to mention my back doors don’t work, so... It’s a hassle driving with more than 2 people in the car. To me though this was all a convenience for him and that was it.


Monday night he worked and I went in and talked to him for an over an hour. During the conversation I told him exactly how I felt about how we don’t seem to be friends and never do anything anymore. His response was because my sister lives there now he just hangs with her because its easier, and then he pointed out how for a long time I was not hanging out with him. Which was because of depression.


I have been through a lot with this guy, and I do want to reamain friends but sometimes I resent him over just stupid things. For example he owes probably 10,000 or more dollars to people and stuff like cable, credit cards, etc... He owes money to me as well, and he has yet to pay any back. I understand he makes hardly any money but he makes no effort what so ever, so it bugs me, mainly because he has owed me money for 2+ years... I guess the fact that he just throws money around bugs me. He doesn’t make much more than me, so its weird.... I think its clear we have little in common, we were close mostly because we could talk now we don’t have that. Ever since my boyfriend has been laid off he was there for me but now he is not.


I can’t even have a serious conversation with him through MSN without him changing the subject or going offline or taking 10+ minutes to reply.


He hangs out with a bigger group of friends that go bar hopping, and he drinks nearly every night as does my sister.... So I think this is factoring into our friendship being not there to. He has a bigger better group of friends and such.


In a way it might be good this is happening, he can be a real arrogant, manipulative person when he wants to be....


I wanted to vent more then anything, I have no one to talk to about anything and the other friends I am trying to keep in touch with do not speak to me, so I am at a loss...


I am depressed and heartbroken, my only close friend seems to be my boyfriend

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Yeah, it's a bad feeling when someone seems to be drifting away or using you. The fact that this individual borrows a lot of money and never pays people back is a bad sign and it's probably best to move on and distance yourself. I worked with a few guys like that over the years and they always seemed to end up getting into some serious trouble. Starts out small, escalates.


Some of your other descriptions of him are pretty telling as well. The comment about how he can be arrogant and manipulative, the frequent drinking. He certainly sounds like someone that uses others. Hanging out and drinking with other people is not always about friendship, it's a type of misery loves company deal. He probably isn't too emotionally invested with those other friends either, he just doesn't want to drink alone.


I've been dealing with a friend growing cold to me as well. We've been friends for at least 5 years. There were times where we really could finish each other's sentences and we could drag out an inside joke for quite a while. But lately I feel like I'm talking to myself when I'm talking to them. I get very short replies and I just get that vibe that things have changed.


The thing that bothers me about it is that we pretty much met through being in similar circumstances and have supported each other through some of the things life threw at us over the last few years. And now their life is back on track and they are making new friends and getting out of their funk which I guess makes talking to me seem less appealing. I just can't help feeling like I'm the toy that gets pulled out of the box on a rainy day and once the sun comes back out I'm left on the floor as they dash outside to play. Like I'm some sort of temporary entertainment.


It's at the point where I'm seriously contemplating removing them from my Facebook friend's list just so I don't have to see them make periodic efforts to keep in touch. I'd rather be dropped completely than to get the occasional "hey" when they get bored.


Plus they've lied to me in the past and that still bothers me. I think I was just stuck on the idea that they were a friend I wanted to have even though other people would have stopped giving them more chances long ago. Guess I was in denial.

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