Perplexing problem with friend's wife.

[Budman]

Recently we're having an issue with my friend's wife. My friend and his wife have started playing a game where me and my wife play. Recently it has come to my attention and My wife's attention that it is rather Odd that his wife keeps talking to me constantly (and does not talk to my wife at all.) Of course I do find this rather odd as well considering that unless I bring up my wife she will not discuss her at all.

 

It is kind of causing an issue between me and my wife because she gets angry every time his wife talks to me and not her. Both of us feel at this time that she is in a sense making inappropriate advances. I've told her honestly she comes first, but if at all possible I wold like to keep my friendship with my friend (the guy).

 

In his relationship she dominates him completely. He can't hang out with friends she doesn't like and has to be where he is at all times. She's a very selfish person whom tries to always get her way at least so it seems.

 

What can I do to still stay friends with my friend, and not cause problems with my wife, and try to avoid having (his wife) cause issues between me and him? My wife has no issues with My friend (just his wife)

 

Forgive the long post. Any help would be appreciated.

 

So far I just constantly bring up my wife, and try to limit my talking to his wife, but it still causes hurt feelings (with my wife).

[ohemgee]

You sure this isn't your wifes paranoia?

[Sanesoul]

I think your wife is overreacting and her jealousy is coming out. You obviously don't have feelings for this woman, so your wife has no reason to be upset.

 

If you feel uncomfortable, then you need to talk to this woman specifically about it. You might end up in some drama with your friend, but it's the risk you take.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

In his relationship she dominates him completely. He can't hang out with friends she doesn't like and has to be where he is at all times. She's a very selfish person whom tries to always get her way at least so it seems.

 

I don't think the wife is putting the moves on you...I think she simply wants to be in control of everyone and the entire situation. She treats her husband like a non-entity so by ignoring him and simply talking to you she keeps her husband in the one-down role where he can't even converse with you because she is doing it for him. This is about her keeping her husband down and not allowing him to have any friends.

[BellaDonna]

What can I do to still stay friends with my friend, and not cause problems with my wife, and try to avoid having (his wife) cause issues between me and him? My wife has no issues with My friend (just his wife)

 

 

I'd say that the easiest way to get around this would be to hang out with your friend without bringing your spouses, at all.

 

My husband has a friend whose wife is extrememly inappropriate, especially when she drinks. (One time she flashed a breast while we were out with them- AT MY HUSBAND- in public ) Needless to say I decided that day to never be around her again. My husband only sees his friend when he leaves his wife at home.

 

It is kind of causing an issue between me and my wife because she gets angry every time his wife talks to me and not her.

 

Obviously your situation is more subtle. Assuming your wife isn't the jealous type, I'd say that there is probably something to her concern. It's not really normal for 2 couples to get together to hang out and have one wife ignore the other. Maybe she is attracted to you or maybe she doesn't like your wife for some reason. Either way, IMO it's not worth the hassle. If I were you'd I'd hang out with my friend without spouses.

 

I tend to believe that people do have some intuition: for example, if someone is a negative force, they can sense it. Is your wife the jealous type? -To me that makes a big difference when trying to figure out what to do in this situation.

[lostandhurt]

Speaking from experience I can tell you that she may be either trying to make her husband jealous or is try to see if you are interested. I have been on the receiving end of this a few times. In the end it doesn't matter as it makes your wife uncomfortable and I don't blame her. If this woman is that dominating then it isn't to far fetched that she would have no problem using you in some way.

Put yourself in your wives shoes and think how you would feel if one of your buddies was talking her up all the time when you weren't around.

The way I took care of it was to 1. keep my distance. 2. stay close to my friend and

3. be very clear that I am not interested in have long conversations with them.

If the only way you can see your buddy is when his wife is there and your wife isn't very found of her there isn't much you can do. Your wife comes first always. Relationships are hard enough without this kind of thing causing hurt feelings.

 

Lost

[25thfloor]

i can't stand women like that...they only talk to my BF and not to me. it's simple game playing....i would stop the interaction with the couple and only meet my friend when she wasn't around. who needs that crap and drama?

[Budman]

To give more details. When we all hang out she does not ignore my wife, she talks to her and "makes plans" but never follows through with them with her.

 

Overall my wife hasn't been a "jealous type" as I've had women friends in the past and she didn't freak out with them. In fact this is the only woman she has been really angry about the interactions.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

To give more details. When we all hang out she does not ignore my wife, she talks to her and "makes plans" but never follows through with them with her.

 

Overall my wife hasn't been a "jealous type" as I've had women friends in the past and she didn't freak out with them. In fact this is the only woman she has been really angry about the interactions.

 

I think this has more to do with her controlling behaviour. Makes plans and doesn't follow through..that's part of control...does she work? does he have children? I bet she is a control freak in every aspect of her life and to everyone she is with.