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You're a good person but I don't want to be with you.


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I've been nothing but nice to my ex. I cooked, cleaned and make sure his clothes are ironed over the weekend. I tried very hard to be friends with his mates although there's a language barrier. Same to his family who doesn't speak a word in English. His mon likes me and so did the rest of his approchable friends. I tried ! He doesn't want a gf that can keep a household clean, he's very indepandant.

 

I didn't have a job ( foreign country) , got a foreign language diploma ..spend my days trying to figure out what I want in life (my default). My ex is very sucessful, he owns a company and can afford everything that he wants. When we went to company function, I dont enjoy myself, I'm very shy and I always feel like I'm not good enough for my ex. He's ambitious, good job and friends. I have nothing but him in a foreign land.

 

I asked him a couple weeks ago if there's anything bad about me ? He replied " No honestly I don't see anything bad about you, you're the most devoted loving gf I ever had" but I don't want you anymore.

 

I have no idea he's just trying to make me feel good or lessen his guilt?

 

I know we're not match made in heaven, we both tried very hard but things just doesn't work out.... =(. We're not in talking terms which makes it worst. I need him, so many things I want to tell him, just as a friend. He told me it's akward to be friends right now.

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I think you're in a very difficult situation of emotional attachment to your ex due to your circumstances. You really need time to find yourself, and try to remove this attachment you have to your ex because of being in a foreign country. I can see where you are coming from, since I've lived in three different foreign countries and I know how difficult it is for you, but this will help you in the longterm.

 

I've also lived in Austria for seven years, and I think the country he comes from might be a factor, although I'm not sure. European men and Europeans are quite different from those from the UK/US. The specific country helps because Europeans are quite diverse in terms of temperament.

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I think you're in a very difficult situation of emotional attachment to your ex due to your circumstances. You really need time to find yourself, and try to remove this attachment you have to your ex because of being in a foreign country. I can see where you are coming from, since I've lived in three different foreign countries and I know how difficult it is for you, but this will help you in the longterm.

 

I've also lived in Austria for seven years, and I think the country he comes from might be a factor, although I'm not sure. European men and Europeans are quite different from those from the UK/US. The specific country helps because Europeans are quite diverse in terms of temperament.

 

 

He's from France.

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Like girls..he could be looking after a girl whos more of a bad girl, or more fun and exciting, and he could be looking for someone in the same country as him.

 

I agree. My ex is a homeboy, as far I'm concered he doesn't really like wild kind of girls. He prefer the girl next door. We had fun, but very different interest =(

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Do you think you were too passive - too "yes dear" to whatever he wanted without expressing your own needs/wants? Doormats are not a turn on and it's not "nice" to do everything for someone else but not let that person do things for you, too - people like to feel balanced in a relationship - that is people who are mature and want a healthy relationship. Some people prefer a challenging discussion that makes them stretch their mind/perspective rather than coming home to a clean house and delicious smells from the oven (of course, both is nice too!).

 

This doesn't mean he wants a bad girl type or that he didn't appreciate what you did for him - you two just didn't click on a romantic/chemistry level enough for him and the things you did for him didn't make up for that. Would you really want him to stay because you cater to him? Don't you want someone that wants you - as a person, not just because of what you do for them?

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OP you are to good for him, and you seem like a very sweet and devoted girlfriend. Its his loss, sounds like his success got to his head. He is going to realize his mistake someday and regret it big time.

 

This!

 

The best thing you can do right now is LIVE your life to its FULLEST.

 

I know its hard- especially because of your circumstances, but you have to take small baby steps.

 

It does sound like its his loss, because I can already tell you're an extremely intelligent girl, who speaks three languages, loves to travel, and is so loving and compassionate. And that's just from this one post.

 

You are a catch in my book

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I totally agree with you. I didn't express my feelings well towards my ex, I just want to make him happy and lost myself in the relationship. He was sad that when he's back ( after a long stressful day of work ) I was there cooking and making him dinner.. he feels like we can't share anything with me ( not worried about life,money etc).

 

I know I wanted to do everything, that's when the spark wore off. He suggested us going out for dinner or movies.. but I didnt want to because we have nothing to talk about and he was not affectionate with me. I realised I wasn't good enough for him, that's when I started to pull away.

 

I don't live up his standards, we had nothing to say to each other.

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This!

 

The best thing you can do right now is LIVE your life to its FULLEST.

 

I know its hard- especially because of your circumstances, but you have to take small baby steps.

 

It does sound like its his loss, because I can already tell you're an extremely intelligent girl, who speaks three languages, loves to travel, and is so loving and compassionate. And that's just from this one post.

 

You are a catch in my book

 

is that a date ?

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I totally agree with you. I didn't express my feelings well towards my ex, I just want to make him happy and lost myself in the relationship. He was sad that when he's back ( after a long stressful day of work ) I was there cooking and making him dinner.. he feels like we can't share anything with me ( not worried about life,money etc).

 

I know I wanted to do everything, that's when the spark wore off. He suggested us going out for dinner or movies.. but I didnt want to because we have nothing to talk about and he was not affectionate with me. I realised I wasn't good enough for him, that's when I started to pull away.

 

I don't live up his standards, we had nothing to say to each other.

 

I don't think it's about standards - you just didn't have enough in common and you tried to make up for it by being his cook/cleaning person - and that made his stomach (and his nose) happy when he came home but he also needed a partner, someone he felt he had a connection/rapport with and who he could share with in a meaningful way. Nothing personal - you two just weren't compatible. All the best to you.

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I would suggest stop thinking that you were not good enough for him! This is miserable thinking.

 

You are smart and intelligent enough to understand that if the person is not affectionate with you and can not find anything to talk about with you, it is not a good idea to go for movies or dinner! According to him it was a good idea. Why? I tell you why. Because he was BORED with you and he wanted movie or dinner entertain him a little bit and distract from you. This is his way of solving the problem. He initially didn't want to solve the problem of communication with you by trying to get to know you! And still he wanted you to live with him at some point. I do not see it as a very intelligent way to live.

 

So as a partner he was not good. You understand about relationship a lot more than he does. have he ever expressed interest to YOUR family and try to build a relationship with them? I doubt. It was you coming out of your skin to build some understanding with his friends.

 

So forget the idea that he was too good for you. He was not a good choice. That who he is. He is not a good choice. Repeat it over and over.

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I know that some men need women who challenge them... make them think.

 

I have the dearest guy friend ever who has been chased by a woman with such your credentials. He's a sweet guy and would never take advantage of her and genuinely wanted to be friends but she always wanted more. When she was out of a job he let her move in with him to save money on renting apartment while she looked 6months for new employment. During that time, she cooked wonderfully, cleaned gladfully, got very close and friendly with all his neighbors. She is no doubt a good person and lovely to look at but he could never find attraction for her. He wondered many night if he was really making a mistake because she is a great girl but bottom line is he was never challenged intellectually by her. That was it for him and try as hard as she could to be "good" to him he just wasn't feeling it for her.

 

There will be someone out there who will appreciate your cooking and cleaning and taking such good care of them and love you back for it... don't doubt that just because this guy didn't. Let it be his loss when you find someone who cherishes those qualities.

 

Hugs!

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Thanks everyone. I know that my ex and I are not compatible in many levels. We're just not meant for each other, I accept that. I wish I could still be friends with him, he wants to be friends too ..but like he said it's too early for friendship.

 

I have a little hope but I know in the long run, we'll never be together because of some issues we had. Although things are clear between us, I just don't understand why we can;t be civil to each other. It has been about 3 months, I don't want him back as a lover, just a close friend like he used to be before we got together.

 

I don't hate my ex or blame him for anything. He's a great guy, I cherised the times we had, I care for his well being even I should not.

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I know we're not match made in heaven, we both tried very hard but things just doesn't work out.... =(.

 

This sums it up. Nobody is the bad guy, you both tried, but sometimes...things just don't work out.

 

Often, couples need some time apart after a break-up to become friends. I would respect that and give it some time if you're interested in a friendship with him.

 

In the meantime, try to do something nice for yourself...

 

Take care...

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