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Very Strange Situation


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One of my best friend is dating one of my friends, and recently I've been put in a situation where I don't know what to do. I'm way more loyal to her than to him, he's lost all respect I've had for him for what he's done in the past to women and what he is now doing.

 

She's come to me with issues that she has about him and he has revealed info through my and his friends that is very wrong (Him lying and cheating), like giving her his fathers ring and saying he's never given that to anyone before, even though he has given it to many women, and tonight he is going to be cheating on her with another girl among other lies.

 

The situation I'm in is, do I tell her out of respect for her, or do I not tell her? The fear I have is she'll think I'm lying to separate them because I like her. The main reason I want to tell her is so she doesn't get hurt when their relationship crumbles and I know it will, whether it be next week or next year, it will. Even all my friends who are friends with him have lost all respect for him over this and they say it's not gonna last, it's illegitimate, almost illegal (Age gap). We all work together and all of us are almost at the point of quitting (He's kinda our boss) over this.

 

Any advise?

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I would tell her. If she does think you are lying you could always tell her that you aren't the only one who knows what he is like .... in case she wants some clarification, though you would have to handle that very carefully.

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The situation I'm in is, do I tell her out of respect for her, or do I not tell her? The fear I have is she'll think I'm lying to separate them because I like her. The main reason I want to tell her is so she doesn't get hurt when their relationship crumbles and I know it will, whether it be next week or next year, it will. Even all my friends who are friends with him have lost all respect for him over this and they say it's not gonna last, it's illegitimate, almost illegal (Age gap). We all work together and all of us are almost at the point of quitting (He's kinda our boss) over this.

 

Any advise?

 

It's a tough situation to be in but as long as you're calling yourself his friend (it's unclear to me if he is the one you labeled your "best friend") you should stay out of it.

 

I really, really have a problem with people -- often seems to be girls -- who try to drag other people into their relationship problems. I understand that you're also friends with her, but if she knows that you're his good friend and have access to information that she doesn't have, she's basically asking you to betray his confidence in you, because she's unwilling to confront him and end things because she can't trust him.

 

If she's uneasy enough to ask you what's going on, and doesn't feel that he's being honest with her she should end the relationship. It's that simple, really.

 

As for your friend, if you're as disgusted by him as you say, why do you still consider him a friend? He's your boss but you don't need to be his friend. Why not just say to him, "Look, you're fun to be around, we work together, it's great, but I really don't want to hear about your personal life, because you operate with a very different set of rules than I do, and because I don't want to have my friendship with you affect my friendship with ____ (his current girlfriend).

 

You're letting both of these people put you in a position that you shouldn't be in.

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She's my best friend, he's not, he's kinda my friend, but not really at this point, I have no respect for him anymore, but unfortunately, I have to keep up the facade of him being my friend, as do we all. I don't care about him at all anymore, it's her that I care about and don't want to see get hurt.

 

Thanks for the advise. I'll take it all in and think about it.

 

Her issues that she told me pertained to that she wants to back out cause she's not ready for that kind of relationship, also, it's not really him putting me in this situation cause he wouldn't in a million years tell me things that could be used against him, cause he knows how much I disapprove of the relationship. It's friends talking, friends whom he tells that kind of stuff to.

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She's my best friend, he's not, he's kinda my friend, but not really at this point, I have no respect for him anymore, but unfortunately, I have to keep up the facade of him being my friend, as do we all. I don't care about him at all anymore, it's her that I care about and don't want to see get hurt.

 

Thanks for the advise. I'll take it all in and think about it.

 

Her issues that she told me pertained to that she wants to back out cause she's not ready for that kind of relationship, also, it's not really him putting me in this situation cause he wouldn't in a million years tell me things that could be used against him, cause he knows how much I disapprove of the relationship. It's friends talking, friends whom he tells that kind of stuff to.

 

Oh! Well in that case, tell your best friend what you've heard. She's your best friend! I thought the girl in the situation you described was asking you to rat out your best friend. But there's no conflict of loyalty here -- she's your best friend, he's a "fake" friend who's doing her wrong, and he hasn't confided in you anyway -- you've just heard things through the grapevine. No brainer, I'd tell her. You're on her side, right?

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