Jump to content

Recommended Posts

Is this ever a good excuse or reason for not doing things or showing someone you care?

 

Lately if I bring something up to my bf like "you say you'll call but never do" that's his response.

 

This is new to me and the relationship though he's been saying it more lately. And then things just go downhill from there.

 

So IS this a good reason?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I can understand using that phrase to opt out of using pet names or constantly being overly sentimental, but it shouldn't be used to get out of promises or obligations. So, if he says he's going to call then he should unless he has a good excuse (fell asleep after doing tons of work or something) or else he shouldn't say he'll call in the first place.

 

Plus, it depends on how serious he is. If he doesn't think forgetting to call is a big deal (I probably wouldn't see it as a big deal unless I did it a few times and noticed frustration), then he might be using it as a joke.

 

You should probably just bring it up.

Link to post
Share on other sites

i think each partner should pull their weight in a relationship, especialy if they live together.

i think if he isn't doing his fair share then you need to say that he needs to pull his finger out and do his bit.

Edited by jc123
Link to post
Share on other sites

Thanks for the responses. We don't live together btw, but have been dating 2 yrs.

I tried bringing it up today (I'm sick.. VERY bad flu that had me on the bed for 24 hrs) and told him I was sorta waiting for his call.

I always check in to see if he's ok and show I care. Then he accused me of trying to start problems and hung up. I dunno anymore.

 

I'm ready to bail on this relationship if he feels guys have different standards then women when it comes to how you treat someone.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Tell him that him using his gender as an excuse is fine... and then you start doing it too.

 

Okay, not really. Two wrongs don't make a right and all that.

 

I think that is a terrible excuse. And if someone acted that way towards me, I'd be ready to bail too.

 

Sorry this is happening. If you really love him and want to make it work you two need to have a serious talk.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Haven't you ever studied genetics? The Y chromosome makes it impossible for a guy to call when he says he will.

 

Gender has NOTHING to do with something like that. It's a poor excuse, and he's only giving it because he knows he has no justifiable excuse for not making good on his promises.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I do reallllly love him. Which is why this hurts so much.

That's why I really just wanted you outsiders opinions. I don't know if I'm being a "girl" and overreacting.

 

I wanted to just do what he's been doing and stop calling, stop being as attentive, but 1: I can't. And 2: 2 wrongs don't make a right.

 

It's really small stuff (not calling when you say you will, not calling at all unless I do, showing affection and caring less then in the beginning, not tuning into me anymore when I ask for something and just ignoring, being less romantic)...

 

I want to work it out but at the same time I want to stop hurting over small stuff like this- he doesn't seem to have a CLUE and if he did I feel like NOW he'd ignore my feelings. Maybe over the phone was a bad time to bring it up but since we won't be seeing each other these days (flu) I wanted to get it off my chest.

 

 

When I brought it up he came up with this lame "I'm a guy... We don't keep calling". Wth? I've never seen that side of him. Or heard such bs.

Link to post
Share on other sites

I think it is common but it shouldn't be. His age is showing for sure. If after 2 years of dating he doesn't show much in the way of deep love and concern I would be worried as well.

I was not as bad as he is when I was younger (much younger) but I also kept a wall up emotionally so I wouldn't get hurt or to attached to anyone. If I only knew then what I know now.

Empathy and understanding are not unique to just females although they certainly show it more. Many young men are raised to be tough and take care of the people around them. Unfortunately those teachings do not include how to be as supportive and caring as we should be towards the ones we love. Finding the balance is not easy. Men are always afraid of appearing weak if they show to much emotion.

 

Before you "bail" sit down with him and let him know how you feel. If you think it will start a fight ( he will get defensive) then write him a hand written letter explaining your feelings and ask him to come to you and talk about it when he is ready.

 

Lost

Link to post
Share on other sites

That is a really terrible excuse and a cop out. It seems like he doesn't even care if he's not pulling his weight and that's the best excuse he can come up with. Maybe he's a little too comfortable in the relationship? There are many many guys who can keep up their end of a relationship and show tons of affection, so we know it's not that!

 

True, some men are different than others and it's harder for them, but I think from what you are saying he already proved he could do these things and now he is taking them away from you. That's really not fair.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Haven't you ever studied genetics? The Y chromosome makes it impossible for a guy to call when he says he will.

 

Gender has NOTHING to do with something like that. It's a poor excuse, and he's only giving it because he knows he has no justifiable excuse for not making good on his promises.

 

oh yeah, i remember that chapter in the book!!!!!

 

my goodness. i think he just doesn't want to deal with you. blah. have you tried not expecting his call and seeing what happens if you don't call him?

Link to post
Share on other sites

He's doing it because you let him. The only time I've used that excuse is to change the radio station when we were driving. I can't listen to Nelly Furtado, I'm a guy. Other than that... call him on it. Tell him "sweetheart I think your mistaken, that rule only applies to SINGLE guys."

Link to post
Share on other sites
That is a really terrible excuse and a cop out. It seems like he doesn't even care if he's not pulling his weight and that's the best excuse he can come up with. Maybe he's a little too comfortable in the relationship? There are many many guys who can keep up their end of a relationship and show tons of affection, so we know it's not that!

 

True, some men are different than others and it's harder for them, but I think from what you are saying he already proved he could do these things and now he is taking them away from you. That's really not fair.

Exactly!!

 

I feel like it's just not fair to be all attentive and caring. And then when the relationship progresses you just stop putting in as much effort.

And I've been feeling for quite some time that he's just not as interested as before/too comfortable which he keeps denying. But come on.. action say it all right?

He was busy with work and trying to make extra cash.. Fine, I put up with less phone calls and less time together.

 

Yesterday I came up with a fun idea - or so I think - that we should both take up a fun hobby together. He likes drawing and I do too. Anything to do with art/crafts. He just said "hmm.. I already have hobbies". Then he said "j/k... we'll see". Yea right.

 

oh yeah, i remember that chapter in the book!!!!!

 

my goodness. i think he just doesn't want to deal with you. blah. have you tried not expecting his call and seeing what happens if you don't call him?

 

I have tried not calling but in the end I give in and call anyways. Like someone just commented... it may be happening b/c I'm letting it?

I was going to just not call today but I really wanted to see if his flu had gotten as bad as mine, etc. I need to stop and I think I have enough reason to now.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Awesome response from lostandhurt. There isn't a legitimate excuse for this. He's either taking you for granted, or he's losing interest.

 

I would definitely choose an appropriate time and have a talk with him about this. Tell him how these things make you feel. You're obviously not happy...what is there to lose?

Link to post
Share on other sites

I know your first reaction is to just pull away from him to "teach him a lesson". But honestly, it's not the way to go. You really need to have a serious talk with him about this. Find out why this is happening. Maybe he doesn't realize how lame he is being. Maybe he does and he doesn't care. Either way, make it clear that you expect decent treatment or it's time to end the relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites

The "because I'm a guy line" is used when he wants to lower the bar of what you can expect from him. He's kind of saying, well, all guys are slack, so what do you expect from me? Every other guy out there is going to treat you the same.

 

It's a cop out and shows that he's lazy.

 

The reality is that there ARE guys out there who will step up to the plate.

Link to post
Share on other sites

he doesnt want to deal with confrontation and has no valid reason or argument to fight back with but accept he is being crap towards you!thats where your making me feel like a bad boyfriend comes from.

 

if this guy has pulled back there could be many reasons for this it could be he has gotten to close for comfort and doesnt want to hurt like he has when he loved to much in the past,it could be he isnt interested and/or is keeping you on the hook until someone else comes along,it could be your to emotionally envolved and he feels he cant step that high up the ladder so feels within himself unable to commit the same as you,it could be he's playing hard to get or head games it could be a many number of reasons.

 

but right now i want you to think about what you need and want and if this guy is dangling a carrot infront of you and keeping you chasing it how long can you deal with that?what if it is he is bored now and just wants to string you along until something new comes along?

are you still making a physical effort for him to dress up look great ect or have you slipped yourself without realising?

ok one thing i will say and many can agree with is that guys are more emotionally insecure then girls so maybe hang with a old male friend see if your guy gets jealous and picks up the pace again?if he does he will probably slip back to the old ways again anyways after a while.

 

now for the im a guy thing no that is b.s a real man would step up listen to problems and try and be supportive and thoughtful and actually try and work things out!a immature person will stomp their feet or just bury their head in the sand even when being told theres a problem,and then try and make the other person feel guilty by turning it back to them ie your just trying to make me feel like im a bad boyfriend.

 

personally my NOW ex used the yeah yeah im a bad girlfriend and compleatly ignored the fact i had just poured out my heart and almost cried infront of her and she was all blank expression about it all and no emotion what so ever and said yeah so what im a woman what can i say women are * * * * * es!i know women arnt all like that most are emotionally caring loving and value the efforts a guy makes when trying to be romantic and stuff so she was out of order for that!i re-evaluated what i had now to what i had before and the feelings i have now to the feelings i had before sat down seriously thought things through and figured that i was just to eaten up inside to be able to fix a one sided relationship and was worth so much more then she can ever give me again.

 

just sit back and seriously think through what you have now to what you could have maybe this ships hit a iceberg and sinking maybe you will fight your hardest and still nothing changes except make you misserable giving your all for nothing in return maybe you can change his mind and turn things around an miss the iceberg its all down to how much more you can give and how much more crap you can take before you decide to jump ship?

 

what ever happens take good care of you and be selfish sometimes

Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...