Out Right Panic

[rosephase]

I’m in the middle of applying for MFA programs and I’m really stressed out. I normally handle stress okay (I work in theater where it always feels like something is going wring or won’t work at the last moment) but just this morning I spent about a half hour just shaking and crying because I couldn’t figure out if I was registered to take the GRE. I don’t know what is wrong with me.

 

I just feel like everything is riding on this. My relationship is long distance right now because I failed at getting into the program I applied for last year. My boyfriend and I stayed in Seattle where we had jobs and it was cheaper to live while my girlfriend went to New York. She is in a one year intensive masters program at NYU and now she is applying for MFA and PhD programs. We are applying to schools in the same cities but we are applying to a lot more schools then you normally would to up the chances that we both get in somewhere in the same city so we can all live together next year.

 

The problem is my girlfriend is a genius she isn’t going to have a problem getting into the top schools she is amazing. I know I’m good at what I do but all the programs I’m applying to accept 2-6 people a year. And I don’t know if I’m that good. And I scared that I’m going to screw up and then what? 3-5 more years of not being together? My boyfriend and I move in this god awful economy to a new city where we don’t have work (we also don’t just having the money sitting around to move)

 

All of this is adding up to panic attacks and a great deal of stress and fear. And it’s not helping me get stuff done. Has anyone been through this? Anything you do to help the fear stay at a manageable level? I know it’s not helping me. I know there is nothing I can do now other then work to have the best applications I can have… but how do I calm down so I can focus and enjoy the work?

 

Help.

[Xylitol]

Relax, even when you are at the bottom of life and have lost everything, you still will own your own soul, what i mean by that is that as long as you can move your body that you have the oppertunity to improve your own life. Yes decisions are important and yes they do have a possible severe impact on your life, but there's no reason to panic, because its not the end of the world. Even homeless people can make decisions to get out of that black hole of despair in order to climb up the ladder in society.

 

You need to stop looking how the grass is greener at the other side of the fence, because meanwhile your own grass is becoming brown and rotting. Stop comparing yourself to your girlfriend, although you shouldn't reject her from your life, you would do good by tending your own grass, and making your own life work out, this because no one can live your life for you except you yourself.

 

In a situation were feel insecure and you can't find out what to do, its important to google the information you need, or make the necessary telephone calls to get that information, insecurity = lack of information. So if you fill in that gap with the correct information you know what lies up ahead, no reason to panic, just get yourself the information that you need. Even if you can't get the information immediately, patience is a virtue. And if you still get into a panic attack, just think how insignificant your problems are compared to the size of the universe, everything has been going on for billions of years, and the earth will continue spinning its rounds no matter what happens, and even if the earth gets destroyed then it would be the end of your problems, so relax, and simply look after your life like it was a garden that you are tending to. Try to get your life into calmer waters instead of the raging river that it is now.Always keep in control of yourself, it will do you a world of good.