Mistress Ethical Question

[rosephase]

Just as a note nothing like this has happened to me, but the news keeps bringing it into my head.

 

What do you guys think about as mistress that tells the wife about the affair? Is it good because then the wife knows and can make a choice? Or is it bad because it might be used as a tool to hurt the wife? Do you feel that when a woman does this that she is acting out of some place of kindness or is it all selfishness?

 

To be honest I don’t really know how I feel about it. How do you feel about it? Have any of you been through this? Or seen it happen to someone else? Would different circumstances change the way you feel, like if the mistress was having his kid?

 

Ps I know men do this to, I just used women because I hear about it more. I guess that is odd too.

[Catdancer]

If the mistress tells the wife, it is purely selfish to drive a wedge between her and her husband, so that the mistress can have him to herself. Mistress feels a little guilty for betraying wife, but ultimately it is for selfish reasons and to rub it in the face of the wife.

 

And yes, when mistress becomes pregnant with husband's child, everything changes, but it could go either way. If hub and mistress are in love with each other, he may leave family to help her have and raise the baby. It really depends on the people. But some men also try to pressure mistress into abortion to prevent telling wife of pregnancy.

[agent1607307371]

No matter the motivation, the act of telling the wife is always ultimately selfish. (Actually, unless there's a case of HIV involved, now I think about it.)

 

The marriage, as messed up as it is, is between those two poeple and the mistress has no place in it.

[Kantriakhor]

Personally, I believe honesty is always best. The wife deserves to know, regardless of the motivations of the mistress.

 

Not to mention, partners usually know something is amiss (not always, and not always so precise, but many tend to get a feeling something is not right). I know I did when my ex was fooling around on the side.

[mikem]

The mistress should probably just move on. Eventually the unfaithful husbands 'ways' end up being revealed. In certain cases it might be necessary, but in most cases it would probably be better for the mistress to move on and determine to never be a mistress again.

[lavenderdove]

It is pure self interest. If she cared about the wife's feelings to being with, she would have never started sleeping with the wife's husband!

 

Or it might be revenge is she gets dumped by the husband and is furious with him, an 'i'll show you' gesture to get even and cause him pain.

[mikem]

I think it probably boils down to motives. If the mistress is looking to 'zing' the wife, with the intent of 'getting back' at the unfaithful husband or wants to be with the unfaithful husband, then no.

 

If she has determined to leave the unfaithful husband, but her consciouse is bothering her about it and the unfaithful husband is a serial adulterer, it might be worth telling the wife.

 

I think if I was with someone who was cheating, I would want to know, even if it came through the avenue of the person they were having the affair with. Sometimes when you sense 'something is up', you get to that place where you feel that you 'need' to know the truth - even if it came through the avenue of the 'mistress'.

[Kantriakhor]

It is pure self interest. If she cared about the wife's feelings to being with, she would have never started sleeping with the wife's husband!

 

Or it might be revenge is she gets dumped by the husband and is furious with him, an 'i'll show you' gesture to get even and cause him pain.

 

What if the mistress doesn't know he's married until later on?

[lavenderdove]

Mistress is usually only applied when the person knowingly agrees to an arrangement with the married man (i.e., she knows he is married and agrees to the arrangement that she is his mistress).

 

I'd call the case of someone not knowing he was married more as an unintentional other woman, not a mistress. She never agreed to the relationship's terms since she didn't know them.

 

I have know cases where the unintentional other woman discovers the marriage and tells the wife. In those case it is someone who is both angry and concerned for the wife she never knew existed.

[Kantriakhor]

Mistress is usually only applied when the person knowingly agrees to an arrangement with the married man (i.e., she knows he is married and agrees to the arrangement that she is his mistress).

 

I'd call the case of someone not knowing he was married more as an unintentional other woman, not a mistress. She never agreed to the relationship's terms since she didn't know them.

 

I have know cases where the unintentional other woman discovers the marriage and tells the wife. In those case it is someone who is both angry and concerned for the wife she never knew existed.

 

Just wanted to establish the term and its definition for this topic

[arcadefire]

I'm a firm believer that the truth comes out eventually. And if the mistress needs to be the messenger, then so be it. Doesn't matter who delivers unless the truth is out, not still concealed.

[vanessa_83]

I once heard a good mistress never tells

In all honesty though, my first time being the other woman, I told her. It was out of guilt. She was my best friend. She forgave him, but not me.

The second time, I knew her as an acquaintance. I didn't tell her. It ended because I moved away. She did find out eventually though, but not though me.

This time around, I don't know her. She doesn't know. It's not my place to tell her.

[Mauxly]

I think in large part the motivation is selfish. It's another way to add drama. However, if I were the wife, I'd want to know, regardless of the motivation.

[mrmaximum]

Personally, I believe honesty is always best. The wife deserves to know, regardless of the motivations of the mistress.

 

Not to mention, partners usually know something is amiss (not always, and not always so precise, but many tend to get a feeling something is not right). I know I did when my ex was fooling around on the side.

 

I have to agree. If you don't want your mistress telling your wife about your wrongdoings against your marriage (or whatever term is used when the genders are reversed), don't get one in the first place.

[Mauxly]

I once heard a good mistress never tells

In all honesty though, my first time being the other woman, I told her. It was out of guilt. She was my best friend. She forgave him, but not me.

The second time, I knew her as an acquaintance. I didn't tell her. It ended because I moved away. She did find out eventually though, but not though me.

This time around, I don't know her. She doesn't know. It's not my place to tell her.

 

Wow, you do this a lot don't you?

Yikes...

[gsxr104]

The man should never put his family in a jeapordizing circumstance, but I think it is meant as a slap in the face to a mans wife when the mistress tells his wife about their meetings. And the man should have the balls to stand up to what he did be it him that tells her.

[Kantriakhor]

I once heard a good mistress never tells

In all honesty though, my first time being the other woman, I told her. It was out of guilt. She was my best friend. She forgave him, but not me.

The second time, I knew her as an acquaintance. I didn't tell her. It ended because I moved away. She did find out eventually though, but not though me.

This time around, I don't know her. She doesn't know. It's not my place to tell her.

 

Good Mistress is an oxymoron.

 

You may not feel it's your place to tell her but, then again, you've shown to be morally bankrupt when it comes to such aspects and perhaps it'd be better if you don't help people cheat.

 

Just a thought.

[Kantriakhor]

The man should never put his family in a jeapordizing circumstance, but I think it is meant as a slap in the face to a mans wife when the mistress tells his wife about their meetings. And the man should have the balls to stand up to what he did be it him that tells her.

 

The man (and I use that term loosely because a guy who cheats loses any decent connotation of being a man, same for the mistress, she proves to be among the lowest of the low, especially serial mistresses) shouldn't cheat to begin with.

 

As for telling, doesn't really matter who tells because when it does come out, the offending parties will be shown to be the conniving dredges of society that they are.

[addictedblue]

The mistress would tell for a few reasons I think:

 

a. She wants the guy all to herself. She figures if the wife finds out she'll leave the husband and then the mistress can have him.

 

b. She's extremely angry at the guy and wants to get back at him. She tells the wife on him for revenge.

 

c. She has had a sudden change of heart and just suddenly feels really guilty and doesn't want to be with the guy anymore (not because of anything he did but just because it was immoral) and tells the wife to make herself feel better.

 

Either way they're selfish. UNLESS the woman didn't know he was married. Basically once you're a mistress you sacrifice the respect of the wife forever.

[urbad1]

I want to know because I am mistress who is pregnante. everybody tell the wife but i am afraid to lose him.

[waveseer]

How could the mistress be certain that the wife wants to know? She may already know and wish to be spared the details as well.

 

How could the wife know the mistress is telling the truth?