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Going through old photos

abitbroken

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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If you found photos of you and your ex, would you burn them, throw them out, or put them aside?

 

It has been over a year since I last had contact with my ex husband. I have done an immense amount of healing and have moved on with my life. I now have found myself going through a box of old photos and putting an album together. I have photos of the two of us together. I am taking them out of my album, and have considered just sealing them in an envelope and having my mom hold onto them or just put them aside. I don't want to look at them, but as a photographer myself i hate to trash photos. A few of them have other things in the photo like my dog or an old friend or something.

 

I think the reason I first thought of just sealing them up is because that gives me the opportunity to deal with them in the future. But I am thinking: do i want to have to go through them again? I have a new relationship and a new life and don't know if I would want to (i moved to another state to be with family too because he left me with nothing).

 

I did burn a couple notes he had sent me that weren't too nice. Some have suggested, and one of my instincts was to burn the photos...

 

There are 2-3 that are salvageable by just cutting him out of the picture (cutting it in half or photoshopping him out).

 

If we had had kids together it would be a no brainer. I would keep some of them for the kids, but we don't have any.

 

We were together 10 years or so, married 4. So it wasn't just a summer romance. It started out okay but later got very emotionally abusive. Maybe that doesn't have anything to do with the photos, but the relationship was a little less than 1/3 of my life in years.

 

Anyway, what would you do? I am not as emotionally charged as I was a year ago so that makes it easier...but more complicated at the same time - i would have just burned them back then.

 

I even thought of sending an anonymous envelope with pictures of his family in it, but I know I don't owe him that either. I don't want to make that sort of contact at all.

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WomanWriter Experienced

WomanWriter

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My advice is to save a few and throw out the rest. How about you save the ones with animals and friends included. You probably want at least one so you can look back and laugh and say "Hey there's my dumb ex husband back in the day." My mom still has pics of her ex husbands (from before I was born). It's interesting to see what they looked like. Just keep a couple, put them away in a box of other old things (maybe in a cedar chest), and throw out the others.

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Rob1000 Community Regular

Rob1000

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Keep them... I could never imagine doing that to photos and memories. In time to come I will look back and treasure them, and maybe even laugh that I was so in love with that person, but i could never throw them out. It'd be like disrespecting myself for being with someone I truly loved once.

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lookingforhope Newbie

lookingforhope

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Keep them... I could never imagine doing that to photos and memories. In time to come I will look back and treasure them, and maybe even laugh that I was so in love with that person, but i could never throw them out. It'd be like disrespecting myself for being with someone I truly loved once.

That's some pretty hip ****, man. Never thought of it that way, but, ultimately, spot on.

 

Keep on keepin' it real brotha.

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Rob1000 Community Regular

Rob1000

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That's some pretty hip ****, man. Never thought of it that way, but, ultimately, spot on.

 

Keep on keepin' it real brotha.

Just speaking from experience really. My first love broke my heart 12 years ago but I still have all our photos. I look back now and have a good chuckle to myself about it, as well as the dodgy clothes we were wearing!! I'm already beginning to look back fondly on photos of my most recent ex, even though it still hurts. There's no way I'd get rid of them.
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prettymommy Enthusiast

prettymommy

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I agree with Rob. Initially I keep them all. Over the years, sometimes I "parse" them down. But I always keep some photos of the men I've been in LTR's with. Even if I don't now, I did love them once.... and find that worth respecting.

 

Funny enough, I looked at photos of my most recent ex the other night. It's been 15 months or so since the "official" split, and about 3 months of total NC. I've pretty much tried to avoid looking at the pictures; kind of hid them on my hard drive so it would take lots of "clicking" to get to them. Looking at the pictures for the first time in a while made me feel nostalgic, but in a good way. I didn't feel hurt, or bitterness anymore. Just that I was fortunate to spend some time with the ex, be exposed to some new experience in my life by means of my involvement with him, and have some good memories still b/c of it. I guess that's a sign of healing and move on, isn't it?

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Hugwolf Contributor

Hugwolf

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I'm only two months out from my 9 year relationship ending. I can't bring myself to destroy any pictures because I'm not totally over my ex, but I know they mess me up every time I see them. I am just boxing them up so I can't accidentally see them anymore, or even if I do want to see them it would be too much work to go unpack them.

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abitbroken Grand Master

abitbroken

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I once loved him and he was good to me, I have no reason to toss them.

 

I wish I could have said the same

 

Thank you so much for all of the responses.

 

I think what made me mull it so much is we didn't break on amicable terms (just mutually decided it was best to divorce). There was emotional abuse and he left me homeless - and I basically later returned to the house to pick my things - id's, records, and clothes -out of the garbage. My family still has a lot of anger in regards to him. He has no contact with me or them, but even though I have done tons of healing and have moved on, they are lagging behind me in healing over it. I can't erase the fact that I was married once....but I guess I don't have to look at them. Some of the pictures I don't look very good in (not talking about photos being unflattering, not looking at the camera, etc, but you could tell something was wrong with me - tired out, not healthy, sick and tired in some of them. I am truly not the same person I was.)

 

I am not fishing for someone to say "pitch them" of course - I think the idea of culling them now, and then sealing them up and giving them to my parents or putting them aside is a good idea. A lot of the photos in question were taken before I had a digital camera (c 1996-2002) so thats why they are just hanging around.

 

To deal with the digital photos, I just put them all in a separate folder which I think I will burn to a cd and then delete off the computer.

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amabel196 Enthusiast

amabel196

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I found my ones of him and I the other day (only a few of them) and I just burst out crying for ages

 

I'm on medication now to keep my emotions intact, and I now can't cry when I look at them (not crying is a side effect) but I will definitely keep them for the future.

 

We had alot of great memories and I hope to one day look back on them with happiness, not regret or hatred.

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