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I look too normal!


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I´m a 20-something female who is alone (romantically speaking) for more than 20 years. One of my explanations is that I´m too normal, and never get any attention from other people. I´m nor ugly nor very pretty, prefer to dress normal but elegantly (dislike clothes that are too showy or sexy), I´m shy and reserved, especially with strangers. I´m the kind of woman that nobody pays attention to when walking on the street. I have difficulties interacting with people, I never know what to say.

Nobody has ever been interested in me, and I feel incomplete and "crippled". I know that being desired shouldn´t be the goal of a life, but feeling it at least once ina a while might make me feel good as it does to everyone.

I´m conscious that I need to change in order to have a decent heathy love life, but I´m having a hard time as this has been my personality for a long time.

I´ve read lots of articles on how to be more attractive, have put into practise some of the things ("smile as if you´re having a great time", "look into other people´s eyes" , flirt, "inspire confidence"), but I always feel like an artificial idiot, like I´m faking everything. I´m definetely not a bombshell or a big flirt.

What should I do? Deny myself completely because being the way I am is working at all? Pretend I´m someone else?

Thanks in advance.

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Hello Waterlily.


Dont try and be someone your not comfortable with, be yourself, there is a match for everyone, believe me!


What you need to do, is to be comfortable with who you are, its not so much what you look like, but how you feel! i have seen people all shapes, sizes, every kind of looks, and every kind of personality and they all find a mate eventually.


Just do the things you like to do in life, be happy and love yourself, and then someone will pop in your life when you least expect it and see the beautyfull person you really are, but no matter what you look like, if you dont love your self others may sense this from you and feal uncomfortable around you.


You say your normal/avarage looking, and conservative, well thats a good thing because there are millions of others just like you! you just havent met up with that special someone yet, but you will!

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The FIRST thing you have to do is quit putting yourself down so much. YOU have to value yourself before anyone else can. And don't go changing your personality for the sake of someone else. For one thing, nobody can really be in love with you if you're not you, so what's the point? And, for another thing, it wont work. Your personality is YOU, and you can't really change that (and no, I am quite certain you're not as dull as you think you are). You don't need to dress and act like Brittney Spears *pauses to spit on the groud* for people to notice you. Just be you and let yourself enjoy being you: you'll be much happier and THAT'S what people are attracted to. The trick is to try to meet someone who shares your interests: take a class or join a gym; find something you really enjoy and pursue it. Even if you don't meet a guy, you'll be having fun and building self-esteem.

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Nico's definitely on the right track. My main point of advice for the unhappily single: You're not alone, you're independent. On this forum, I hear about so many relationships destroyed because one party or the other wasn't confident enough about themselves. Relationships do not guarantee happiness. But they do guarantee a large load of stress that you have to be at your best in order to deal with.


Every time you see someone you know, even if it's just a name tied loosely to a face, say hello and smile. No need to feel like an idiot; just do it in a manner that says "I'm having a good day, and it's great to be alive." People will be attracted to your magnetism. I make an effor to say hi to someone literally every five to seven seconds in the hallway at my school. They all enjoy it and seek me out to chat now, and many of them didn't even know me before! If you put yourself in the public eye, you will be seen.


As for the fear that you look average: I guarantee, there are people who are attracted to you. I find myself checking out a lot of girls that other people might pass over because they only look for the ones that everyone else says are the beautiful ones! The rules of attraction are different for lots of different people. For me, something as simple as the right kind of haircut (medium-length bob, flared at the ends, preferably brunette serves as a major turn-on. The confident guys will have no problems seeing you as beautiful and rewarding you for it. And the confident guys are the ones you're really hoping to hook up with, right?

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Hi Waterlily,


Just stay true to yourself. You are unique and special. Don't let others tell you any other way. Plain Janes or John Does, we all have our inner strength and beauty.


Wise and happy is the man who one day loves you for what you really are.



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